


To make you feel my love

by smkkbert



Series: There goes my life [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: College AU, F/M, Post-Island, Teenage Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-10-31 17:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10904208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smkkbert/pseuds/smkkbert
Summary: One year after the Gambit went down, the incredible happens: Oliver is found alive and brought back to Starling City. All he wants is getting back to Felicity and Madeleine. Though Felicity welcomes him back with her arms wide open, Oliver struggles to find his place in the family. It seems like his place – at least in Mae’s heart – is already taken. And it doesn’t help that it’s his best friend Tommy who seems to have taken it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

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> _Cover with the help of_  
> [@pr0fessi0nal-fangurl](https://tmblr.co/mB0XjsxasyBIMYt2QmDYFwA)  
>  _and an[edit](http://68.media.tumblr.com/320eead5047ec81fbf3ea19ad1ba21f0/tumblr_ol610kyTOP1t3mkmso1_250.jpg) by _  
> [@candykizzes24](https://tmblr.co/mGqOlqSAiBnhnYgP7Uxw8gQ)  
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She dreamed of Oliver.

She heard his voice loud and clear. He was calling out her name, begging for her to save him, as he was fighting for his life. The raging storm sent the ocean into wild movement. The water pulled Oliver down again and again, keeping him under the surface longer each time. Oliver continued fighting his way to the surface every time, giving everything he could to survive this.

The struggle for survival left its mark on him, though. His lungs burned with the need for more air as the time he had over the surface grew shorter and there was barely time to take in a single full breath. The desperate need of oxygen grew until his calls for her turned into whispers and finally ceased completely. His arms and legs started hurting with the effort to move, growing heavier with each movement, until the pain paralyzed him. He couldn’t feel his arms or his legs anymore and he felt himself disconnecting from his body. The water dragged him back under and pulled him deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Everything became quiet. So deep under the water that there was no more howling of the wind and no more thunder to be heard. It was deadly silent, frightening in a way but also peaceful in another. Oliver wasn’t fighting anymore. He was floating in the water, unmoving. He had given up fighting and accepted death. He knew in the little part of him that was still conscious that these were his last seconds. He wasn’t going to get back to the surface again. His body would rot at the bottom of the ocean, never to be found and brought home for his loved ones to bury.

Closing his eyes, he was trying to fight the need to release the little air that was still in his lungs. He recalled his happiest memories, the ones of his family. He knew this was his last breath, so he wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. The urge to release it grew quickly, though, and he used his last breath to whisper her name into the water. If he died, he wanted to die with her name falling from his lips. Her name, happiness, should be the last word he would say.

She reached out her hands for him in the water, longing to touch his face and tell him that everything was going to be alright and that he was going to come home to her like they had planned. She got closer and closer to him, but it was never close enough to touch him. He was right in her reach, but whenever her fingers were about to touch his face, the water moved him out of her reach again. She whispered his name desperately, wanting to wake up and fight to get to him, so they could find their way out of this together.

Finally the water pushed her close enough. She put her fingers to his face, shaking his head to get him to wake up. He had to open his eyes and-

When suddenly his eyes opened, she flinched away. His fingers wrapped around her wrists, though. His fingernails clawed into her skin forcefully and kept her from moving away. He stared at her with dead, blue eyes that showed no sign of life. He pulled her closer until her nose almost touched his. Then he whispered with a voice so cold that it sent a violent shiver down her back, “Why didn’t you save me?”

Felicity’s eyes snapped open and she sat up in bed abruptly. Tears were welling in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Her lips were wide open in a scream of shock, but no sound came out. She felt her lungs burning for air and tried to take in a deep breath, but her throat felt choked. She reached her hand out for Oliver, needing to feel him, but all she felt was the cold and empty sheet on the other side of the mattress.

As her fingers clawed into the fabric, a choked sob escaped her lips. She slumped back into the mattress as her whole body started shaking violently. She buried her face in her pillow, silencing the loud sobs that were falling from her lips.

It had been almost a year since the Gambit had gone missing in a storm and these kinds of nightmares had started haunting her. At the beginning they had been tormenting her whenever she had closed her eyes. She hadn’t had to be deeply asleep for that to happen. Just closing her eyes to relax had been enough for one of her nightmares to play in her head. By now the nightmares were coming less often, but when they came, they seemed to hit her even worse, especially in nights like tonight when a storm was going on outside.

The rain was pelting against the window and the wind outside was howling. It sounded just like in her dream and it had probably triggered this nightmare tonight.

Slowly Felicity’s breathing calmed down. Rolling onto her side, she grabbed the pillow from the other side of the bed, and cradled it to her body. She felt the need to squeeze her eyes shut, but didn’t dare to do so. She was too afraid of what images would pop up in her head if she did, so she didn’t close her eyes and just took in deep breaths through her nose before releasing the air through her slightly opened lips. The technique had acquitted itself to help her through the panic attacks that followed her nightmares.

Felicity felt her heartbeat coming down and her breathing returning to an even rhythm slowly. Her body was still tense, slightly trembling in the aftermath of her nightmare, but she felt the muscles loosening more and more with each new breath. Only now she dared to close her eyes for a long moment.

“You couldn’t have saved Oliver,” Felicity whispered to herself, trying to let her husky voice convince her, “and what happened to him was not your fault.”

She repeated the words over and over again until she felt them sink in enough for her to pretend that she believed them. Then she opened her eyes again, taking in another deep breath, and sat up slowly. She reached out her hand for the small lamp on her nightstand and switched on the light.

Felicity took in another deep breath to gather her courage to look at the empty side of the bed. She moved the palm of her hand over the cold sheet slowly, feeling the longing for the person who was missing there rising inside of her. Since she didn’t have the strength or the courage to face the pain of missing him right now, she leaned back against the headboard of the bed and pulled the pillow back to her chest.

In almost one year not much had changed. She still loved him. She still missed him. She still felt his absence a thousand times each day. She even still had the same trouble to think his name or say it out loud, afraid the pain of knowing that she was never going to see him again would rip her apart.

The only times she did see him was in her nightmares, at least in three of the five nightmares that plagued her in uncountable versions with slightly different elements. The versions of this nightmare, the one about the night the Gambit sunk, were probably the worst ones. They left her breathless like she had been indeed down in the water with Oliver.

Then there were nights that she dreamed about the evening he had told her about his father’s offer to join him on the Gambit. They rarely ever ended the way they were supposed to with Felicity telling him that he shouldn’t go. Instead she let him go, even urged him to go because she felt it was a good idea and Oliver died.

Some nights she dreamed about finding him again on an isolated island. She would be so relieved that this miracle was really happening and she was getting him back despite the probability for this happening. Instead of hugging her and telling her how relieved he was to have her back, he would pull a beautiful, skinny brunette to his side and tell her how he had spent the last year with this nymph and wasn’t ready to come back and leave her yet. It was the weirdest of the dreams and also the easiest to calm down from. Knowing that they had made jokes about a possible shipwreck and how he would spend years with another woman still stung, but those dreams felt so surreal that Felicity could push them away more easily than the rest.

Other nights she didn’t see him in her dreams. Sometimes she dreamed of the day they had buried two empty coffins in the garden behind the Queen Mansion. Every once in awhile she had ended up buried six feet underground with him. All she wanted to do was drop a little bit of newly dug earth onto the coffin since it was a Jewish custom, but then she would slip and end up in that hole with the coffin. Nobody helped her out. They just filled the grave with more earth until she was buried beneath in the darkness.

Finally there were nights she dreamed about the first time Mae had called his gravestone ‘dada’. That one probably hurt the worst because it wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory and her nightmares made her live through it again and again and again. Felicity remembered very clearly how she had felt like her daughter had accepted her daddy’s death when this had happened. Rationally she knew that her baby girl wasn’t old enough to understand the concept of death, but there wasn’t much rationality involved when you were mourning a loved one’s death.

Felicity rubbed her palms over her face for a moment, getting rid of the tense feeling on her skin that the dried tears had left. When she glanced at the alarm clock on her nightstand, she bit down on her bottom lip and wondered if it was too late to call Tommy in Starling and ask him how his day with Mae had gone. She knew that even with the time difference, it was long past her daughter’s bedtime, so she would probably be in her crib in the Queen Mansion and Tommy would be back at his Dad’s, but hearing that her baby girl was fine and had a good day with her Uncle Tommy would surely help her fall back to sleep later when she dared to close her eyes for longer than a few seconds again.

She should have brought Mae with her to Boston Felicity thought to herself as she grabbed her phone and contemplated calling Tommy. She had decided against bringing Mae with her because she hadn’t wanted to put Mae through the flight to Boston and back to Starling with only the weekend in between, but she missed not having Mae around her. Just seeing her daughter or hearing her breathing through the baby monitor always helped to ground herself after a nightmare.

Felicity bit down on her bottom lip and turned her phone in her hand again and again, still considering calling Tommy. She knew that Mae was in good hands with him, the Queens and her own family. Otherwise she wouldn’t have left her daughter with them while she had been forced to come back to Boston for some exams. It wasn’t even the first time she had left Mae with them while she was in Boston to do something for her studies. She just needed to hear once more that her little girl was okay, especially after a nightmare like this one.

Just when she was about to call Tommy, her phone vibrated in her hands. Felicity frowned as she looked down at the display, but then she released a breathy chuckle. Without any hesitation she took the call.

“Do we have some telepathic connection now or did you secretly learn how to hack phones that you knew I was going to-“

“Felicity?”

Immediately she fell silent. The sound of Tommy’s husky voice saying her name in an urgent tone had to mean something serious. Last year her name had been said like that often, whenever there had been any news about what had happened with the Gambit really. and whenever people had felt they needed to push her into doing something they knew she wasn’t ready for.

Felicity, the Gambit went down.

Felicity, they don’t think there are any survivors.

Felicity, they have stopped searching for them.

Felicity, you have to accept that Oliver is dead.

Felicity, I think it’s time to say goodbye to Oliver.

Felicity, I don’t think Oliver would have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life.

Felicity, you have to move on from Oliver.

Felicity,-

“Felicity?”

“I’m here,” Felicity whispered.

She felt her hand clenching into a fist around her blanket and she took in a deep breath to prepare herself for what Tommy had to say. She had been through so much. It couldn’t be worse than everything she had been put through already, could it? Well, she figured it could be if anything had happened to Mae, but she refused to even let that thought sink into her heart. Felicity’s fingers tightened around her phone to a point where she almost felt she would break it. Yet Tommy still didn’t speak.

“Tell me,” Felicity whispered barely louder than a breath. “You have to tell me what happened.”

“They found him.”

Tommy’s voice was loud and clear, but Felicity had trouble understanding. She had understood each word, but in conjunction with one another they seemed to make no sense. She just didn’t understand. Who had they found? And who were ‘they’? What- why had he called her in the middle of the night? What was going on here?

“Felicity,” Tommy whispered and there it was again, that seriousness and urgency in his voice, “they found Oliver.”

Felicity frowned. Though Tommy had now explained who had been found, it just didn’t make any sense. Actually, it seemed to make even less sense than before. How would anyone have found Oliver? After one year in the ocean Felicity doubted that there was much left of him that could be found. She had once wanted to google how a body rotted in the ocean, but her fear of what she would find had been stronger than her need to know.

“Felicity, did you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Felicity whispered. “Yeah, I did.”

She wanted to say more, ask a thousand questions, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She knew that if she let in the hope that maybe Tommy’s words were true, having that hope taken from her when it turned out to be wrong would simply destroy her. After the first three weeks that Robert and Oliver had been missing and searched for a hope that they would be found had kept creeping back into her thoughts again and again until she had forced herself to shut it out forever. Robert and Oliver were dead she had told herself again and again until the thought had settled and blocked any hope that could have been raised. It would have been too painful to allow that thought into her mind and having it crushed again and again because there had been no chance they could have been found.

“Where- When- Why-“ Felicity stopped, pressing her lips together.

She didn’t know where to start. She had a thousand questions that would hopefully help her to understand what was going on. She didn’t want to begin to hope until she understood what Tommy was really saying. She just needed more information to make sense of this, but there were too many unanswered questions for her to decide which one she wanted to ask first or which one would help her understand.

Tommy seemed to sense what was going on because he explained, “Apparently Moira got a call from someone in the U.S. Consulate General in Shanghai. They told her that Oliver had been found alive and is being brought back to Starling City as we are speaking. Of course Moira didn’t want to believe them, but the consul assured her that any mistaking is ruled out. They did a DNA test to confirm it and I don’t know what happened next or what they did after, but Oliver is on his way back to Starling City and Moira is already on her way to the hospital and… Felicity, he’s back. Ollie is back.”

Felicity took in a deep breath to say something, but she didn’t know what to say.

They had done a DNA test. That meant they had proved that it was Oliver beyond a doubt. He had been found. He was back in Starling City or at least on his way there. He was alive. Alive.

“I… Where is he now?”

“He’ll be brought to Starling General as soon as the plane has landed in an hour or two. Like I said, Moira is already on her way there to be there when he arrives. She asked me to call you. As soon as we hang up, I’m going to the mansion to get Mae and take her up to the hospital, too. I am sure Ollie can’t wait to see his little girl again and-“

“I need to get back to Starling City,” Felicity interrupted him. It only took a second for her to jump out of bed, get her suitcase and start to throw her clothes into it carelessly. “I need to come back and see him. I won’t believe it until I have seen him and-“

A loud rumble of thunder interrupted her. The storm that was going on outside was a severe one. When she had been gone to bed a few hours ago, the news had reported that flights in and around Massachusetts were canceled because of the storm that was supposed to last until around noon.

“I- I don’t know if I can come home,” Felicity said, already thinking about the other options available to get her home as soon as possible. “I- I will- I will just go to the airport and try to catch the next flight and-“

“You can call Oliver and-“

“No, I need to see him with my own eyes and touch him and…”

She had only said a few words, but she already felt out of breath. The mere thought of knowing that there might be a chance, a very real chance actually, that she could see Oliver again, made her heart race and took her breath away. She was nervous but also kind of excited, then again really scared and…

“He’s really back?” Felicity whispered.

“Yes, yes he is,” Tommy reassured her. “He’s really back.”

“He’s really back,” Felicity repeated.

She said those words, heard them coming out of her mouth, but she still couldn’t really believe them. She had closed herself off against this possibility for so long that it wasn’t easy to break down all the walls she had built up to shield herself from any false hope. Tommy’s words sounded like he honestly believed that what he was telling her was true and Felicity knew he would never lead her into false hope, so she wanted to believe him and believe his words, too.

“I… uhm… Can I leave you alone?” Tommy asked. “I really want Ollie to see Mae and-“

“Sure,” Felicity hurried to say. “You get Mae and see Oliver and I… I will try to get back to Starling City as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Tommy replied. “Just keep me updated on your flight and everything and I’ll tell you how Mae’s first time back with her daddy went.”

“Okay. Give Mae a kiss for me.”

“Sure. Bye Felicity.”

“Bye.”

Felicity hung up and sat down on the edge of the mattress. She frowned deeply, still trying to process. Five minutes ago she would have laughed dryly at anyone who would have told  her that there was still a chance for Oliver to be alive and now she was supposed to believe that it was  true.

Puckering her lips, Felicity lifted her hand and pinched herself in the ribs hard.

“Ouch!” She squeaked at the pain and quickly rubbed her fingers over her maltreated skin to sooth the it though she doubted that it was going to stop the contusion she could already feel building there. “Okay, obviously this is not a new kind of nightmare.”

This was no nightmare she could wake up from. Well, a lot would consider this a wonderful dream instead of a nightmare, but knowing how she would feel if this was suddenly not real, she considered it a nightmare. Only that it wasn’t a nightmare. This was real. Oliver was really back.

Felicity took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. It took all her strength and courage, but slowly she let down the walls she had put up these past months and let the thought in.

Oliver wasn’t dead. He was alive and he’d be back in her life. He’d be back in Mae’s life. They would be a family again.

Felicity felt a sob rising inside of her and it escaped her throat before she could stop it. A wide smile spread on her lips and for the first time in more than a year, for the first time since Mae’s birth probably, Felicity cried from joy.

She was really getting him back and Mae was getting him back and… and it felt like finally all the little pieces of her life that had been shattered apart when she had lost him, were melding back together as one again. She was  becoming whole again after she had felt like she was only a mess of a thousand scattered pieces of herself for the past year.

Now she just needed to see him as soon as possible Felicity thought to herself. She quickly wiped the tears from her face and continued throwing everything she needed into her suitcase. She would head to the airport immediately and do whatever was necessary to get back to Starling City as soon as possible. She didn’t want to waste any more time than  what was absolutely necessary to get back home and so she could see Oliver again now that she finally had him back.

Oliver was back. She couldn’t think it often enough. Oliver was really back. He was coming home and they would be a family again. She would have him back with her and Mae and now she would make sure they would never be parted again.

 

 

He was home again, well, at least he was almost home again. He was as close to home as he had been in almost a year.

The city looked almost the same as when he had last looked at it. It was quiet, only silhouettes of the high buildings visible in the dark of the night. There was still light in some windows, but it didn’t look like many people were  awake nonetheless. It was almost like he was the only one still awake, watching over the city he had missed so much these past months.

Ten months, three weeks and one day. That was how long it had been since he had left Starling City. At the beginning he had counted the nights to keep track, but when his hope of ever being rescued had decreased, he had stopped counting or maybe he had just lost track of his counting. Oliver didn’t remember anymore. Eventually he had lost all sense of time while he had been away because every second had felt like a decade. Only when he had been taken to Hong Kong had he really realized  how much time had passed.

Oliver remembered the night before he had left for the boat trip. He hadn’t been able to sleep. He had been too nervous about leaving his family and, at the same time, too excited about finally getting to spend the quality time with his dad that he had always wanted. He had watched over the city through the window of his room in the Queen Mansion and realized that in a way Starling City would always be his home, but that Boston had been his home, too. He had struggled with that thought for a long time, but he had finally realized that home could be any place in the world for him as long as Felicity and Mae were there with him.

He felt his throat burning at the thought of them. Felicity and Madeleine. They had been the reason he had kept fighting these last months and the reason he had never given up. He had wanted to give up so often, but he had known that he owed Felicity and Mae to do his best to get back home to them. God, he had missed them so much. Every fiber of his heart had ached with every single heartbeat to be reunited with them again.

Oliver squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He could still see Felicity and Mae the day he had said goodbye to them at the pier. It was supposed to only be a goodbye for a few weeks, but it had turned into a goodbye for several months for him and a goodbye for like forever for them. During his flight back to Starling he had caught up on some things that he had been able to found in the gossip magazines he hated so much, so he knew that he had been pronounced dead a month after the Gambit had sunk.

He quickly wiped away a tear that was rolling down his cheek. Thinking about how Felicity, his mother and Thea must have felt, thinking he was dead, it was unbearable. He had tried not to think too much about how it must have affected Mae, telling himself that she was just too young to understand the concept of death, but he knew that it must have affected her life, too. He didn’t like to think about it because his baby girl was supposed to have a perfectly easy life without any worries, but he knew that there was no way that it hadn’t affected her life.

At that thought, Oliver felt his thumb rub against his other fingers nervously. Mae had started saying ‘dada’ right before he had left. How many more words could she say now? How well could she walk? How did she look now? What was her day like? What food did she like and what didn’t she like? What ritual did she have for bedtime and when-

“Oliver?”

He felt his shoulders tense slightly. His hand tightened to a fist for a long moment before he forced the muscles in his fingers to relax. Then he turned around to see his mother standing at the door, looking at him with soft eyes. After a moment of hesitation Oliver approached her and his mother came closer at the same time. They met halfway in the middle of the room.

His mother looked older than the last time he had seen her. The last year must have stolen several years of her life span. Losing her husband and her son in a tragic accident like that must have been terrible for her. He wished he could tell her that everything was going back to normal now, but Oliver doubted that anything would be normal again anytime soon. He also couldn’t give his mother her husband back. He was lost to her forever and it was his fault.

“Mom,” Oliver whispered.

There was a part of him that wanted to tell her so much more, tell her how sorry he really was, but no more sound came out and before he knew it, Moira was already spreading her arms and pulling him close to her carefully.

“Oh, my beautiful boy,” she said, tears audible in her voice.

Oliver wrapped his arms around her waist and ducked his head, resting his face against the side of her neck for a moment. It felt good being back with his mom and to get the chance to let her know that he didn’t hate her because he doubted that he had ever made that clear since what had happened when Felicity had been pregnant and Moira had offered her money to leave him. His mother had done her best to show that he and Felicity could trust her and Oliver had tried to do his best to get over his anger. He had had trouble forgiving his mother for that, though. Only during his time away had he realized that he had forgiven her. Eventually he would get to tell her as he had hoped he would during these last months, but tonight was just not the night for that.

All he wanted tonight and all he wanted right now was Felicity and Mae. He had longed for them for so long. He couldn’t wait even another minute to see them again. Oliver pulled back from the hug carefully, giving his mother a short smile. He was already about to ask if they had come with her, or if at least Felicity had come since Mae was probably asleep and shouldn’t be woken up when-

“I am sure you actually want to see two other people right now,” Moira said, probably reading it in his face.

Oliver smiled apologetically, pushing his hands into the pockets of the sweatpants he had been given in Hong Kong. He hunched his shoulders slightly, puckering his lips and nodding his head. “Yeah, kind of.”

“Unfortunately, Felicity is not in Starling City right now.”

“What?”

The only reason why he had decided to be taken to Starling instead of Boston was because he had read that Felicity and Mae were currently living here. Apparently Felicity was serving an internship at Queen Consolidated for her studies. If he hadn’t read of that, he would have told the consul that he wanted to be taken to Boston. As much as he loved his mother, who he really wanted to see were Felicity and Mae and-

“She had to travel to Boston for the weekend,” Moira explained, stroking her hand over her son’s chest. “Tommy called her and she is doing everything in her powers to get back to Starling City as soon as possible, but there are storms on the east coast, so all flights are currently canceled. She is waiting at the airport for the next flight and will call us as soon as she knows when she will be back.”

Oliver nodded slowly. “I understand.”

He understood indeed and the last thing he wanted was for Felicity to get onto a plane or anything when there was a storm going on. A storm had been the very reason they had been apart for so long after all. It didn’t mean that Oliver had to like the fact that she and Mae weren’t here, though. Since he had made it to Hong Kong and they had promise to get him home, all he had been able to think of was seeing them again. It was all he had wanted these last months.

“I’ll see them soon enough, right?” Oliver asked quietly.

He didn’t really believe it. There was no soon enough if it wasn’t now. He knew that he wouldn’t get to see them now, though, so he guessed lying to himself and doing his best to convince himself of the lie was the only thing he could do. He really didn’t have another choice. He had made his way back to Starling City. Now all he could do was wait to see Felicity an Mae again.

“Well, you will have to wait a little longer to see Felicity again,” Moira told him, “but right before I came into your room, Tommy arrived at the hospital and he brought Madeleine with him.”

Oliver’s heart skipped a beat and his voice sounded choked when he asked, “Mae’s here?”

Moira nodded. “Yes, she is here. Felicity didn’t want to put her through the flights to have her with her in Boston for the weekend, so she stayed in Starling City, so Donna and I could take care of her. When I got the call, saying you were alive, I called Tommy to tell him and ask him to call Felicity. Then Tommy and I both agreed that we should bring Madeleine here for you to see her. She can catch up on the sleep she is missing out on later.”

Oliver nodded, unable to form a word given the tight feeling in his throat. He felt his thumb rub against the other fingertips once more and his entire body tensed. He was feeling terribly nervous at the thought of seeing Mae again though he was also unbelievably excited. It had been too long since he had last seen his baby girl.

“Shall I get go get her or would you rather wait and-?”

“No,” Oliver hurried to say, the mere thought of not seeing Mae when he had the chance to sounding weirdly absurd in a way. This was one of the moments he had been waiting on for months now. He didn’t want to waste any more time. “I want to see her please.”

“I’ll tell Tommy to come in with her,” she said with a smile and hugged him close. “I will talk to the doctor in the meantime and ask him when we can expect you back home. I guess you and Mae could use some room and privacy to see each other again.”

Oliver nodded. “Thanks, Mom.”

She smiled at him once more before she walked to the door and left him alone to get Tommy and Mae. Oliver rubbed his hands over his face and took in a deep breath, gathering himself. He was going to see his baby girl again. After so many months of not seeing her and thinking he would never see her again, he felt a lot of tension at just the thought of seeing her again. He didn’t even dare to think about her walking towards him, so he could hug her and kiss her cheek. He would probably burst from pure joy.

When there was a quiet knock at the door, Oliver felt his heart jump into his throat. His thumb was rubbing against the other fingers furiously by now and he tried to press his palms against his thighs to stop the movement, but he couldn’t. When there was another knock, Oliver took in another deep breath. He knew he couldn’t freak out because if he freaked out, then so would Mae, but at the same time he was unable to stop the tension and nervousness he was feeling.

At the third knock he finally felt he had enough control over himself to reply with a hoarse voice, “Come in.”

When the door opened, he felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart skip a beat once more. Tommy stepped into the room, a huge smile on his lips, but Oliver only cast his best friend a short glance. His attention soon focused on the little girl on Tommy’s hip.

She was leaning against him with her head resting on his shoulder. She had definitely grown since he had seen her the last. She had lost a lot of her baby fat which made her face look thinner. At the same time her blonde curls had grown thicker. They protruded wildly in all directions, jumping up and down with each little movement of her head. She looked tired as her eyes were slightly reddened and she rubbed a hand over them since they were probably burning slightly from the tiredness. She sighed sleepily behind her pacifier and snuggled her cheek closer to Tommy’s shoulder.

Oliver felt a thousand different emotions running through him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this much joy. It had probably been the day Mae was born. At the same time he felt a stitch of regret, knowing he had missed half of her life now. He was angry at himself and the world that he had been deprived of being close to her for so long. He was terrified of what it had done to their relationship and hopeful about the future. The mix of all these emotions made his throat feel choked and his chest tightened.

“It’s good to have you back, Ollie.”

For the break of a second Oliver looked at Tommy, smiling at him. His eyes were drawn back to Mae immediately, though. She looked at him with her big blue eyes, just taking him in the way he took her in. His entire world seemed to revolve all around her in the moment and Oliver wondered if it was the same way for her. He took a cautious step toward them and immediately Mae lowered her gaze.

“Hey, Mae,” Tommy said quietly, re-adjusting the toddler’s position on his hip a little, so her face was on one level with his. “Look. Daddy’s back.”

Mae didn’t look at Oliver. She kept her gaze down stubbornly and sighed once more, frowning slightly like she was wondering why she had been woken up only to be taken to the hospital in the middle of the night.

“Yes, I know you are tired,” Tommy whispered into her ear, “but daddy’s here.”

Oliver smiled and whispered, “Yes, daddy’s here.”

He reached out a hand and stroked it over Mae’s head. Her curls felt even softer than he had remembered. They felt like velvet under his slightly calloused fingertips. Oliver could look at her like that for forever. He wanted to memorize every detail about her and how she looked now. He wanted to make sure that her face was forever burned into this memory the way it looked right now.

“She’s so beautiful,” Oliver whispered eventually.

“She definitely takes after her mother with that,” Tommy agreed. He bounced Mae up and down on his arm for a moment before he asked, “Do you want to say hi to daddy?”

He had already started leaning forward, moving to hand Mae over to Oliver, but the little girl released a loud cry. Her hand tightened around the neckline of Tommy’s shirt and she snuggled herself even closer to him. Her eyes stayed focused on the ground stubbornly. Tommy meanwhile wrapped an arm around her protectively like he wanted to give her a feeling of safety. It made Oliver frown slightly. Mae didn’t need any safety, at least not from him.

“She’s just tired,” Tommy explained quickly. “I basically woke her up when I got her out of bed and now she’s terribly tired. It will be easier when you see her again after she slept.”

Oliver nodded, watching Mae and Tommy. When he had left for the boat trip, his best friend had felt everything but safe around Mae. He had never held her. He had never been alone with her. He had full-heartedly accepted her as a part of Oliver’s life and supported him about her, but he hadn’t felt comfortable around her. Now they seemed so close. Mae was seeking Tommy’s closeness in response to Oliver’s touches like she needed Tommy to tell her that it was alright that Oliver was here.

Oliver felt a painful stitch of jealousy and even sadness at Mae’s rejection. He knew that she probably had no memory of him, but he had hoped that maybe the connection they shared as father and daughter would have made her recognize him in an emotional way. He realized that that sounded stupid, but he had needed that hope because thinking that his little girl didn’t recognize him anymore, like it seemed right now, just broke his heart even more than it had already been broken these last few months.

“Are you so tired that you can’t even be happy about daddy being back?” Tommy asked Mae, bouncing her up and down a little bit.

“Tommy,” Mae said clearly before mumbling something more Oliver couldn’t understand, especially since her words were muffled by the pacifier.

Tommy frowned. “You want to go to bed?”

Mae nodded and leaned her head back against his shoulder with a long sigh. She rubbed a hand over her eyes before she pulled back to look at Tommy once more and added some more mumble to her words before.

“Mommy is coming back as soon as she can, so you can’t sleep in her bed. You got your own bed, though. It’s much more comfortable when you have your own bed. You have so much more room. That way you can roll around and-”

Again Mae mumbled. Oliver understood some syllables, but not much.

“Okay, it’s been a long day for you, so Uncle Tommy is coming with you and you can sleep in his bed, okay?”

Mae smiled behind her pacifier, but it only lasted shortly before she leaned her head back against Tommy’s shoulder. Her hand loosened around the neckline of his shirt and started stroking over his cheek instead.

“Sorry,” Tommy said, shrugging his shoulders, “but I think she needs to go to bed. She is only growing grumpy and-“

“I understand,” Oliver interrupted his friend immediately.

Just like with Felicity not being here in Starling he understood that Mae belonged in bed right now. Just like with Felicity not being in Starling he also didn’t like that Mae couldn’t stay longer, though. He wished he could keep her here longer and try to get closer to her already. He knew that if Mae grew grumpy, he wasn’t going to achieve anything, though.

Tommy pressed his lips together for a moment before he sighed. “I wish we could have stayed longer, but maybe it’s better she gets to see you again when she has slept. Your mother went to talk to the doctor and check when you will be getting out of here and-“

“I’ll be released tomorrow,” Oliver explained immediately.

He had been checked through in Hong Kong and then again when he had arrived here in Starling City. The doctor had told him of the several bruises he had, the ones that were still fresh as well as the ones that were older and apparently hadn’t properly healed. Oliver hadn’t answered when the doctor had asked him how any of that had happened. He remembered how he had received each scar and how each of the bones, that the doctor had told him hadn’t healed properly, had been broken.

“Good,” Tommy replied with a smile. “Then I will personally make sure that the little princess here is well rested.”

Oliver nodded slowly, feeling another stitch of jealousy when Tommy kissed Mae’s cheek and she released a short giggle.

“Sounds good.”

Tommy nodded, looking at him for a long moment. “So I will see you tomorrow then?”

Oliver gave his friend a tense smile. “I guess so, yes.”

“Say goodbye to daddy, Mae,” Tommy whispered.

Oliver watched his daughter, but she didn’t move. She kept her head rested against Tommy’s shoulder and just looked at the floor. Tommy finally lifted one of her hands to wave at Oliver, but still Mae made no move. Oliver waved back at them awkwardly.

“Bye,” he whispered.

“Bye, Ollie,” Tommy replied.

Oliver watched Tommy carrying Mae out of the room, whispering soothing words into her ear at the same time. Tommy and Mae were close, which he thought he should probably like because his best friend and his daughter getting along well was something to actually celebrate. Oliver couldn’t suppress the feeling of jealousy, though. Tommy seemed to be so much closer to Mae than he was right now.

Quickly Oliver shook his head. He had been thought dead for the past year. He had missed a lot of Mae’s life and once he was caught up on everything he had missed and taken back his place in her life, their connection would grow again. He was Mae’s daddy and one of the two people closest to her after all. It would just take time to resume his place in her life.

Oliver closed his eyes and breathed out with a smile. He had finally gotten to see his daughter again. Only a week ago it had still felt impossible that this moment would ever happen and now he had seen her and stroked his fingers through her hair. Of course she was wary of him because she didn’t remember him and Felicity wasn’t there to tell her that it was okay and she could trust him.

“It just takes time.”

He whispered the words to himself, pushing away the thought that he had already lost as much time with Mae as it was. He knew that he could only win her back with patience, but it just couldn’t be soon enough. He would do whatever it took to make sure that his relationship with Mae would grow deeper again.

Oliver had gotten a second chance at life and he wouldn’t give that away.


	2. Chapter 2

Oliver made his way down the stairs, always taking one step at a time while holding onto the banister tightly like he was afraid he would trip and fall. He was feeling dizzy because he was nervous, knowing that Felicity was on her way there coming from the airport. It would only take a few more minutes for her to arrive at the mansion and for him to finally see her again after all this time. He would wrap his arms around her, hold her to him tightly and never let her go again. That was what he knew.

He had made it halfway down the stairs when he stopped upon hearing the voices coming from the living room. He hadn’t heard the doorbell when he had been upstairs in his room still, but judging from what he heard the guests his mother had invited over for dinner were already here. Oliver felt his thumb rubbing against the tips of his other fingers nervously at the thought of meeting so many people. Of course he knew everyone his mother had invited and it really was just Felicity’s family, her mother and stepfather as well as Sara, Nyssa, Laurel and Tommy of course, but it was slightly overwhelming thinking about meeting all of them again when he hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Felicity yet or hold Mae.

Sucking in a deep breath, Oliver clenched his hand into a fist. He had hoped coming back from the hospital and seeing Mae again when she wasn’t tired and when she was in her home, or at least in a familiar place, would help. As much as his mother and Thea had tried to encourage her to go to him, talk to him or just let him hold her, she hadn’t seemed happy about it. She had been clinging to Moira and Thea, keeping her distance from him.

Slowly Oliver released a breath, counting to ten in his head. He knew it would take time for Mae to open up to him. She hadn’t seen him in a year, so it couldn’t be easy for her. Once she realized that he was part of the family, she would warm up to him. Oliver would just have to remind himself to stay patient and suppress his own needs to make sure Mae was comfortable. It wasn’t easy as he had already lost so much time with her, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

As Oliver was looking around the foyer, trying to find something to busy himself with, and to put off going to the living room a bit longer, he found himself drawn to the collection of framed photos on the front table. When he had come home, he had immediately wanted to see Thea and Mae and hadn’t taken a look at the photos. Then after being once again rejected by Mae earlier today, he had gone upstairs into one of the guest rooms, napped and taken a shower before coming back downstairs. His mother had told him to just take his room, but she had also mentioned that Felicity had occupied it since he had gone missing and he didn’t feel right invading her privacy without her permission. Anyway, he hadn’t taken a look at a single family picture yet, so this seemed like the perfect moment to catch up on that.

As he was still taking the last steps towards the table, he already realized that new photos had been added to the collection, while others had been taken away. The photo of his dad and him in front of the Gambit had been replaced by a photo of the two of them together in the garden. His dad was holding a newborn Mae in his arms, while Oliver had his hands pushed into the pocket of his pants, looking at the two of them.

There were the usual photos that had always been there from his childhood, photos of their family, and there were some photos that had been added as their family had expanded. One photo showed Felicity and him with Mae in front of the fireplace in the living room. It was a little blurred, but Thea had taken it during their first Christmas together and she had insisted on adding it nonetheless.

Oliver skimmed through the other more or less familiar pictures before he focused on the ones that must have been taken while he had been missing judging from Mae’s age in the pictures. There was one of Mae alone, her face smeared with chocolate. Another one showed her in the pool with floaties on her arms, while Thea was holding her hands. There was a photo of her and Moira, picking flowers, as well as one of her and Tommy snuggled up on the couch. He was making a face at her and she was laughing happily.

It was good knowing that she had had happy moments. She was too young to live with the sorrow of losing her dad and grandfather. Yet Oliver could feel this stitch he always felt when he thought about how much he had missed. He had wanted to be part of her happy moments. He had wanted to make all these memories with her.

When Oliver heard the front door opening, he turned around and smiled when he saw Tommy standing in the open door with a grin.

“Didn’t get the chance to tell you last night, but I told you a lot of times already that yachts suck,” Tommy stated. When Oliver just rolled his eyes in response, Tommy chuckled. He crossed the distance towards him and pulled him into a hug. “It’s really good to have you back, man.”

“Yeah,” Oliver said with a sigh, loosening himself from the hug. “It feels good to be back, weird in a way, but good nonetheless.”

When Tommy just continued to smile at him, Oliver lowered his gaze for a moment. His eyes fell on the pullover he was wearing. He had been surprised when his mother had brought him some of his old clothes to the hospital, but he had also been glad to have them instead of being forced to buy new ones immediately. He frowned, thinking back to the moment he had put this pullover on after his shower, and looked back up at his friend.

“You know, when I put on these clothes after the shower, I could have sworn that they smell like Felicity,” he said, his voice almost breaking as he was saying her name. He lifted the neckline of his pullover to his nose and smelled at the fabric, but it almost smelled of his aftershave. Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe I am imagining things.”

Tommy looked slightly uncomfortable, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and hunching up his shoulders. He seemed to be trying to avoid Oliver’s gaze, but when he finally looked at his friend and found his eyes still on him, he sighed.

“Felicity wore your clothes for some time after you… disappeared,” Tommy explained, shrugging his shoulders. “First she wore them all the time, then later just when she was sleeping. She cried for almost two weeks when your smell started to fade. It was… it wasn’t easy here without you.”

Oliver rubbed his hand over his chest at the heavy feeling that spread there. He felt like there was a tight fist forming around his heart, making his chest feel tightened. He had known, or at least imagined, that Felicity had mourned him. Hearing how bad it had been for her still hurt him. He had never wanted to cause her so much pain.

“Did Felicity call you and tell you that she’s on her way from the airport?”

“She called my mom,” Oliver said.

Tommy smiled. “She needs to see you. If she just talks to you, she will feel like she is just crazy and this isn’t real. She…”

“I understand,” Oliver said.

As much as he would have wanted to talk to Felicity, he also knew that being back with her would only feel real when he saw her and was holding her in his arms. Well, he hoped that was what would be happening. He had been away for a long time and  time hadn’t stood still. Oliver thought and rubbed his thumb against the other fingers nervously once more.

“Everything alright, man?” Tommy asked, putting a hand to his friend’s shoulder.

Oliver looked up, taking in a deep breath. He could see the worry in Tommy’s eyes and had to look away for a short moment before he found the courage to ask, “Is Felicity seeing anyone currently?”

“Oh,” Tommy said, obviously surprised by his question.

“I just… I know that I have been away a long time and… Felicity, well, she’s… she’s Felicity. She is beautiful and smart and funny and amazing and… I guess she had offers and… like I said I was away a long time and… I was just wondering… I mean… Is she… Does she… Does she have someone new?”

“Sounds like being apart from her for a year didn’t take away the babbling that rubbed off on you,” Tommy said with a chuckle, but when Oliver wasn’t joining in and instead just continued to hold his breath as he was waiting for an answer, he quickly fell silent and became serious again. “Felicity is not seeing anyone.”

Oliver felt the breath escaping him and he squeezed his eyes shut as relief spread inside of him. He knew it was selfish to be happy that Felicity hadn’t found anyone new, but he couldn’t help it. As much as he wished she hadn’t suffered while he had been missing for a year, he hadn’t wanted to come back and find that the life as he had known it was no longer existing and there was no way for him to get back what he had been missing for so long.

Of course the fact that she was hurrying back towards him had sounded promising to him, but he hadn’t wanted to be too hopeful. He and Felicity would always share a connection given that they had a child together. He had worried that she wasn’t hurrying back because she had missed him or because she wanted him back but just because he was her daughter’s father. He had always trusted their relationship, but a lot could happen in one year. He, of all people knew that, so he needed to make sure.

“You think I still have a chance with her?” he asked.

Tommy chuckled. “Ollie, I am going to bet a hundred bucks that she is going to come in here and after five seconds of staring at you and doubting her senses she will run right into your arms. It will be like you have never been away… kind of.”

Oliver took in a deep breath, slowly allowing himself to really hope that things could go back to the way they had been because that was what he wanted. He wanted for things to go back to how they had been before he had gotten on the Gambit. He wanted to be a family with Felicity and Mae again.

“You know, for her there has only ever been you,” Tommy said. He moved his hand through his dark hair and scratched the back of his neck. “I kind of trapped her into going on a double date with this guy Laurel knew from her internship at the precinct last month. I thought it was the right thing for her to try finding someone and move on because, well, we didn’t think you’d come back and…”

“I understand,” Oliver whispered and lowered his gaze, feeling like he had been saying these word over and over again since coming back. “Are you sure she’s available then?”

“Oh yes,” Tommy said and at the firm way he said it, Oliver looked at his friend. “Really, it was the shortest and most awkward double date I have even been a part of. I actually felt so sorry that I considered sending that guy flowers to tell him I am sorry for suggesting this evening in the first place. Felicity left early and when we talked about it the next day, she yelled at me to keep out of her life. I swear I never had a worse earache than after that fight and then Laurel was mad at me, too, because she didn’t know that I hadn’t really told Felicity that she was going on a date. It taught me never to mess with her decisions again. She wasn’t ready for someone new, so I stepped back and respected her decision. I have to admit that if I had known that dragging Felicity’s butt onto a date with some random guy was going to bring you back in like a month, I would have suggested for her to go on a date the day we heard the Gambit went down.”

“Yeah, would have been nice not to spend a whole year away.” Oliver sighed and turned around to the table of photos. “I wouldn’t have missed so much.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Tommy hurried to say. He stepped next to Oliver and pulled out his phone from the pocket of his pants. “As soon as I got over my fear of that little girl, I started saving like every moment of Mae’s life for eternity. We will get you caught up on all of it.”

Tommy held out his phone for Oliver and he started skimming through the pictures. Except for some photos of Tommy and Laurel,  most were of him and Mae, sometimes with Felicity, Laurel or Thea in the picture, too. It seemed like Tommy was spending a lot of time with them and if the way Mae smiled at him and clung to him in the pictures was any indication, she was really close to him.

It felt weird, almost unreal really. When Oliver had left on his trip to China, Tommy hadn’t even been able to hold Mae and now they were best buddies? Oliver knew he should be happy. He had wanted Tommy and Mae to get along, but it felt weird.

“Everything alright?” Tommy asked.

Oliver shook his head with a smile, handing his friend back his phone. “I just need a little time to get used to being back.”

“Sure. We are all here to help you.” Tommy smiled before nodding towards the living room with a sigh. “Ready?”

Oliver took in a deep breath. “Okay.”

They had just taken the first steps towards the living room when Oliver heard a car door falling shut outside. He stood still and immediately turned around, focusing on the door. He was holding his breath and feeling every muscle in his chest tighten when he heard quick steps approaching before the door was flung open and time just seemed to stop.

Felicity was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling quickly. Her blue eyes were focused on him, taking him in like he was a ghost. She was slightly paler than he had remembered, her blonde hair a little longer. She wore her usual ponytail though almost half of the hair had fallen from the hair tie and was falling loosely around her face. Her glasses set askew on her nose. She was wearing leggings and an oversized pullover that almost made her look lost in the too large fabric. Nonetheless she looked just as beautiful as he had remembered.

When their eyes met, Oliver felt his heart skipping a beat before it started racing in his chest. It pounded against his ribs almost painfully, taking his breath away. He felt his hands starting to shake nervously.

It had been so long since he had last seen her or held her or talked to her. On the island, where he had been lost this past year, he had dreamed of seeing her again. He had wanted to do the most normal things with her, like having breakfast or brushing his teeth next to her. He hadn’t needed anything special. Normal would have really been enough. He had tried to make a deal with a God he still wasn’t sure he believed in that if he ever got to see her again so he could tell her how much he loved her and how much knowing her had enriched his life, he would give up everything.

Just when he heard Tommy whisper a quiet “five”, Felicity took the first step towards Oliver. He could almost see the scene Tommy had painted out for their reunion going to happen when-

“Mama!”

Mae came running from the living room with her arms spread wide open. She ran right past him and Tommy and almost jumped up at her mother. Felicity’s eyes broke the contact with his when she bent down to lift Mae from the floor and into her arms. The little girl pressed herself close to her mommy and peppered her face with kisses that made Felicity chuckle.

“Hi, sweetie,” Felicity said, smiling at their daughter eventually. “Did you have a good time while mommy was in Boston?”

“Tia boo.”

“Thea took you to the zoo?” Felicity asked, gasping for breath dramatically, and Oliver wondered if maybe he was the only one who didn’t understand his daughter since neither Felicity nor Tommy seemed to have any trouble with that. “You gotta tell me all about that.”

“After dinner,” Tommy suggested quickly. He walked over to Felicity and took Mae from her, shooting Felicity a pointed look like he was trying to tell her to take her time. When he turned around, starting to walk to the living room, he shot Oliver a look just like that, too. As he walked past Oliver with Mae in his arms, Tommy whispered into her ear, “You should have stayed in the living room. Now I owe your daddy a hundred bucks because your mommy didn’t come running into his arms like I said she would.”

Once Tommy and Mae had disappeared into the living room, Oliver focused back on Felicity. She was looking at him again, less like he was a ghost now. She took in a deep breath and approached him slowly, her eyes taking him in intently as she did so. When she was standing only a few inches away, their chests almost touching when they were taking in a breath at the same time, she stopped.

Oliver gulped. She was standing so close to him that he could feel the warmth radiating off her body. He could smell her perfume mixing with the scent of her skin and he felt his heart stumble in his chest at all the memories it woke in him. He remembered the nights they had gone out of town during their time in high school when their relationship had still been a secret and they had made out in the back of his car. He remembered lazy days spent at the Aquarium when Felicity had been pregnant and still nobody had known about them. He remembered playful afternoons spent with Mae in Boston. He had never forgotten any of those memories, but the island had made them seem so far away, unreachable really.

When Felicity moved, Oliver felt himself being pulled from his thoughts and back to reality. She lifted a hand, reaching it out hesitantly. Her eyes snapped to his chest shortly before she looked back at his face. Her fingers were shaking slightly when she put them to his chest and rested them right over his heart.

A sound, a mix of a sob and a gasp for breath, escaped Felicity’s lips. She looked at him with tear-filled eyes like she was only now really believing that he was alive and he was here, right in her reach. Oliver felt his heart pounding more firmly like it was trying to high-five into her hand. He felt his own throat tightening, tears welling in his eyes, too. He had given up so many times this last year, thinking he would never see her again and never make it home, yet here they were.

“Hi,” he whispered his voice breaking, unsure of what else to say.

He didn’t miss how completely awkward it sounded given the situation, and if the way Felicity laughed through her tears was any indication, she didn’t miss it, either. Oliver felt a little of the tension he had felt building up decreasing and he huffed out a laugh, too.

It immediately fell off his lips when Felicity closed the distance between them. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pushed herself as close to his body as possible before she pressed her lips to his. Oliver didn’t waste a second, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her to him tightly. He doubted that she could breathe with how firmly he was holding her, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. All he could do was tighten his hold on her even more and respond to Felicity’s lips on his.

The kiss was desperate. This, kissing Felicity fiercely and being kissed back by her with the same urgency, made him feel more alive than the beeping of the ECG in the hospitals in Hong Kong and here in Starling City. As much as he wanted to frame her face with his hands gently and hold her delicately like the treasure she was to him and put the same gentleness into the kiss, he couldn’t. One year of missing her and thinking he would never see her again crushed down onto him. The desperation he had felt that whole year poured into this kiss like he had to catch up on all the times he had wanted to kiss her and hadn’t been able to.

It didn’t seem to be any different for Felicity, though. Her right hand was clawed into his short hair, while her left one was holding onto his pullover. Her body seemed to press itself closer and closer to him, even when there was no way to get closer. Her lips were moving against his quickly, her tongue stroking into his mouth.

When Oliver felt her body starting to tremble, he bent down a little bit and straightened back up to lift Felicity into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his hips and adjusted her position until she was safe and comfortable. Bending his head back a little, she deepened the kiss once more.

Oliver didn’t know how long they had been kissing each other when the need for breath grew too much too bare, with Felicity crying and hyperventilating.  He kissed a path from the corner of her mouth to her jaw and down the side of her neck. He pushed his face against her neck and shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut and breathed her in. As soon as he felt Felicity’s tears against his neck, he couldn’t hold back his own anymore and started crying, too.

Felicity was back in his arms. He was back in her arms. He was home. For the first time in almost a year Oliver felt safe again.

Slowly he felt his heartbeat calming down, coming in sync with Felicity’s. They were beating in unison, like they were one. Bit by bit their breathing calmed down, too, until they could finally take deep breaths again. Eventually Felicity lifted her head from his shoulder and touched his forehead with hers. Her nose moved against his while her fingers stroked through his hair gently.

“I can’t believe you are really back,” she whispered, her voice almost breaking again.

“I know,” Oliver whispered back.

“I missed you so much.”

“I know. I missed you, too,” Oliver replied, tightening his arms around her, “so much.”

Taking in a deep breath, Felicity leaned her head back a little. When Oliver opened his eyes, he saw her wiping away some tears and he reached out a hand to stroke away a strand of hair that was clinging to her wet cheek. When he put his hand to her face then, Felicity leaned into his touch, closing her fingers around his wrist.

“Tommy told me he visited you with Mae last night?”

Oliver nodded. “She’s beautiful and she has grown so much.”

Felicity chuckled, nodding her head. A few more tears rolled down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away again as she answered, “Yes, it’s unbelievable. It’s like yesterday she was this sweet, little newborn and now she’s-“

“Mama, hungry!”

“-a demanding toddler,” Felicity said with another, slightly sad chuckle.

Releasing a sigh, she leaned her forehead against his once more. She let go of his hand to cup his face instead, her fingers stroking through his short stubble lovingly. After moving her nose against his once more, she touched his lips with hers chastely. Then she pulled back again, releasing another sigh.

“We need to go in there. It’s already past Mae’s usual dinner time and if you don’t want your first evening back here to end with a temper tantrum that will give you a headache for a week, she really needs to have dinner now.”

“She throws temper tantrums?” Oliver asked.

Felicity snorted. “You have no idea.”

“Yeah, I guess I don’t,” he mumbled, lowering his gaze.

“Hey,” Felicity whispered regretfully and put her fingers under his chin to lift his face. She smiled at him encouragingly. “You have missed a year. We have like sixty more with her if we’re lucky. You will see that sooner than you think it will be like you have never been away. Mae is a little darling. She is stubborn as hell and she knows exactly what she wants and what she doesn’t want, but she is the sweetest little girl to everyone she loves.”

Oliver nodded slowly, suppressing the thought that what he needed to do was to make his daughter love him again. It wouldn’t be easy. Mae didn’t seem too interested in getting to know him, but then it had only been a couple of hours since he had been back. He knew it would take more time, days or maybe even weeks. He had to be patient, even if that was really something he felt was not his strength.

“Okay,” he whispered, nodding his head.

Felicity smiled and brushed her lips against his once more before she loosened her legs from around his hips and set her feet back to the floor. She took his hand and tugged him with her towards the living room. Right before they stepped into the room, she turned around to him once more, once again tears welling in her eyes.

“I am really happy you are back, Oliver,” she whispered.

Oliver nodded and kissed her forehead. Holding a hand to the back of her neck and keeping his lips close to her skin he whispered back, “I am really glad I am back, too.”

“We are going to figure this out, right?” Felicity asked.

Oliver nodded. “Of course we will. And you know what’s going to be our first step?”

“To get our daughter dinner?”

“Exactly.” Oliver chuckled and kissed her forehead once more. Then he took her hand, squeezing it. “Come on.”

 

****

“Mama cry.”

At the toddler’s words, everyone turned their heads towards Felicity, looking at her worriedly. While Oliver pushed his chair closer to hers until their arms brushed against each other’s, Felicity quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. He sat back down and put his warm hand to her thigh comfortingly. Immediately she held onto his fingers.

“No, mommy’s not crying. Mommy’s just… uhm…” Felicity stopped, unsure what to say that could distract Mae from her mother’s tears or explain to her why there were tears at all, but nothing came to her mind.

“Hey, Mae,” Tommy said, “can you bring me the sugar? I think my strawberries need more sugar.”

Mae looked at Tommy and then nodded. She approached Donna and pointed at the sugar caster. Meanwhile Felicity shot Tommy a look of gratitude and he winked at her in response.

You gotta pull yourself together, Smoak, Felicity told herself. It was just so overwhelming to have Oliver back. Until she had felt his heartbeat under the palm of her hand, she hadn’t been able to believe it and now all the relief and joy and regret of the time he had missed was crushing down on her. During the entire three-course menu she had been unable to stop occasional tears from rolling down her cheeks. She had done her best to hide it from Mae, but of course she was bound to be caught.

Once Mae had given Tommy the sugar caster, she looked at Thea. “Tia play.”

Thea pushed the last of her strawberries into her mouth and looked at Moira. “Mom, can I?”

“Sure,” Moira replied with a smile, probably not in the mood to enforce her rule that the table was only being left when everyone had finished dessert. The evening was for celebration, not for rules. “Her Lego bricks are in the living room.”

Thea nodded, slid off her chair and approached her niece, taking her hand. “Come on, Mae. We’ll go play in the living room.”

Felicity looked after the two of them, releasing a quiet breath of relief. She knew that this had to be a lot for Mae because as little as she was she didn’t fully understanding what was going. Felicity did believe that she felt something big had happened. It had been the same when Oliver had gone missing. Mae hadn’t understood it cognitively, but emotionally she had known that something had changed.

Silence settled around the table. Everyone kept looking around, not sure what was the right thing to say. During dinner, almost all talk had been about Mae and she had happily joined into the conversations with her babblings. Usually everything revolved around the little girl when their family was gathered together. Felicity was sure that everyone else here had as many burning questions as she did, but nobody dared to ask, even now that Mae and Thea had left. Admittedly, Felicity felt like this wasn’t the right time or place for that anyway.

“How was your trip to Boston?” Laurel asked eventually.

“Good,” Felicity answered hurried. She opened her mouth to say something more when she realized there really there wasn’t much else to say about it. “It was good.”

Laurel nodded slowly, puckering her lips to try prolonging the conversation, but she didn’t seem to know what else to say. She looked at Tommy, who was still eating the last of his strawberries, but he only shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. She then shot a look back over her shoulder like she hoped that maybe Mae would magically reappear to ease the tension, but she was nowhere to be seen.

“So have you two already decided when you will be moving back to Boston yet?” Donna gave it a try and sipped at her wine. “Not that I want to get rid of you. It’s quite the opposite really. I am just trying to ready myself for when I will have to let you go again.”

“Mom, we had maybe like five minutes for ourselves. There wasn’t really any time to make any meaningful decisions. Besides, I doubt that going back to college is Oliver’s priority right now,” Felicity replied. As soon as she realized that she sounded like she was deciding over Oliver’s head, she looked at him. “Or do you…?”

“No,” Oliver hurried to say, shaking his head and squeezing her hand. Then he looked at Donna. “For now I just want to really come home and figure a few things out. I guess we are going back when Felicity’s internship ends and the next semester starts or whatever has been her plan.”

He turned his head to look at her and Felicity smiled, nodding her head. “We will figure out what to do.”

“Yes, we will,” Oliver whispered.

Before another awkward silence could settle, Mae came running in, holding two of her Lego bricks in one hand and a piece of chocolate in her other. She held the bricks out for Tommy.

“Tommy, help,” she said and took a bite of her chocolate and tried to separate the bricks to show that they were stuck.

“Mae,” Felicity said and immediately her daughter turned her head towards her. “That’s the last sweets for today.”

Mae nodded, holding the bricks out for Tommy once more and hit them against his forearms lightly. “Help.”

“Go, give it to daddy,” Tommy said.

Felicity felt Oliver’s fingers tightening around hers. She knew from Tommy that the first meeting with Mae hadn’t gone as well as Oliver had probably hoped for, but Mae had been tired as she had been woken up in the middle of the night. Tonight she seemed rather full of energy with everyone here. The two would need a quiet moment, a lot of those probably, to get as close to each other as they had been. Felicity was sure it wouldn’t take too long, though. Oliver and Mae had already had an amazing connection with each other. They would build that back in no time.

“Tommy,” Mae said once more.

“Give it to daddy,” Tommy said once more, pointing at Oliver. “Daddy can help.”

Mae looked at Oliver for a long moment and Felicity wondered if she was going to go to him and ask him for help. Instead of doing so the little girl ran over to Sara, though.

“Sara, help,” she asked like she had asked Tommy before.

Sara shot a short look towards Felicity and she just shrugged her shoulders. Maybe tonight with everyone here really wasn’t the best time for Oliver and Mae to take the first steps towards each other. Besides, Mae was certainly soon going to bed anyway. When Sara separated the two bricks that had apparently gotten stuck, Felicity squeezed Oliver’s hand and he turned his head, looking at her with a sad smile and shrugging his shoulders.

Felicity had no idea how this had to feel for him. It had to be so overwhelming to be back after a year of going through God knew what. She was going to make sure that he was really coming home, mentally and emotionally, and she was going to help him settle back into his life if he let her.

As Mae hurried back into the living room, Oliver asked, “How many words can she say?”

“A lot,” Felicity replied with a smile. “In  the winter she knew around forty, but by now?”

“I think she learns new words every day,” Tommy added.

“Definitely.

Oliver nodded slowly. “Sounds amazing.”

“It is,” Felicity said, beaming with pride.

“It is not so great when certain somebodies curse around her, though,” Sara said, shooting a look at Nyssa.

She lifted her hands in defense. “It was only one time and it wasn’t even her first bad word.”

“Guilty,” Quentin admitted.

“Learning to speak delivers great stories to tell, though,” Tommy said with a chuckle. “When she started speaking more, she eventually learned my name, but she had trouble pronouncing the ‘t’, so it actually ended up being ‘mommy’ instead of ‘Tommy’.”

Everyone chuckled and Laurel playfully slapped her boyfriend’s shoulder. “You are acting like you minded, but you loved it.”

Tommy could barely contain his grin. Yet he sighed dramatically. “It was a confusing time.”

“But it offered so many great stories to tell the girls when you were taking Mae for a walk in the park,” Nyssa replied, giving him a look.

“Hey, would I ever use Mae to get into contact with girls when I already have the best girlfriend?” Tommy asked, putting an arm over the back of Laurel’s chair.

“Yes,” Sara, Nyssa and even Laurel said in chorus, making everyone chuckle.

“Hey!” Tommy complained. Laurel smiled and kissed his cheek, whispering something into his ear that made Tommy smile. Then he looked at Oliver and said, “Your daughter really did well at replacing you as my wingman. She has a natural talent.”

Felicity turned her head to look at Oliver, but the expression on his face was unreadable. There was a slight frown on his forehead as he looked at his friend and nodded slowly. Felicity squeezed his hand and he turned his head. She smiled at him and Oliver lifted their linked fingers to kiss the back of her hand.

She felt terribly sorry for him. He had missed so much and hearing all the things everyone had experienced with Mae probably only brought home to him how much he had really missed in his daughter’s life. When Felicity felt new tears welling in her eyes, she quickly pushed the thought away and took in a deep breath. No more tears for today.

“I love Mae,” Tommy said with a sigh eventually. “She is the sweetest.”

“Strange to know how close you are now when you think about how you couldn’t even hold her in her first year,” Quentin said.

“She was just so tiny.”

“Newborns always look like they could be crushed in your arms, but these little human beings are stronger than we think. I remember Oliver’s first days and how Robert-“ A pained expression crossed Moira’s face, but it only lasted a short moment before she put on a smile and turned to Donna. “Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night here, too? Laurel and Tommy are staying overnight and you know I never mind having friends over.”

“Thank you, Moira, but it’s really not a long drive home,” Donna replied with a smile. “I will call you tomorrow, so we can make a date for a shopping spree soon, though. It’s been awhile.”

Moira smiled. “That’s a great idea.”

Felicity watched the two women. A few years ago she would have never thought that they could be friends, but eventually their children’s love for each other as well as their love for their granddaughter had brought them closer. Donna had really helped Moira through the loss of Robert and Oliver. They were closer now than they had ever been.

“Done playing?” Sara asked when Thea and Mae returned from the living room.

Thea nodded. “Yes, she wasn’t in the mood to play.”

“She’s probably tired,” Felicity told Thea and glanced at her watch. She was just about to tell her daughter that it was really time for bed when she saw the jelly beans in the toddler’s hand. “What do you have there, Mae?”

“Last,” Mae hurried to say, trying to hide the jelly beans in her hand. “Last.”

“No, mommy said the chocolate was the last sweets,” Felicity said, shaking her head. She held out her hand. “Come on, give me the jelly beans.”

Mae’s hand tightened around the sweets and she frowned, saying once more, “Last.”

“No,” Felicity said firmly. “Mae, give them to mommy. Mommy said no more sweets today. It’s not nice that you went back into the living room and got yourself new ones.”

Mae approached Felicity and reluctantly handed her over the jelly beans. Her face screwed up and tears welled in her eyes when Felicity put the jelly beans on the table. Releasing a loud whine, the toddler turned around and walked to Tommy, reaching out her hands for him and Tommy lifted her onto his lap, holding her close.

“Mama no,” Mae cried out.

Tommy stroked a gentle hand over Mae’s head. “Yes, mommy said no, but mommy’s right.”

“Mae jelly.”

“Not today,” Tommy said. “You had chocolate and mommy said no more sweets, so no jelly beans today.”

“Today,” Mae cried out.

“No, not today,” Tommy replied once more. He pointed at Mae’s pacifier at the other end of the table and Nyssa threw it over to him. “Here. Your binky.”

Mae opened her lips and Tommy pushed the silicon of the pacifier between them. He whispered something into her ear then and Mae nodded, slid off his lap and approached Felicity. She let go of Oliver’s hand to lift their daughter onto her lap and Mae snuggled herself close. She was almost lying in Felicity’s arms, her head resting on her mother’s chest.

“You are so tired,” Felicity whispered, kissing the crown of her daughter’s head. “You gotta go to bed.”

“Just let her stay here a few more minutes,” Moira suggested. “It’s just so nice to have everyone gathered together again.”

Felicity nodded, smiling at Moira. Then she leaned her cheek against her daughter’s head and looked at Oliver. His eyes were focused on Mae, but the little girl showed no interest in giving her father any attention. Her tired eyes took in the strand of Felicity’s hair she was playing with instead.

“So what was it like there?” Thea asked suddenly.

Everyone looked at Thea and then at Oliver. He didn’t show any reaction to his sister’s question. There was no pained expression like there had been when Moira had talked about Robert. It was almost like he hadn’t heard the question, but Felicity knew he had. She felt her heart beating in her throat as she was nervously waiting for his answer.

“Cold,” he finally said.

Cold Felicity thought. It was just a word, not even a really bad one. There would have been words that would have probably been a lot worse to describe his time away - torturous, frightening, cruel. Yet it broke her heart a little more, thinking about how bad it must have been. She made a mental note to make sure that he was never going to be cold again. She’d snuggle up to him in bed and make sure she wouldn’t steal his blanket like he had always claimed she loved to do.

“I think it’s time for Mae to go to bed and I am actually kind of tired, too. The long flight and everything,” Felicity said with a loose gesture of her hand, interrupting the tense silence that had settled. She got up and looked at Oliver. “You want to come with us?”

He nodded, quickly getting up. “The sooner I get to know about all her routines, the better.”

“Absolutely,” Felicity agreed with a smile.

“I am getting you caught up on everything you have been missing out on tomorrow if you want to,” Tommy suggested.

Oliver nodded slowly, pressing his lips together and shrugging his shoulders. “Sure.”

“Say ‘goodnight’, Mae,” Felicity said.

Mae lifted her hand and waved, mumbling something behind her pacifier that Felicity couldn’t understand. She shrugged her shoulders at her family and friends and they chuckled before they all said their goodnights to them. Felicity promised her mom to call her tomorrow and then nodded for Oliver to follow her and together they went upstairs.

“She still got her old nursery?” Oliver asked on their way upstairs.

Felicity nodded. “Yes. There’s new furniture, but it’s still the same room. It’s a lot less pink now, by the way.”

Oliver nodded slowly before he frowned. “Does she have a favorite color?”

“Turquoise,” Felicity replied. “She always calls it ‘turkey’.”

Oliver smiled and so did Felicity. She led him over to Mae’s nursery, right next to their bedroom in the mansion. She switched on the light and while walking over to the changing table, she watched Oliver taking in the room carefully. Back before he had gone on the Gambit, the room had been dominated by pink and white. During the nursery shopping Oliver and Donna had agreed on a pink nursery, but since Felicity had decided for another nursery set, Oliver had bought the pink one for Mae’s room in the mansion.

“It looks nice,” he said eventually.

“Mae loves being in Starling City. She is getting so wonderfully spoiled by our mothers and everyone else here. When I decided to serve my internship at Queen Consolidated, I considered getting an apartment of my own here, but then I knew I couldn’t pay for it and I didn’t really want your mother to pay for a second apartment for us. She is already paying for the one in Boston. Besides, Mae needed someone to take care of her when I was at QC. I remembered how much you always loved Raisa, so I figured it was a good idea to just move in here.”

“But you still have our apartment in Boston?”

“A new one,” Felicity replied. Starting to undress Mae, she shot a look over her shoulder to watch Oliver walk around the room. He went over to the small shelf and took a closer look at the photos on the wall. When she didn’t continue, he turned his head to look at her with his eyes perked up. Felicity shrugged her shoulders. “We needed a room more for Tommy.”

Oliver frowned. “Tommy is living with you?”

Felicity nodded. “Tommy and Laurel actually. Tommy started out sleeping on the couch in the living room, but as time passed and neither of us wanted him to move out, we realized it was time to find an apartment with a room for him. We basically live in a house across the street, so we are still close to John and Lyla.”

“They are still taking care of her when you’re at college?”

“A nanny does actually. Lyla started working again, but since the girls are so close, we figured one nanny for them together was going to make more sense,” Felicity explained. When she had changed Mae’s diaper and put on her pajamas, she lifted the toddler from the changing table and turned around to Oliver. “I have to brush her teeth.”

“I will… wait here,” Oliver said, pushing his hands into the pockets of his pants.

Felicity nodded. “We won’t take too long.”

She hurried over to the bathroom that was linked to their bedroom. Mae stood on a small stool in front of the sink while Felicity was brushing her daughter’s teeth. Felicity made sure to do it thoroughly without taking too much time. She didn’t want to make Oliver wait for too long and Mae looked like she was going to fall asleep right here if Felicity didn’t  hurry.

Once Mae’s teeth were brushed, Felicity lifted her daughter into her arms and carried her back into her nursery. Oliver was sitting in the armchair next to the crib, holding the pink octopus he had given to Mae right after she had been born.

“She still has this?” Oliver asked.

Felicity smiled. “Of course she does. It’s her favorite, following her almost everywhere she goes.”

Oliver smiled proudly. “Good to see that at least some things haven’t changed.”

Felicity felt her smile tense a little and quickly looked at Mae while at the same time pointing at Oliver. “Hey, you see what daddy got there?”

Mae looked at the octopus in Oliver’s hands and reached out a hand for it. Oliver got up from the armchair and moved the face of the octopus against Mae’s nose gently. The toddler looked at her mommy and when Felicity smiled, Mae squealed happily. Felicity saw a wide smile spread on Oliver’s face and she could almost feel his relief spreading in her chest, too. It was just a smile, but maybe it was a first step.

“Does mommy get a goodnight kiss now?” Felicity asked. Mae took her pacifier from her mouth and kissed Felicity’s lips gently. “Thank you. And does mommy get another kiss to give to daddy?”

Mae leaned forward and kissed Felicity once more. Felicity pressed her lips together, making urgent sounds like the kiss could escape her as she leaned over to Oliver. He lowered his head and their lips met and in a gentle kiss. When she looked back at her daughter, the toddler was busy snuggling her cheek against the octopus, the pacifier back in place.

“Goodnight, sweetie,” Felicity said and lay her daughter down in the crib.

She took Oliver’s hand and pulled him towards the door. When she switched off the light and stepped out of the room, she heard Mae moving. Turning around, she saw the toddler sitting up in bed.

“Mama?”

“Mommy’s just going into her bedroom,” Felicity explained. “Mommy’s not going away. Just lie back down and close your eyes.”

Mae hesitated, but eventually she rolled onto her side and snuggled up to the octopus. Felicity left the door open and pulled Oliver with her into their bedroom. She slipped out of her shoes and pulled a set of pajamas from the dresser.

“Is that her usual bedtime routine?” Oliver asked, standing in the middle of the room indecisively,  watching her.

“Usually she gets a bottle of milk and sometimes we read a story together, but she was so tired already that I felt we could skip it,” Felicity explained.

“And now she is going to fall asleep?”

“I hope so,” Felicity replied with a quiet chuckle. “She’s usually easy to-“

“Mama!”

“Mama’s here,” Felicity said just loud enough for Mae to hear.

“Mama, binky!”

“You have enough binkies,” Felicity replied. Then she turned to Oliver once more. “She always has at least three of them in her bed.”

Oliver nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Absolutely. She usually tries to get me to come back at least once, but I doubt she is going to be awake much longer,” Felicity replied. When she started taking off her clothes to get into her pajamas, she cocked her head at Oliver, who still hadn’t moved from his place in the middle of the room. “Don’t you want to get ready for bed? I mean… Moira probably dug out the clothes we kept or-“

“I brought them to one of the guestrooms.”

“Oh.”

Felicity felt a stitching feeling in her chest. She should have probably prepared for something like this to happen. One year could change a lot. Yes, they had kissed, but maybe that had just been this first moment of seeing each other again after a year of being apart and a year that put Oliver through the death of his father and probably the fear of his own death. They would always be connected through Mae, but a lot had happened to him and maybe he needed time to work through that or maybe after one year of being away he just-

When Oliver stepped in front of her and lifted her chin to make her look at him, Felicity’s thoughts came to a stop. She saw the intense expression in Oliver’s blue eyes and the gentle smile playing on his lips. It calmed her down enough to make her take a deep breath.

“Just give me one night, okay?” he asked in a whisper. “I just need one night to… come home and… get used to being here again. I…”

Oliver pursed his lips like he was unsure of how to say what he was thinking or feeling. He just looked at her intently like he was hoping that maybe his eyes were saying what his lips couldn’t. And indeed Felicity understood.

She nodded. “Yes, sure. Sorry. Of course you can take time. I was just worried for a second that maybe you didn’t want to sleep here because-“

Oliver interrupted her with a gentle kiss to her lips. His hands framed her face and his thumbs stroked over her cheeks. When their lips parted, they breathed the same air for a long moment before he brushed his lips against hers one last time and then took a little step back to look at her.

“We didn’t have much time before dinner, so I didn’t get to say this, but I’d like us to be together again… or still… or whatever… if that is what you want too?”

“Being together again or still or whatever sounds great to me,” Felicity replied with a wide smile. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her ear over his heart, closing her eyes for a moment. “Really sounds perfect.”

Oliver wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her head. Felicity smiled. She had been dreaming of this moment, being back in Oliver’s arms, for so long. She had given up all hope that it would ever happen. Yet here she was in his arms, listening to the beat of his heart that told her that he was as alive as he could be.

“Do you think she fell asleep?” Oliver asked eventually.

Felicity pulled back just enough to look at him. “I think so.”

“When does she wake up usually? I want to have breakfast with the two of you.”

“Most of the times I wake her around eight-thirty. She loves sleeping in.”

Oliver smiled, tipping his fingers against the tip of Felicity’s nose. “No idea who she got that from.”

Felicity straightened up onto the tip of her toes and pecked his lips shortly. “Anything more I can do for you tonight?”

Oliver sighed, looking towards the bed and puckering his lips. “Would you mind if I took your pillow?”

“No, of course not,” Felicity said, walking over and throwing the pillow at him, but Oliver caught it easily. “Don’t you have one in the guest room?”

“I do,” Oliver replied, lifting the pillow to his nose and breathing the fabric in, never taking his eyes off her, “but this one will help me fall asleep.”

Felicity smiled, feeling her heart warming at the sight. “I am doing what I can.”

Oliver smiled at her for a long moment before he pushed the pillow under his arm and stepped in front of Felicity. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her closer, so they were chest to chest. He lowered his head and kissed her gently. His tongue swiped over her bottom lip and Felicity opened up to him. Their tongues met in a slow dance before their lips eventually parted again.

“Good night, Felicity,” he whispered.

Felicity smiled. “Good night, Oliver.”

Oliver brushed his lips against hers once more, stroking the knuckles of his fingers over her cheek before he stepped back from her. He smiled at her for a moment longer before he eventually turned around and headed to the door.

“Should I close the door to the nursery?” Oliver asked.

“No, I need to switch on the monitor before I go to bed anyway,” Felicity replied, “but thanks.”

Oliver nodded. “Sure.”

He lifted his hand to wave at her a little awkwardly before he left for the guest room.

Felicity slumped down onto the edge of the bed and laid back, staring at the ceiling. This was like a dream come true. Now she just had to hope that she was never going to wake up from it because she doubted that she could live with that anymore. Seeing him again and feeling him again was everything she had never dared to really hope would happen again. She’d do anything to keep Oliver safe and close. She couldn’t lose him a second time. Not ever. **  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Three hours after waking up Oliver gave up trying to chase more sleep. With a deep sigh, he turned onto his back, pushing an arm under his head. He pressed the side of the pillow to his nose inhaling a deep breath. He smiled, smelling the scent of Felicity on the fabric. It had helped him sleep much better than in the hospital even if he was still far from sleeping well.

It was mostly his thoughts that kept him from catching the rest he needed and even craved. While during the nights in Hong Kong he had been kept awake by the excitement of finally going home again, the first night back in Starling had been filled with nervousness about seeing Felicity again. Having been so close to seeing her again and yet not being able to actually see her had brought missing her to a whole new level. It was like when you were hungry for sweets and there was a plate full of chocolate right in front of your nose, but you couldn’t touch it. Actually, missing Felicity had been even worse.

Oliver pressed his lips together and shot a look at the clock on his nightstand. It was almost eight, so if Felicity hadn’t gotten up already, she would have to do so soon to wake Mae. Smiling, he pushed the blanket aside, slipped into some sweatpants and a shirt and tiptoed down the hallway to where Felicity was sleeping. He considered knocking, but he figured since he couldn’t hear anything from behind the closed door that she was probably still asleep.

He opened the door and sneaked a peek inside. When he saw Felicity still sleeping soundly, lying across the mattress with her legs entangled with the blanket, he smiled and quickly pushed himself into the room, closing the door behind him. He took in a deep breath, trying to keep a hold on his emotions at seeing her so peaceful, at seeing her again at all really because a part of him had still trouble believing it. Her soft snoring made lightly chuckle as he approached her slowly.

He considered kneeling down on the floor beside her, but he figured that she wouldn’t mind if he just joined her bed, so he climbed onto the bed next to her. He rolled onto his side and propped his head up onto his hand. He watched her for a long moment before he stroked a strand of her hair out of her face, revealing the small crease between her eyebrows. Oliver reached out his hand hesitantly, moving the tip of his forefinger against this small sign that maybe she wasn’t as peaceful as he had thought he was.

When a smile spread on Felicity’s face at his gentle touch, Oliver felt himself being infected by it immediately and his own face brightened up with a smile, too. He lowered his face to the pillow and rubbed his nose against hers. It wasn’t long until Felicity scooted closer to him, snuggling against him. Oliver wrapped his arms around her body, holding her tight as he closed his eyes. This was part of what he had wanted for a year, just lying next to Felicity and watching her sleep. He could feel her breath against his collarbone and her heartbeat against his ribs.

“You can’t be here,” Felicity whispered eventually, not opening her eyes.

Oliver frowned slightly. “Why?”

“Because it’s not fair,” she replied, moving impossibly closer to him. She pressed her nose against his skin and breathed him in. “Because I will open my eyes and you won’t be here anymore.”

Oliver swallowed, tightening his arms around Felicity. He felt tears welling in his eyes and had to take a deep breath to keep them from falling. When Felicity had cried quietly during dinner last night, shedding a tear every once in awhile and wiping it away for nobody to see, he had let her try to hide it until Mae had noticed. He had seen that she must have suffered from his absence, but this, knowing she must have dreamed of him and woken up to the nightmare of her reality every time, had to be a lot worse.

Slowly rolling Felicity over, so she was lying on her back, he rested himself on top of her and kissed her lips gently, morning breath be damned! It took her a moment, but eventually Felicity responded to the kiss, seeking more by opening his lips to the touch of her tongue. She detangled her legs from her blanket to wrap them around his hips loosely while her fingers were starting to stroke through his short hair. When he broke the kiss, she was chasing his lips, but Oliver kept right out of her reach, just nuzzling her nose.

“Felicity, open your eyes,” he whispered. “Open your eyes and trust me that I will still be here when you do.”

There was a pained frown on her face. Oliver stroked a hand over her forehead before he took one of her hands from his back and put it to his chest, right over his heart. She took in a hissing breath, squeezing her eyes shut firmly, before she opened her eyes.

“Hi,” she said, looking at him with confusion like she still wasn’t trusting her eyes.

Oliver was sure it would take a while before she could wake up and not be confused about him really being there, just like it would take a while until he wouldn’t wake up in panic, thinking he had to immediately get up to fight for his life. He lowered his head and gently kissed her lips.

“Hey,” he whispered then, touching her forehead with his.

Felicity took in a trembling breath, her arms wrapping around his back and holding him to her. “You are really here.”

“Yes,” Oliver replied. “I am really here.”

She released a breathy chuckle. “I still can’t believe it.”

“I know,” Oliver responded and pecked her lips. “We will get used to it.”

“Definitely,” Felicity agreed. She stroked her hands up and down his back before she kissed both of his cheeks and lips. Then she asked, “How did you sleep?”

“It could have been a lot worse,” Oliver explained. “Your pillow helped a lot. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Felicity smiled at him and bit down on her bottom lip. When Oliver perked up his eyebrows, she chuckled and told him, “I was just wondering how much more it will help when you are sleeping right next to me.”

Oliver felt himself tense slightly and if the way Felicity’s hand stroked over the tense muscles was any indication, she didn’t miss it, either. She framed his face with her hands and moved her thumbs through his short stubble before she lifted her head from the pillow and kissed him gently. Oliver felt himself relax a little and he released a long breath, tightening his arms around her.

“Let’s see how the day goes, okay?” he asked.

Felicity smiled. “Of course. There is no hurry. I mean… we kind of lost a lot of time together, but I want you to feel comfortable and you shouldn’t push yourself, I am just going to be patient and hoping to myself that you will feel ready soon because I am certainly going to miss you in the bed, but of course I don’t want to pressure you which I just realized I am doing and- you are smiling at me. Why are you smiling at me?”

“Because I have missed this,” Oliver explained, softly stroking his knuckles over her cheek. “I have missed lying in bed with you and listening to you babble.”

Felicity chuckle. “Really? You missed the babbling? Because I can tell you that most people are just getting headaches from it and actually wish me to go far away.”

“Not me,” Oliver replied, shaking his head. “Especially because when you babble I get to stop you like this-“

He lowered his lips back to hers, kissing her soundly. His lips moved against hers as his teeth grazed her bottom lip. Felicity sighed contently, allowing him to stroke his tongue against hers in the process. He poured all his love into the kiss, wordlessly telling her how much he loved and had missed her. He had been unable to do so yesterday as he had been too overwhelmed by being back with her, but now he could take his time and actually do so. They had all the time in the world now.

When low noises started coming from the baby monitor on the nightstand, they pulled apart. Oliver smiled, seeing Mae stretching her arms over her head tiredly. She was making noises, mixtures of grunts and sighs, that were easily the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. She sat up, looking around and rubbing her hands over her eyes.

“Mama,” she called out. “Mama, Mae wake.”

Felicity chuckled. “Isn’t she the sweetest?”

“Most definitely,” Oliver replied, smiling at the video of his daughter.

“I’ll go get her,” Felicity suggested, but Oliver was already rolling off her and out of bed.

“I’ll do that,” he said.

Yesterday he had earned himself a smile from the toddler. Now he would do his best to make sure they were making more process. Even if it was only little steps, if they were getting closer, he could be patient. He had to be patient.

When he opened the door to the nursery, Mae turned her head towards him. Her big, blue eyes took him in carefully, hesitation clear to see on her face. She grabbed her pink octopus, holding it to her chest tightly.

“Good morning, little princess,” Oliver said with a smile. “Did you sleep well?”

Mae looked at him for a moment before she turned her eyes away and took in the pink octopus as if she was seeing it for the first time now. Oliver stepped next to the crib, but Mae kept her gaze down.

“Come on, we are going to mommy,” Oliver suggested.

He reached into the crib, trying to lift Mae out, but it had been so terribly long since he had last held her. There was actually a part of him that was worried he was going to do it wrong. As little as he believed that she was easily breakable, he did fear that he was going to do something wrong and break the little connection they had made yesterday by hurting her.

Taking in a deep breath, he gave it a try. He put his hands to her waist, but Mae showed no sign that he was doing it right. Shouldn’t she be reaching her arms out for him or something?

As if reading his thoughts, Mae sighed and reached out her hands, still not looking at him, though. Oliver sighed in relief and lifted her out of the crib and into his arms. It was much easier with her help.

“Hi,” he whispered to her, stroking a hand through her curly hair. This was the closest he had been to her in a year and feeling her quick heartbeat against his ribs was making his heart beat a little more quickly, too. “Did I tell you how beautiful you are?”

“Mama,” she simply said, rubbing two tentacles of the octopus together. “Mama.”

“Alright,” Oliver said. “We are going to mama.”

As soon as Oliver turned around to head back to the bedroom, hoping for the kind of family cuddles they had often shared in the mornings before he and Felicity had headed to classes. Before he got to take a step, Tommy walked past the nursery, though.

“Tommy!” Mae exclaimed.

Tommy stopped, turning around to them, and smiled widely. “Hey, munchkin.”

Immediately Mae started struggling out of Oliver’s arms. She moved her legs until Oliver let her down on the floor. She ran across the room to Tommy and reached out her hands for him. Tommy didn’t hesitate to lift Mae into his arms and pepper her face with little kisses that made her squeal happily.

Oliver felt another stitch of jealousy at seeing how close Mae was to Tommy and how open she seemed when she around him. He tried to push his hands into the pockets of his pants until he remembered that his sweatpants didn’t have any pockets, leaving him to awkwardly crossed his arms in front of his chest as he watched on.

Yesterday during dinner, he had realized how much Mae really seemed to love Tommy. She had gone to him with the stuck Lego bricks and she had sought his comfort when Felicity had forbidden her to eat the jelly beans. There was even a photo of Tommy, Felicity and Mae on her first birthday, the very first birthday he had missed as he had been lost on an island, fighting for his life. He had been thinking about Mae all day on her birthday, hating that he wasn’t there for her big day when he had spent weeks imagining it.

He knew it wasn’t Tommy’s fault this had happened. There was just this little part of him that hated that Tommy had been part of everything Oliver had missed out on.

He quickly shook that thought off, though. Tommy was his best friend. He had actually proved that by becoming friends with Mae and helping Felicity through the time without him. Oliver should be grateful to have a friend he could always count on, even when he was believed to be dead. How many people could say that about themselves?

“She just woke up,” Oliver explained a little awkwardly.

Tommy smiled and tickled Mae’s stomach, making her giggle once more. Then he asked, “How was your first night back in the mansion? I guess the bed can only be an upgrade from the hospital beds or whatever bed you had been sleeping on before.”

“It was okay,” Oliver replied, shrugging his shoulders. “It takes time to get used to actually sleeping in a bed again.”

Tommy’s smile froze for a moment and Oliver regretted being so honest. He should have known that this kind of honesty wasn’t going to be appreciated.

“I mean… I… the beds in the hospital were saggy, so it was like not sleeping in a bed at all,” Oliver mumbled, barely able to look at Tommy.

His friend quickly caught himself again. “Well, breakfast is certainly something else you will like to get used to again. You get Felicity. Mae and I will make sure breakfast is ready when you join us downstairs. Right, munchkin?”

“Mae milk.”

“Yes, you can help me prepare your milk,” Tommy explained. “Nobody can help me better than you anyway.”

“Mae help.”

“Yes, Mae will help me with the bottle,” Tommy replied. He looked at Oliver and explained, “She loves helping prepare her bottle. Last week I dared to bring her the fully-prepared bottle to bed. She refused to drink it. I did consider letting her day start without the usual bottle, but who can say no to this sweet, little face when she asks for her milk and to help prepare it?”

Mae squealed happily and Oliver’s smile turned warmer. It was weird hearing these stories of his daughter as if he was an outsider who needed to be told things. In a way that was probably exactly what he was. He was an outsider as he had missed a lot of her life. He had one year of stories to catch up on.

When Mae released a whine, mumbling something to Tommy that Oliver didn’t understand, Tommy nodded and explained to Oliver, “I have to take her downstairs or she gets grumpy. Take your time before coming downstairs. I am sure Raisa prepared a feast to honor your first morning back. She always prepares a large buffet, but I am sure she made something special for your return.”

Oliver nodded, watching Tommy take Mae downstairs. He would have loved to take her downstairs himself, but she seemed to be so content in Tommy’s arm that he didn’t protest Tommy’s plan. He would just have to get used to the idea that baby steps really meant baby steps. He had held Mae in his arms today, even if only for a few seconds. Maybe that was the baby step for today.

When he strolled back into the bedroom, Felicity was already on her feet, slipping into some yoga pants and a sweater from MIT.

“Tommy took Mae downstairs already,” he explained.

“Yeah, I heard.”

Felicity nodded towards the baby monitor on the nightstand before she went into the bathroom. Oliver sat down on the edge of the mattress, watching Felicity put her hair back into a ponytail and then brush her teeth. She didn’t seem the slightest bit surprised that Tommy had taken her, so Oliver guessed it was a normal thing. Like it was apparently normal that he lived with Felicity and Mae.

“Do you have to go to QC today?” Oliver asked after a moment.

Still brushing her teeth, Felicity leaned into the doorframe and shook her head. “No. I talked to Mr. Steele and he said I can take as much time off as I need to and either catch up on the missed time later or just, you know, sweep it under the rug and never talk about it again. I guess it’s one of the advantages of serving an internship in a company which has your boyfriend’s name on the building. If he comes back from the dead, you actually get days off to celebrate.”

Oliver’s smile grew a little tense as he was unsure what exactly to think or say about that. He knew that Felicity often tried to be funny to cover up her own pain or to hide the awkwardness of a situation. Usually he could deal with that, but he wasn’t sure how exactly to deal with that right now.

Eventually he whispered, “It’s actually my father’s name.”

“I am so sorry,” Felicity hurried to say, her eyes widening in shock at what she had just said. “I have no idea why I said that.”

When she walked back into the bathroom to rinse her mouth, Oliver lowered his gaze. The trip to China should have been a way for him and his dad to grow closer together and during the time they had spent together on the Gambit, Oliver felt they really had achieved that. He had told his dad a lot about his fears of failing as a good boyfriend and father and he had been so relieved to have his father’s support. They had shared stories with each other, from one father to another. After the tense relationship they had had when Oliver had been younger all the way up to the moment he had told his parents that he was going to be a teenage father, it had just felt so good to be able to talk to his dad about things and feel like they were on the same level.

Their journey had almost come to the planned end as it would have only taken two nights more for them to reach their destination at the coast of China when the storm had taken them by surprise and the Gambit had sunk. Oliver rubbed his hands together nervously at the memory of that night. It had been a year and still he struggled to really understand what had been going on there. It had always felt so unreal. It still did in a lot of ways.

When he heard Felicity approaching, he looked up. She gave him a comforting smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him and taking his hands in hers.

“I am sorry about your dad,” she whispered. “I know you just started to build the kind of relationship with him that you had always hoped for and I am sorry it got taken away from you too soon.”

Oliver nodded slowly, barely able to look at Felicity. He felt his stomach cramping at her words. Losing his dad had been as painful as being away from Felicity, Mae and the rest of his family. He hadn’t had anyone to comfort him. He hadn’t even had the chance to really grieve his dad or the life he felt he had lost.

Now probably wasn’t the time to do so, either. He was back in Starling now and all he could do was look forward because looking back was not going to help him here. To use the second chance he had gotten and move on with Felicity and Mae. He owed himself, and he owed his dad, to live.

“Let’s go downstairs before Tommy and Mae eat all the food,” he stated, giving Felicity a half-hearted smile. “We don’t want them to-“

“Oliver,” she whispered.

“Just-“ Oliver started but hesitated. He reached out a hand for her and Felicity intertwined her fingers with his, getting up from the bed. Oliver sighed quietly. “I am going to talk to you about… about what happened. I promise you that I will tell you everything you need to or want to know. I just… Just… Just not now please.”

Felicity looked into his eyes intently, almost like she was trying to read what was going on with him, before nodding. “Okay.”

Oliver released a breath of relief, grateful for her understanding. He pecked her lips shortly. “Thanks.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” Felicity replied. “I will be patiently waiting for you to be ready. Just take your time and tell me when you are ready.”

Felicity clung to his arm as they headed downstairs. At first Oliver thought they were going to the dining room where breakfast used to be served when he had still been living here, but Felicity steered him towards the kitchen. They hadn’t yet reached it when Oliver could already hear Mae’s happy giggles.

“She is not really a morning person,” Felicity explained with quiet voice, “but sometimes she does have her good mornings, especially when Tommy is around to make her breakfast. He always makes a show of it.”

Oliver frowned. “Tommy can’t make breakfast.”

“Well, Tommy can’t cook,” Felicity corrected him, “but he can very well put together the food Raisa made in a way that Mae likes.”

Before Oliver got the chance to ask what food Mae liked or how she liked her breakfast being served, Felicity was pulling him into the kitchen with her. Mae was sitting on the countertop, looking at Tommy adoringly while he was juggling  an apple, orange and banana.

“Oh, oh,” Felicity said with a chuckle and let go of Oliver’s hand to approach Mae and Tommy. She lifted her daughter into her arms and kissed her cheek before she asked, “Who is in trouble for playing with the food?”

“Tommy!” Mae exclaimed with a squeal, pointing her finger at him.

Quickly Tommy hid the fruit behind his back and leaned towards Mae, whispering loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, “Distract her.”

“Mama, Tommy face,” Mae said immediately, pointing at a plate on the kitchen counter next to her.

Felicity turned her head to the plate and gasped dramatically. “Oh my god! The pancake has a face. How can the pancake have a face?”

“Tommy,” Mae replied.

“Tommy gave the pancake a face?”

Mae nodded and grabbed for the plate. Felicity took the plate and held it out of Mae’s reach as she walked towards the small table. She sat Mae down before she put the plate in front of her. Immediately Mae started eating, mostly using her hands to feed herself.

When Tommy put a plate with a pancake and chocolate syrup down on the table, Felicity quickly pulled it close. “So nice of you to make me breakfast, too, Tommy.”

Tommy narrowed his eyes at her before he looked at Mae and said, “You are lucky you are such a sweetheart. Otherwise I would have ripped you mommy’s head off for stealing my breakfast.”

Felicity chuckled, watching Tommy return to the kitchen island. Then she turned to look at Oliver and frowned. “Don’t you want to have breakfast?”

“Uhm…” Oliver said awkwardly, quickly shaking off all the impressions the scene at hand had made. He had been too focused on observing to actually act. “Yes, of course.”

He quickly went over to the kitchen counter where Tommy was pouring a lot of chocolate syrup on another pancake. Oliver grabbed a plate, trying to get an overview of all the things Raisa seemed to have prepared. There were bowls filled with chopped vegetables and fruits as well as rolls, toasts and croissants. Scrambled eggs and muffins and bagels and god knew what else filled up the rest of the kitchen island.

He hadn’t had a variety of choices for breakfast since he had moved away and he hadn’t had any breakfast in about a year as he could barely get anything down. He felt like he had forgotten how any of these foods taste and how to decide which one to try first.

“I’d go for the scrambled eggs and a toast if I was you,” Felicity whispered into his direction, probably sensing his difficulty to choose from the large variety.

Oliver smiled gratefully, quickly getting what Felicity had suggested and adding some bacon to it. He would have never believed that you could forget how to choose what you liked, but a lot of things he had thought weren’t possible had been proven quite possible recently. 

When Oliver sat down next to Felicity, he quickly kissed her cheek and whispered, “Thanks.”

She turned her head and smiled at him, asking, “Coffee?”

Oliver nodded and she grabbed them two mugs. Oliver meanwhile started eating slowly, watching Mae grabbing a piece of banana from her plate and pushing it into Tommy’s mouth.

“Oh, thank you so much,” Tommy said. “Good thing I have you to make sure I am eating healthy.”

“Where is Laurel?” Felicity asked.

“She went for a run, but she should be back in a couple of minutes,” Tommy explained. “She-“

“Tommy, face!”

Tommy looked at Mae and followed her look to the pancake that had been used as a face and was now missing the fruit. He gasped. “Did you eat the entire face?”

Mae nodded, giggling happily. Then she pushed the plate to Tommy. “Tommy face!”

“Okay, Tommy’s going to make a new face, but you gotta help me.”

Mae jumped off her chair and Felicity grabbed the toddler’s hand just in time to prevent the little girl from losing her balance and falling face forward on the floor.

“Careful, Mae,” she warned.

“Mama too,” Mae said, not letting go of Felicity’s hand and tugging at it instead. “Mama too.”

Felicity shook her head. “Mommy is having breakfast. You go and help Tommy make your breakfast.”

“Mama too,” Mae said once more, but again Felicity shook her head.

“You go and help Tommy. Mommy is having breakfast.”

Mae didn’t seem happy about her mother’s answer and Oliver was just about to offer that he’d come and watch her help Tommy when Tommy called for her from the kitchen counter and immediately Mae ran to help him, smiling happily. Oliver turned his head to watch Mae as she was enamored with how Tommy made a great show out of creating another face on the pancake. He was throwing around the pieces of fruits before catching them with the plate so they came landed on the pancake just where he needed them.

Felicity put a hand to his thigh, calling his attention, and Oliver turned to her with perked up eyebrows. She was smiling softly at him.

“Do you have any plans for today?” she asked. “I mean not that you have made appointments or anything I guess, but do you… do you know what you want to do today?”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I need to buy a few new clothes and other stuff eventually, but I am not really up for that today.”

“Yes, that has time,” Felicity agreed with a smile. “Thea would be happy if you asked her to come with you shopping, by the way. She once complained to me that you never took her shopping.”

Oliver nodded. “Duly noted.”

Felicity smiled. “I was thinking if maybe you wanted to-“

“Mama!”

At Mae’s call, Felicity looked past him and smiled at their daughter. Oliver followed her gaze and where Tommy was juggling with some fruits again while Mae watched.

“Yes, Tommy is doing great,” Felicity said. She turned back to Oliver. “What I meant to say is-“

“Mama!”

Felicity sighed, got up and kissed Oliver’s cheek. “Give me a second.”

She went to the kitchen counter and immediately Mae reached out her arms, so Felicity pulled the toddler closer until she was sitting on her mother’s hip. Mae pointed her finger at Tommy.

“Yes, Tommy is making a great show to make breakfast even more fun,” Felicity said with a chuckle.

Then she whispered something into Mae’s ear that he couldn’t understand. It made Mae giggle and exclaim something Oliver didn’t understand. Tommy understood, though. He handed Mae a piece of strawberry and she smiled happily as she pushed it into her mouth and made munching sounds. Felicity and Tommy both chuckled.

Oliver watched the three of them. He knew by now how close Tommy and Mae were and how much Felicity had leaned on Tommy in the past year, but seeing the three together like this still made his heart tighten in a way. It was like they were a family, but Felicity and Mae were actually his family, not Tommy’s.

He knew he had no right to be angry. He wasn’t even angry. He understood that his absence must have caused problems and Felicity had needed someone to lean on. He was glad that she had found someone she could trust and who was so great with Mae, but as much as he told himself to be rational and just deal with it, he couldn’t stop the heavy feeling of jealousy that was spreading in his chest.

This should be him. He should be the one making breakfast for Mae and he should be the one making a great show out of it. He should also be the one Mae was demanding attention from. When she had been a baby, she had always demanded his attention. She had crawled into his lap and pulled herself up with her hands grabbing his shirt. Then she’d play with his stubble and give him open-mouth kisses that had left her spit on his skin.

Oliver knew it would take time. He had known it all along. Coming back and expecting everything to be like it had been even before he had left had been hopeless from the start, so he had prepared himself for all kinds of changes. It didn’t mean that he was really ready to accept and deal with them now that he was here. These past couple of days he had told himself to be patient over and over again. Yet he felt his patience fading already.

When he felt his emotions overwhelming him, he quickly got up. Tommy and Felicity both turned to look at him.

“Everything alright?” Felicity asked.

“Yes,” Oliver lied, quickly putting on a smile. “I just… I need some fresh air. I’m tostep outside for a moment.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Felicity asked.

“Mama!” Mae called, tugging at Felicity’s ponytail to call for her attention.

Oliver shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I just need a moment.”

He turned around quickly and headed outside. As soon as he took a step onto the terrace, he took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. He closed the doors behind him and walked towards the balustrade. Resting his forearms on the warm stones he rubbed his hands over his face.

It still all felt like a dream. From the moment his dad had woken him in the middle of the night, telling him there was a storm and they all needed to put on the life jackets and prepare for the worst, it all felt like a dream. Over the past several months, he had pinched himself again and again, trying to wake himself from this nightmare his life had become, but he never woke up.

He would do anything to go back to the day he and his dad had started their trip to China to convince him to not go. Or maybe he could be taken back to the day he and Felicity had moved to Boston, so he could make things right this time and not find the wrong friends. He could go back to the day Felicity had told him that she still wanted to go to Boston and instead of taking out months of bottled up emotions on her, he’d talk to her about it. That way it would also prevent him from almost being too late for his daughter’s birth.

Oliver shook his head. The island had given him a lot of time to think about his mistakes. Between fighting to survive and praying that he got a chance to tell Felicity and Mae how much he loved them, thinking about his past mistakes had really been all he had done. He had wanted a second chance of making it right. Now he felt like the first thing he needed to do was to actually get in the kind of place where he could make things right, at least with Mae and then-

“Hey.”

Oliver flinched, quickly turning around to where Laurel was approaching him from. At his panicked expression, she stood still and lifted her hands. Oliver sighed, shaking his head.

“Sorry.”

Laurel smiled, shaking her head. “Don’t worry. I did kind of sneak up on you.”

Oliver pressed his lips together and turned back towards the garden. Leaning forward and resting his forearms on the balustrade, he took in the elaborate flowerbeds his mother had laid out. When he was a kid, she had always taken care of the flowers. It was the one thing she had always preferred to do herself and only given into the care of a gardener if it had been necessary.

Laurel came to stand next to him, mimicking his position. She looked over the garden for a long time before she shot him a short look and asked, “Everything alright?”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I just need to get used to a few things.”

Laurel nodded shortly before she looked back over her shoulder. Oliver followed her gaze towards the kitchen. Felicity, Tommy and Mae were sitting at the table again, Mae kneeling on her chair between her mother and friend. She was looking back and forth between the two of them, feeding Tommy strawberries and Felicity banana. It was the perfect family scene. They could plug marmalade or whatever products were plugged with breakfast scenes like that.

“Seeing the three of them together can be quite overwhelming, right?” Laurel asked, smiling at him comfortingly.

“It’s just weird seeing them like that,” Oliver whispered, “like they are a family. Mother, father, daughter – all happy together.”

“I know,” Laurel replied with a low sigh. “They look like they belong together like that and like it has never been different, but always the three of them together.”

Oliver frowned, looking at Laurel intently. She was smiling, but he narrowed his eyes at her, looking for any sign that maybe she was bothered by their connection, too. There wasn’t anything that would give anything away, though.

“Don’t you mind this at all?”

Laurel hesitated for a moment, considering her answer carefully it seemed. She shot another look towards the kitchen and lifted her hand to wave when Tommy noticed her. Oliver watched Tommy tapping Mae’s shoulder and then point outside at Laurel. Immediately Mae started waving and Laurel smiled, waving back at the toddler. While Mae went back to eating her breakfast, Laurel looked back at Oliver.

“After the Gambit went down and we thought you were… dead,” she said eventually, making a long pause. She released a long breath and looked at the garden once more before she looked back at him, smiling sadly. “Losing the two of you was very shocking, especially to the people closest to you. Your mom didn’t get out of bed for weeks until Thea called Donna. She was crying because she had no idea what to do and she was scared about your mom and she missed you so much. Donna basically lived here for a month until Moira start to heal from the loss of you and your father. Tommy spent a lot of time here to distract Thea.”

Oliver nodded shortly. Tommy and Thea had always had a good relationship or at least as good as the relationship to your best friend’s younger sister could be.

“Felicity and Mae have been staying here a while, but eventually we went back to Boston,” Laurel continued. “Donna was worried because she didn’t want to just let Felicity go, but she and Quentin both had their life here in Starling. They had their jobs here and their friends here and Donna wasn’t sure if she could leave Moira alone. I promised her I’d take care the Felicity and Mae. Besides, she had Lyla, who has always been like a second mother to her, and John in Boston, too. She had friends to support her and Tommy was moving there soon after as well. She was pushing everyone away, though. She wanted to be left alone, spent her days solely with MIT-stuff and Mae. She didn’t meet friends. She barely left her apartment. She didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep.”

Oliver felt like he’d been socked in the stomach. He knew Felicity, and he knew that in times of crisis her first instinct had often been to do things alone. After her father had left, she had felt like she had to prepare herself for people to leave her, so she had learned to get used to doing things alone from the start. During their relationship, she had slowly started to let her guards down. Losing him must have brought them back up and it broke his heart knowing how hard it must have been on her.

“What happened then?” Oliver asked eventually.

“What was bound to happen,” Laurel replied. “She collapsed. I got a call from the hospital. She was in class and just passed out from exhaustion. She slept for an entire day, cried for another and then sat in her bed in the hospital and said she couldn’t stay at MIT. She wanted to give up and go back to Starling and study there because she felt she couldn’t do it anymore. Tommy, Moira and Donna all came to Boston when Felicity was released from the hospital. We talked things through with her and made a plan. Felicity wasn’t sure about it at first, but she agreed to give it a try. Tommy started living at her apartment. He slept on the couch for a long time. That way she wasn’t alone with Mae anymore and actually got a little bit more sleep because Tommy could step up when Mae was crying all night. He also made sure that Felicity was taking care of herself, that she was sleeping and eating enough. When Tommy and I eventually got back together, the three of us decided it was easiest for us all to move in together. That way we could all take care of Mae. We could all take care of each other really.”

Oliver nodded. Raising a baby and going to college hadn’t been easy. He and Felicity had realized that during their year in Boston, too. They had had to make a strict plan of who dropped Mae at the Diggle’s in the morning and who picked her back up. They had made sure that they weren’t making plans for the same evenings, so someone would stay always stay with her. It had been stressful, but as Mae’s parents they had done it. Knowing that their friends had agreed to give up part of the freedom of college life to help Felicity, when he hadn’t been able to, meant a lot to him.

“So that is how Tommy grew so close to Felicity and Mae?”

Laurel nodded. “He wanted to make sure she could stay at MIT. He knew how much it meant to her and how much it meant to you that she was going to MIT. He would have moved to Boston anyway. He just spent a lot more time helping Felicity with Mae than he might have planned on. At the beginning it was really hard, especially because he had no idea what to do with a baby, but he learned how to deal with her and then it worked out. Felicity could stay at MIT and her life got a little less stressful.”

“And you never minded that they were so close and have this happy-family-relationship?” Oliver asked. “I mean… they look like they are a couple.”

“They are not,” Laurel said gently, but with a certainty that allowed no objection. “There was a time that I might have thought that maybe they were going to be a couple eventually. It was at the very beginning before Tommy and I were together. I had never seen him caring that much and being so responsible and ready for all the involvement. I thought maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was doing it for Felicity. I was ready to step back from my own wishes to be with Tommy because I thought he wanted something with her and figured that if Felicity wanted him, I shouldn’t be in their way, especially because of everything she had been through. I was ready to try being mature, responsible and understanding.”

“But?” Oliver asked.

“But there are absolutely no romantic feelings between these two,” Laurel told him with a smile. “They get along well. They both love you and they both love Mae and they both want what is best for her, but they aren’t interested in each other, at least not like that. They like each other and care about each other and each other’s well being. That’s all. Tommy was just what Felicity and Mae needed after you… were gone.”

Oliver turned his head once more, watching Mae trying to push another strawberry into Tommy’s mouth, but he kept his lips shut firmly. When she almost seemed to be giving up, he quickly snapped at the strawberry, making Mae squeal so loudly that Oliver could hear it outside.

“Besides, Felicity always loved you and only you,” Laurel added. “Even if you hadn’t come back, I doubt she would have been ready to move on with anyone else anytime soon.”

Oliver nodded. Tommy had said almost the same thing to him yesterday. The truth was that he wasn’t that worried about Felicity and him right now. She had welcomed him back with open arms, telling him that she loved him and she wanted to be with him. Things between them, as complicated as they were, were actually kind of easy. Felicity remembered him. She understood why he hadn’t been part of her and Mae’s life in the past year. She loved him and had wanted him back to fill the void he had left when he had supposedly died.

For Mae it was different because she didn’t remember him. She had no idea who he was and she didn’t understand why he was suddenly here and trying to get closer to her. He didn’t even know if there had been a void for her when he had been missing from her life because he had no idea how much of that she had understood.

Oliver turned his head back over his shoulder again, once more watching Mae and Tommy interact. The toddler seemed to be laughing all the time when he was around. They were as close as father and daughter and that was the very reason why he was so nervous and why he felt the throbbing pain in his chest with every beat of his heart. It felt like if his absence had left a void in Mae’s heart like it had in Felicity’s, then it had already been filled before he had come back. So what if really she didn’t need him or want him in her life anymore? What then?


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next couple of days, Oliver had to come to terms with the fact that baby steps really meant baby steps. You manage to take some little steps on your wobbly legs every once in awhile, but more often than not you get up on your feet just to tumble a step back and fall down on your butt. That was exactly how the progress he made with Mae felt.

Oliver tried to get closer to Mae without overwhelming her. On some days, he was able to make her smile at him, while on other days, she just continued to ignore him. She was still clinging to Felicity and Tommy, or anyone who wasn’t him actually. They all tried to get Mae to be more open with him, but it felt like the more they tried, the more closed off the toddler became. Oliver felt like it was a balancing act, one where every misstep could cause him to fall down and force him to start all over again.

He watched Tommy with Mae, feeling the jealousy of their connection increasing with each day. It was like they had been best friends from the moment she had been born and like it had never been different. Tommy seemed to know everything about Mae. He knew what her murmured words meant when Oliver barely understood anything she said. Mae didn’t even have to say anything. Whatever sound she made, Tommy knew if it meant that she wanted food or attention or if she was tired.

Oliver hated feeling jealous of Tommy, who he knew had only wanted to help, and obviously really had helped, Felicity through the time of crisis. He just couldn’t help wishing that Tommy would retreat a little now that he was back. Instead he was staying at the Queen Manor with them, joking that he was feeling more at home there than at his father’s house. Oliver knew it wasn’t fair to wish Tommy was staying somewhere else, but he kind of did and it only added to the growing knot in the pit of his stomach.

He wondered if things would be different if Tommy wasn’t there. Maybe Mae would be more open to getting to know him if Tommy wasn’t there so often. Oliver wished he could just grab Felicity and Mae and lock their little family in their old apartment in Boston, so they could spend some quality family time together without anyone interrupting. Felicity was still serving her internship at QC, though, which was why they were still staying in Starling City. Family time with just the three of them was being cut short  because there was always someone interrupting, whether it was Thea, Moira, Tommy or even just Raisa, who wanted to bring them some snacks.

It was maddening. At the same time, though, Oliver was afraid of moving back to Boston. If they were back in Boston and things still didn’t change, improve with Mae, who else or what else could he blame then?

One night, Oliver was lying awake in bed with Felicity snuggled to his side. her head resting on his chest. His fingertips stroked up and down her spine slowly. He had hoped that he’d fall asleep more easily tonight given that his limbs actually hurt from exhaustion after Thea had dragged him through several stores helping him pick out some new clothes and other items he needed since coming home. Yet here he was again, staring into the darkness in the middle of the night thinking.

He had been back for almost a week now and had been sleeping next to Felicity since his third night back. It hadn’t really helped him to sleep though. He still lied awake in bed for hours before falling to sleep and when he finally slept, he didn’t get much rest. He’d wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares he had.  Felicity woke up with him every time and if it wasn’t for her care, Oliver doubted he would calm down as quickly as he did in her arms. He had offered to move back into the guestroom, knowing that it wasn’t fair to rob her of her sleep just because it helped him to know that she was close. Felicity hadn’t wanted to hear any of that, though. She had told him that they were a team and that she was always there for him, so Oliver had nodded and continued to stay with her.

Oliver watched Felicity sleep. She looked so peaceful. There was the smallest of smiles playing on her lips, one that he knew would only grow wider when she’d wake up and feel his warm body next to hers. He loved watching her sleep and watching her wake up. It never failed to make him smile and give him the feeling of safety.

As many troubles as there seemed to be since he had come back, things between Felicity and him were as good as they could be. It was almost like he had never been away, only that they both appreciated being with each other even more than they had used to. They both knew how quickly everything could end now and that this second chance was a miracle that they shouldn’t take for granted.

Oliver put his hand over Felicity’s hand that rested over his heart. Ducking his head, he pressed his nose to her hair and breathed her in. Smiling, he kissed the crown of Felicity’s head before resting his cheek there and closing his eyes.

When Felicity stirred in her sleep, slightly stretching her arms and legs, Oliver bit his tongue. He cursed himself quietly for waking her up, knowing that she didn’t get much sleep between taking care of Mae, serving her internship and dealing with his nightmares. She released a low sigh and for a second Oliver thought she had just fallen back to sleep. Felicity kissed his chest through his shirt, though, and turned her head. With her chin resting on his chest, she looked at him. Even in the darkness he could see the tiredness in her face.

“What time is it?” Felicity asked sleepily.

“Almost three.”

Felicity groaned and scooted up the bed a little bit until her head was resting against his shoulder. She leaned her head forward, pressing her forehead against his stubbled chin. Oliver smiled and tightened his arm around her.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Felicity asked.

“No,” Oliver replied with a sigh. “I haven’t slept yet.”

Felicity propped herself up on her forearm, her hand stroking from his chest, and up his neck until it rested against the side of his face. Oliver sighed, leaning into her gentle touch before turning his head and kissing her palm. Felicity smiled, keeping her hand at his cheek while her thumb was slowly tracing the line of his bottom lip.

“Everything alright?” she asked him.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

Oliver looked at the ceiling, unsure how to tell her about his worries. He didn’t want to sound like he was complaining. He had only been back for a couple of days and he knew it would take awhile for things to get to where he wished they were. He needed to give it time, but it was hard doing so when he felt that there was barely any progress at all.

At his continued silence, Felicity moved her hand to his chin and turned his face to her. She looked at him for a long moment before she lowered her head and kissed him gently. Their lips stayed closed, but locked to one another. Oliver sucked at her bottom lip for a moment and when their lips parted, he licked his lips, chasing the taste of her there.

“Talk to me,” Felicity whispered, scratching her nails through his short stubble. “Please.”

“I know it takes time to build a new connection with Mae,” he replied eventually, “and I know that I have to be patient. I am trying to. It’s really hard to do so, though. I feel like I am losing precious time with her.”

Felicity smiled at him sadly, waiting for him to say more. Oliver just sighed, ducking  his head slightly and pressing his nose to the wrist of the hand that was still resting against his cheek, breathing in the scent of her skin.

“I can only imagine how hard it must be,” she whispered. “I wish I could do something to help or-“

“I know you can’t,” Oliver interrupted her, squeezing her fingers. “I have to wait until Mae is ready. I don’t want to overwhelm her. I really just… I just want the chance to be close to her.”

“I know,” Felicity whispered, “and I know you really don’t want to hear it because it doesn’t help-“

“-but it takes time,” Oliver finished.

“I wish I could say or do something more.”

“I know,” Oliver repeated. “I just have to be patient.”

Felicity shrugged her shoulders. “I guess.”

Oliver sighed. He knew it was the truth and there really wasn’t much else that Felicity could say. As much as he wished that it was different, he knew there was nothing anyone could do about it. As much as they tried to show Mae that Oliver was part of the family and she could trust him, Mae needed to be ready to give him a chance.

Sighing once more, Oliver looked at Felicity. When he saw her biting her bottom lip, he reached out his hand to free it from the maltreatment of her teeth. Felicity looked at him with a hesitant expression in her eyes that made Oliver frown.

“What?” he asked gently.

“Nothing. Nothing I was just-“ When Oliver perked up his eyebrows, wordlessly telling her that he kind of knew that something was going on, Felicity stopped and sighed. “I don’t want to rub salt in the wound.”

“But?”

“If you had come back only two months earlier it would have been so much easier,” Felicity replied in a whisper that was so quiet that he could barely hear it. Yet the heaviness of her words filled the room. It didn’t go unnoticed by Felicity as she quickly explained, “I know that you couldn’t have come home sooner, but two months ago it was so much easier with her. She was more receptive to new people and not so wary of strangers.”

_ Stranger _ . There it was. The word he hated the most when thinking about how Mae saw him even though he knew that it was true. He couldn’t even object to it because it was so clear that she had no memory of him. Yet thinking or hearing that word hurt nonetheless.

“Not- not that you are a stranger,” Felicity hurried to explain. “You are not a stranger to her. You are her daddy. You are and have always been a part of her life, whether she knows that or not. It’s just like for her, well, for her you might technically be a… well, she doesn’t have any real memory of you and she isn’t old enough to really understand what a daddy is and-“

“It’s okay,” Oliver interrupted Felicity, kissing her forehead. “You are right. I am a stranger to her and that is why she is wary of me.”

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered.

He shook his head, giving her what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Don’t worry about it. It will just take time and… and I will give it time,” he explained. He could see that Felicity wanted to say something, but he quickly stated, “Come on, let’s go back to sleep.”

He kissed her forehead once more and rolled onto his side, snuggling closer to Felicity. He rested his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes. Felicity’s hand stroked over his chest like she was trying to take away the tension in his muscles, while her own body felt just as tense in his arms. Though neither of them was saying anything more, Oliver doubted that either of them would get any more sleep that night.

 

 

When Oliver parked the car in the garage, he sighed quietly. Thea had begged him to drive her to her friend’s house for a birthday slumber party. Oliver couldn’t say no, especially since she had burst into tears during dinner the previously night after Raisa had mentioned how much Oliver took after their dad. He had felt terrible for his little sister and felt the least he could do was drop her off at her friend’s house, knowing his dad would have agreed to drive her in a heartbeat if she had asked him.

Unfortunately, as soon as he had dropped Thea’s bedding in her friend’s living room, said friend’s mother had come downstairs. Oliver had remembered her from the few times he had met her when he was younger since she had been friends with their mother. She had asked him dozens of questions, obviously not realizing how uncomfortable they had made him feel. It had taken almost half an hour before he had been able to sneak out.

Oliver turned off the engine and closed his eyes for a moment, releasing a long breath. He knew that people were nosy about what had happened. The media was making up stories, reporters following him around trying to take a photo of him. It was why Oliver spent most of his time in the mansion or the garden. Besides, running into his mom’s old friend had also proved Oliver’s fear that meeting people would only lead to questions about what had happened in the year he had been away. That was something Oliver just wasn’t ready for yet.

Taking in a deep breath, he got out of the car. As he was turning to the garage door something further in the back caught his eye. He pushed his keys into the pocket of his leather jacket as he strolled over to the corner where his motorcycle was sitting. Smiling, he moved his fingertips over the handlebars.

It had been a while since he had last taken a ride. He had stopped riding his motorcycle once Mae had been born, feeling as a responsible father maybe it was better to quit this one hobby. Seeing the motorcycle now, he realized how much he had actually missed a short, high speed ride through the city.

“Maybe one day,” Oliver whispered to himself with a quiet sigh.

As he was leaving the garage, he thought that maybe he could use the sunny weather today to take a walk in the garden. With Thea spending time with her friend and his mother spending at QC for whatever reason, maybe he’d  finally have some time alone to spend with his girls.

As soon as Oliver stepped into the front room, he bit his tongue and suppressed an almost annoyed sigh at the sound of his best friend’s voice.

“Can you give me a banana?” Oliver heard Tommy asked. “I think Tommy wants a banana.”

Oliver took in a deep breath, reminding himself that his friend had been a great help for Felicity and Mae while he had been away. Besides, Tommy had always had a home here given the fact that his own father had been absent a lot since Tommy’s mother had been murdered. Tommy was his brother and it was a good thing he was here. Oliver just needed to stop blaming him for how his relationship with Mae was.

“Hey,” Oliver said, stepping into the living room with a smile.

“Hi,” Tommy replied, taking the banana Mae was holding out for him. Before he asked her, “Can you give your daddy a banana, too? I think he wants a banana.”

Mae held onto Tommy’s knee while she was turned her head to look, shyly, over her shoulder at Oliver. She went over to the table with the fruits, took one of the bananas and slowly approached Oliver. He crouched down, making himself smaller, to look less intimidating to her. Mae was looking at him intently with her big, blue eyes, holding the banana in front of herself like a shield. Oliver gave her an encouraging smile and slowly Mae held out the banana to him.

“Thank you so much,” Oliver said when she dropped it into his hand, making sure she didn’t touch him.

Quickly she ran back to Tommy. She stood next to him, her hands on his legs. She cocked her head, smiling at Oliver behind her pacifier. Her cheeks reddened and Oliver felt like Mae had never looked more like Felicity than in this moment.

“It’s a good thing you are back,” Tommy said to Oliver, breaking the silence, “because I was wondering if maybe you’d like to do something together. You know, we could just drive around together or… I don’t know, just hang out.”

“I was actually thinking about staying home and spending some time with Mae and Felicity,” Oliver explained. “I am not that much into going out at the moment.”

“Not even with your best friend?” Tommy asked.

Oliver hesitated before he answered, “It’s not about you. I just… I am just not up for meeting people right now or going anywhere the press could be.”

“Yeah, Felicity told me they were following you when you went shopping with Thea,” Tommy replied and helped Mae climb onto his lap. “I guess now it’s not your family, but your own story that makes you so interesting to them.”

“I’d rather be less interesting for them,” Oliver mumbled.

Tommy shot him an apologizing look and Oliver sighed, shrugging his shoulders. If there was one thing that really wasn’t Tommy’s fault, it was the media’s interest in Oliver’s story. Starling City’s citizen back from the dead a year after being shipwrecked was just too big of a story to let go of easily.

“So no time to spend with your best friend?”

“Not today,” Oliver replied, shaking his head.

“Okay, then some other day?” Tommy asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

Oliver nodded. “Yes, of course. Some other day.”

“I’d suggest we spend some time together after you are officially brought back from the dead next week, but I guess your mother already invited everyone for dinner?”

“If she didn’t, then she will do so soon, I guess,” Oliver replied with a sigh. “I’ll just be glad when that is done.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Tommy replied, nodding slowly before he got up. “I gotta go. Since you are leaving me in the lurch, I need to make sure Laurel hasn’t made  any other plans. While you spend time with your girls, I’m going to spend time with mine.”

Tommy kissed Mae’s cheek and sat her down on Oliver’s thighs. Before Oliver had the chance to wrap his arms around her and hold her to him, the toddler was already sliding off his lap. Without looking back, she hurried to her Lego bricks in the corner of the room.

“See you later,” Tommy said.

“Yeah, see you,” Oliver replied, not taking his eyes off Mae.

He waited until he heard the door falling shut behind Tommy before taking a deep breath and strolling over to Mae. He sat down next to her cross-legged, taking one of the bricks and handing it to her.

“You like playing with this, don’t you?”

Mae didn’t reply, or give him any of her attention. She just continued building forms with the bricks. Oliver pulled the box of Legos closer, handing her one after another so that she could add to the tower. Oliver smiled, watching her without saying a word. Maybe this was their baby step for the day.

They had been playing quietly for a couple of minutes when Raisa entered the room with some flowers. She was smiling at him warmly, heading right for the vase on the mantel and took the old ones out before replacing them with the new bouquet. As she was doing so, she watched as Oliver and Mae played together.

When she was about to leave the room, Mae quickly dropped her bricks and ran towards Raisa, asking her something that Oliver didn’t understand.

“What does your mama say about the binky when you are speaking?” Raisa asked with the same soft voice that she had talked to Oliver and Thea with when they had been younger.

Immediately Mae took her pacifier from her lips and asked, “Mae cookie?”

“You want a cookie?”

“Make cookie.”

“You want to bake cookies?” Raisa asked.

Mae nodded. “Mae make cookies.”

“But you are playing with Mr. Oliver. You have been playing with your daddy.”

Mae shot a look in Oliver’s direction before she looked back at Raisa again, once more repeating, “Mae make cookies.”

Raisa looked at Oliver, seeking his permission and he shrugged his shoulders in response. Raisa smiled at Mae before holding out her hand for Mae. Immediately she put her smaller hand into Raisa’s and the older woman smiled.

“Come on, Ms. Madeleine,” she said gently. “Let’s go bake some cookies.”

Mae let Raisa lead her out of the living room. Just when they had stepped out of the room, Mae let go of Raisa’s hand and came running back into the living room to grab the pink octopus from the side table before scurrying back to Raisa. Oliver smiled. Mae really loved that pink octopus and it never failed to warm his heart.

He put the Lego bricks away before he got up and set out to find Felicity. She had just come back from Queen Consolidated when he had left to take Thea to her friend’s. As he stepped into the hallway, he heard Felicity humming a song he didn’t recognize.

He tiptoed towards their bedroom and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Felicity didn’t notice him since as she was so engrossed in a book she was reading. It gave Oliver the opportunity to just watch her, so that was what he did. Felicity was lying on her stomach, her eyes quickly following the lines in the book. She was swinging her feet back and forth in rhythm with the song she was humming, alternating between flexing and stretching her toes at the same time.

Oliver smiled. Seeing her lying there like that reminded him of the time when they had still been in high school and they had kept their relationship a secret. When they had spent afternoons together, they had often driven out of town to some quiet place where nobody would see them. They had made themselves comfortable on a picnic blanket and studied or sometimes made out.

When Felicity looked up. she smiled at him, cocking her head. She pointed the red pen she had been chewing on at his face, asking, “What’s that smile about?”

“First I had a great moment with our daughter,” Oliver replied happily, “and then I came to find you and see you like this. It’s bringing back all the memories of our afternoons spent together  back in high school.”

Felicity smiled at him for a long moment before she whispered, “I don’t think I have seen you with a smile like this since you came back.”

Oliver pushed his hands into the pocket of his pants and shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry?”

“I didn’t mean it as a reproach,” Felicity replied gently. “I am just happy that you have something that makes you smile.”

“Mae and I built a wall with Lego bricks. I gave her the bricks and she put them together. She didn’t talk to me or look at me, but we did sit side by side for at least ten minutes and worked on the wall together. I consider that a win,” Oliver explained. “She did leave me for cookies, though.”

Felicity chuckled. “Nobody competes with cookies.”

“She did run back to get the pink octopus.”

“Of course she did,” Felicity replied, her smile widening. “I told you she loves that octopus more than anything else. She would never leave it out of sight for long.”

Oliver took in a deep breath and smiled. “It was just a good feeling.”

“I guess so,” Felicity said.

She closed her book and pushed it off the bed. She made a come-here movement with her index finger and Oliver didn’t have to be told twice. He closed the door behind him and approached the bed. Felicity rolled onto her back, so they were chest to chest when Oliver crawled onto the mattress and moved to hover over her. His knees rested between her spread legs as he was propped up by his forearms.

For a long moment, they just looked at each other, neither of them saying a word. Oliver played with a strand of Felicity’s hair, twirling it around his forefinger playfully. Felicity’s hands moved up and down his back over slowly.

Smiling, Oliver lowered his head at the same time that Felicity lifted her head from the pillow. Their lips met halfway in a gentle kiss. Oliver sucked at her bottom lip before his tongue darted out to trace the seam between her lips. Sighing, Felicity opened up to him and their tongues met in a slow dance. Oliver moved his hand from her shoulder down the side of her body to the outside of her thigh.

Felicity wrapped her legs around his hips and Oliver couldn’t stop himself from pressing himself against hers. It elicited a low moan from both of them. Felicity pressed her right thigh against the outside of his left one causing Oliver to roll them over. Their lips stayed locked as Felicity was straddling him before she sat up, keeping her hands on his shoulders to keep him down.

Oliver groaned lowly when their lips parted. He opened his eyes, about to complain that it had been far too long, since the last time they had been together, for her to tease him like that when he saw the hesitant expression on her face. Her bottom lip was caught between her front teeth and she had her head cocked slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Oliver asked, placing his hand on her thigh. “Too soon?”

“Too soon. Yeah,” Felicity said sarcastically before she chuckled and rolled her eyes. “No way.”

Oliver chuckled for a moment. They hadn’t had sex since he had come back. They had made out a little, every once in awhile, when there had been time, but it had never led to more. There had just never been time or never been the right time at least. Having Felicity straddle his lap now, though, reminded him of how much he had missed being with her like that.

When he saw tears welling in her eyes he sat up quickly and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed both of her cheek, kissing the tears away that fell from her eyes, before he leaned back enough to look at her face. He gently combed his fingers through her hair.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, this,” Felicity replied, pointing at her face. “This is wrong.”

Oliver frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I, uhm,” Felicity started, taking in a deep breath and swallowing hard while Oliver wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I stopped to warn you that I might start crying when we have sex and I wanted to ask you to just ignore it because I am not crying because I am sad or because I want to stop. I would just be crying from pure joy like I am right now and- and I know I am completely ruining the mood with this, but I can’t stop crying because I am so happy you are back and-“

When she took in a sniffling breath, Oliver quickly straightened up and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her fiercely, all tongue and teeth. Felicity grabbed a handful of his hair, bending his head back to reciprocate and to give him as good as she got. Oliver could feel her hips moving on top of his almost furiously, rubbing against him. Oliver could feel that Felicity wanted this and that she had meant every word of what she had told him. She wasn’t crying because she didn’t want this. She was crying because she wants this so much, had wanted this as much as he had wanted it.

He took hold of the hem of her shirt and pulled it up her body until it was tugged under her chin. They broke the kiss just long enough for him to peel the shirt off and drop it to the floor. His hands started rediscovering the exposed skin. She felt soft and warm under his slightly calloused fingertips.

When their lips met again, the kiss slowed down a little. It wasn’t long until his lips traveled down the side of her neck, kissing and licking her tender skin. Felicity elicited a low moan when Oliver sucked at her pulse point. The sound made his stomach flutter, so he did it again and again, burning the sound into his memory.

Felicity started tugging at his shirt, dragging it up his chest. Oliver pulled back a little to and he lifted his arms, so she could take it off. Immediately their lips met in another kiss. Felicity’s hands stroked from his hair and down his neck to his shoulders before finally reaching his chest.

He could feel the moment she stiffened above him and Oliver tensed in response to that immediately. He pulled back, his hands at her hips, frowning.

“What’s wrong?” he asked for the third time since they had started this.

Felicity looked down at his chest and her fingers touched his right shoulder and the left side of his abs. He didn’t have to look down to know exactly what she was seeing. He knew she was seeing the scars the year away had left on him. As often as he had looked in the mirror, he still felt like he was stuck in a stranger’s body.

When Felicity looked back at his face, Oliver could see the shock in her eyes. Her fingers were hovering in the air, several inches away from his body like she was afraid to touch him. Her lips moved, trying to say anything, but no sound came out.

Oliver felt his chest starting to burn with emotions he couldn’t name at being looked at by her like that. Oliver hated the scars on his bodies. He was ashamed of them. He wished they would just disappear and take with them the memories of the events that caused them.

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered eventually. “What-“

She stopped, her gaze lowering back to his chest. Oliver could almost see the different emotions – shock, sadness, anger, doubt – flickering over her face. Her fingers moved, but she still wasn’t touching him.

“Your mom, she- she told me that you must have been through something terrible. She told me about scars and fractures that never properly healed, but this- this doesn’t look like it’s from- like it’s from a shipwreck. This looks- it almost looks like a shot wound or something,” Felicity whispered, looking at the scar on his shoulder before she lowered her gaze to the one right over his abs. “And this one… what was that?”

Oliver felt his heart racing in his chest. It was pounding against his ribs so firmly, he was afraid that they would break. He pressed his lips together, watching every change in Felicity’s eyes. When her eyes met his again, he held his breath.

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered his name once again, looking at him intently. “What happened to you on that island?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oliver-“

He put his hands to her hips and pushed her off his lap. Without looking at her again, unable to endure the way she looked at him, Oliver got up. He grabbed his shirt and was already on his way to the door.

“Oliver, where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” Oliver replied, not looking back. He reached out his hand for the door handle, but he hesitated. Felicity had been living in the belief that he was dead for a year. If he just disappeared like that, he felt it would be opening wounds that hadn’t had the chance to properly heal yet. Keeping his eyes on his hand grasping the door handle now, he explained, “I don’t know where I am going yet. I just need to get out of here. I don’t know when I will be back. I don’t think it will take too long, though.”

“Oliver-“

“I- I can’t talk about it,” Oliver interrupted her. “Not yet.”

There was a long moment of silence. Oliver was still standing there with the door handle in his hand. He needed to get out of there. He couldn’t breathe in here right now. Oliver felt the need to leave right now, but he just couldn’t go before Felicity told him it was okay. He couldn’t leave her alone like that. That was why he was just waiting at the door, hoping she would say something, whatever it was, that would tell him that he could go and that it was okay if he left now.

Felicity seemed to sense his struggle as she eventually whispered, “I will be waiting for you to come back.”

As soon as the last syllable had fallen from her lips, Oliver left. He was too overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotions storming through his chest to even realize what he was doing. One moment he had stepped out of the bedroom, the next he was already on the back of his motorcycle, racing down the driveway, and away from the mansion to the street.

Oliver had been hesitant about being intimate with Felicity. He had told himself that it had been because there had been no reason to rush things. Only now he realized that maybe he had been holding back from that because he had been scared of her reaction to seeing him. Oliver hated his own body, so how could he expect Felicity to love it or even overlook the scars that covered it?

Seeing the shock in her face hurt more than he had expected, though. Felicity was the love of his life. She was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The fear that maybe she was going to reject the scars on his body as much as Oliver himself rejected them hurt much more than he had thought it would.

Back in high school, after they had had their first time and before Felicity had gotten pregnant, sex had been a really important thing for them. If it hadn’t been, they probably would have never had Mae and both of their lives as well as their entire relationship would have gone differently. They had been teenagers that had been madly in love and absolutely crazy for each other, though. That was why they had had a lot of sex once Felicity had been ready, and why it had ended in Felicity being pregnant with Mae. It had been crazy back then, but it had been the start of their real life together.

So far Oliver had felt like things between him and Felicity had almost been like they had been before the island. The emotional connection was still there, maybe even stronger than before. Now he wondered if maybe the scars on his body would change things between them. He didn’t want her to think that he was damaged. He was damaged, of course, at least in some way, but he didn’t want Felicity to see him like that.

What if she did, though? What if she thought he was damaged and no good for her or Mae? What if she decided that they were better off without him? What if she left him and he didn’t have anyone anymore? Mae didn’t look at him anyway. Tommy, who used to be his best friend, felt like a completely different person who was more attached to Mae than to him. If Felicity would leave him too…

Oliver increased the speed of the motorcycle even more. Felicity and Mae had been the reason why he hadn’t only wanted, but why he had needed, to come back home. Almost every single one of his thoughts on the island had revolved around them. He just couldn’t lose them.

It wasn’t until the police car passed him and pulled over right in front of him that Oliver realized that he was going way too fast. He quickly let up on the gas until the motorcycle was finally coming to a stop right behind the police car. Oliver turned off the engine as he took off his helmet,  readying himself to talk the officer out of giving him a  ticket when Quentin got out of the car. Oliver released a relieved breath.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were still patrolling. Shouldn’t the Captain of the police sit behind his desk and… twiddle his thumbs?” Oliver asked with a halfhearted chuckle, but quickly turned serious when Quentin only perked up his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. I know I was going way too fast.”

Quentin huffed a short laugh. “Way too fast is one way to put it, racing down the street like you are on a suicide mission is another.”

Oliver held Quentin’s gaze for a short moment before he lowered his gaze. “Sorry.”

“Everything alright with you?” Quentin asked with soft voice.

“I am just-“ Oliver shook his head and looked at Quentin, shrugging his shoulders. “I didn’t expect it to be so hard being back.”

Quentin nodded slowly, not saying a word. He just continued to look at him. Two years ago, Oliver would have felt intimidated by the way he looked at him. He and Quentin hadn’t had the best start given that the Police Captain had only learned about Oliver dating his step-daughter after Felicity had become pregnant and Oliver had punched a guy in school. They had learned to get along just like everyone in Felicity’s and his family had learned to to do so.

“I always knew that it would be difficult to get back to some normality with Mae,” Oliver added eventually. “I just thought, especially after the past few days here, that at least Felicity and I could just continue where we had left off. I thought we could just continue like nothing had happened, but maybe we can’t. Maybe I have changed too much.”

Oliver looked at Quentin hesitantly, trying to read the reaction on his face, but Quentin didn’t so much as blink. He just continued looking at Oliver for a long moment.

“I don’t doubt that the past year has changed you, but I can guarantee to you that Felicity changed, too,” Quentin said after a while. “We have all been worried about her, you know. After it became official that you and your father died, Felicity was devastated. She pushed herself to get through it, but she loved you so much that losing you was almost unbearable to her. Your supposed death changed her, maybe even more than she lets on.”

Oliver lowered his gaze, nodding slowly. It was basically what Laurel had told him. Felicity had suffered after losing him. Of course that changed her.

“I am just worried that maybe-“ Oliver stopped and sighed, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t even know what I am worried about.”

Quentin chuckled and clapped his shoulder. “I know that Felicity would probably worry if she knew that you are racing through the city on that motorcycle and risking your life, especially since you just got it back.”

Oliver pressed his lips together. “Right. I will slow down.”

“You better,” Quentin agreed. “I doubt Felicity would survive losing you again.”

Oliver nodded, knowing that Quentin was probably right. The Police Captain shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hand to say goodbye, already walking backwards to his cruiser.

“Don’t you want to ticket me?” Oliver asked.

Quentin chuckled. “We both know you’d hand the ticket over to your mother and your family’s fortune would pay for it. But if I catch you again, I am going to call my step-daughter. I am sure she has some things to say about that and from one man with a Smoak-girlfriend to another, there is no speeding fine in the world expensive enough to equal the punishment of the Smoaks’ loud voices.”

Oliver grinned, mumbling to himself, “Yeah, I know.”

Once Quentin drove away, Oliver released a breath and pulled his phone out of the pocket to text Felicity.

**O:** Sorry for just walking out like that. I need to clear my head a little. I am going for a run on my motorcycle along the coast road. I probably won’t be back for dinner. Don’t wait for me tonight and don’t worry. I love you.

He reread the message several times before he pressed ‘send’. Knowing Felicity, he didn’t doubt that her phone was right in her reach, so he waited for her to text him back. It didn’t take long for her to answer.

**F:** I love you, too. Just promise me you’ll be careful.

Oliver smiled.

**O:** I promise.  <3

He pushed his phone back into the pocket, put on the helmet and continued on his way, making sure he stayed safely within the speed limit.

 

 

When Felicity saw the single light of his motorcycle disappearing in the garage, she released a breath of relief. putting her hand on her chest right over her heart. Despite Oliver’s message that he’d be careful and his reassurance that she shouldn’t worry, Felicity had worried a lot since he had left. She had been pacing back and forth across their room. since she had put Mae to bed two hours ago, as she waited for him to come back.

Sighing, Felicity sat down on the edge of their bed as she suddenly felt exhaustion break over her. She looked back at the fluffy pillows, but quickly shook her head and stood up. She had been waiting for Oliver to come home all night. She wouldn’t allow herself to fall asleep before they talked, even if it was only for a few minutes.

Felicity wrapped her arms around herself protectively and once again started pacing their room as she went through the words she wanted and needed to tell Oliver. Only after a few seconds she stopped. Putting her hands to her head, she squeezed her eyes shut and cursed herself for the umpteenth time.

Moira had told her what the doctor had told her when Oliver had been taken to Starling General after his flight here from Hong Kong. She had known that he had scars and she had thought she would be prepared to see them. When she had felt them under her fingertips, though, she hadn’t been able to get the pictures of what must have happened to Oliver out of her head. She had seen him being tortured and screaming for her to save him like he had done in her nightmares so often.

She hadn’t been able to hide her shock or her pain about knowing that he must have been through some terrible things over the past year. Oliver was closed off since he came back, even more so than he had been before. He had seemed so normal apart from that, though, that Felicity had never imagined how many deeply traumatic the things he went through much have been. She had-

When the door opened, Felicity quickly turned around. She watched Oliver peek into the room and roll his lips into his mouth when he saw her standing in the middle of the room, staring back at him. Neither of them said anything. They just looked at each other until Oliver lowered his gaze and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He stayed at the door, his eyes finding hers again.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time before adding, again in chorus, “You don’t have to apologize.”

They both chuckled and approached each other. Meeting halfway, Felicity wrapped her arms around Oliver’s neck, straightening up on the tips of her toes to get closer to him, while Oliver put his arms around her waist, holding her to him. Felicity felt his nose pressing to the crown of her head as he breathed her in and she smiled against his shoulder as she closed her eyes, letting the warmth of Oliver’s embrace comfort her.

They pulled back enough so they could lock eyes, and again they spoke in chorus, “I am so sorry.”

Chuckling, Oliver leaned his forehead against Felicity’s and she straightened up a little more to give him a chaste kiss. Her hands stroked through the short hair at the nape of his neck before she lowered herself back onto her heels again.

“You go first,” she suggested, rubbing her hands up and down the backs of his upper arms.

Oliver shook his head, though. “You.”

Felicity nodded, taking in a deep breath. “I am sorry for my reaction before. I didn’t- I mean I-“

Felicity stopped and took in a deep breath. Then she straightened back up onto her toes and touched Oliver’s lips with hers. When their lips parted, she stroked her hand from the top of his head, over his hair, and back down his neck. She stayed straightened up on her toes, nuzzling his nose playfully.

“I love you, Oliver,” she said then. “I love you and nothing will ever change that. The scars shocked me because only after seeing them did I really realize what you must have been through. I mean I can only imagine what you have been through because you are not ready to tell me yet and that is okay. I just want you to know that nothing about the way I see you or the way I love you has changed after seeing them and when you are ready to tell me what happened, I will listen for as long as you want me to.”

Felicity saw the tears welling in Oliver’s eyes. He took in a deep breath and turned his gaze to somewhere over her head. His arms tightened around her and Felicity followed the silent request, leaning against him even though she had to bend her neck back even more to still be able to look into his face.

“I can’t talk about this yet,” Oliver whispered.

Felicity nodded. “I know. Like I said, I will wait.”

Oliver smiled sadly and pecked her lips, resting his forehead against hers. Eventually he whispered, “I am sorry I left. I was… scared… that you would see me differently… like I am damaged. I love you so much and I couldn’t bear it if you looked at me like that. I just-“

Oliver looked at her almost helplessly, like he couldn’t say the words he felt he needed to say. Felicity only nodded, understanding without words what he meant. The past year had changed both of them, but she felt they were changes the other could not only accept but actually respect and it wouldn’t change their feelings for each other.

“I love you,” Felicity assured him once more, “no matter what.”

Oliver smiled, releasing a low breath. “I love you, too.”

Felicity kissed Oliver once more, longer this time. She traced his bottom lip with her tongue and grazed it with her teeth. Oliver groaned, lifting Felicity off her feet. He sat down on the edge of the bed as Felicity straddled his lap. Their lips parted and he looked at her with a soft smile.

“I know it’s been awhile since either of us has had… sex,” he said after a moment and grinned halfheartedly, “because believe it or not there were no hot nymphs on the island.”

Felicity swallowed, lowering her gaze. She felt a tight knot in the pit of her stomach and bit down on her bottom lip. When Oliver swiped his thumb over her lip, freeing it from between her teeth, she looked up to find him frowning at her with his head cocked slightly.

“I know you are trying to lighten the mood, but…” Felicity sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. “After you went missing, the memories of all these jokes we made about you being shipwrecked just made it worse. I can’t explain it, but…”

Oliver nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know what you mean. No more jokes about the Odyssey.”

“Thank you,” Felicity whispered.

“What I was actually about to say is,” Oliver said, rubbing his hands up and down her thighs, “that maybe we should take a little more time before we take the next step. It’s not because I don’t want you or anything like that. I just… I don’t know… I think maybe we should take a little more time. I think I need a little more time to get used to my own body. I want to feel comfortable in my skin before we do anything. If that is okay.”

Felicity smiled. “Of course it is.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, both smiling quietly. Oliver was just straightening up a little to kiss her when a yawn broke out across Felicity’s face. Oliver chuckled, kissing the underside of her jaw instead.

“Come on, it’s time for bed.”

Felicity hummed contently. “Time for bed sounds great.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sweat was running down Oliver’s face, dripping from his eyebrows into his eyes, making it difficult to see. The muscles in his neck, shoulders and arms were so strained that they hurt. Oliver was sure that he wouldn’t be able to move them tonight if he continued like this, but he was unable to stop. He worked the punching pad relentlessly, hitting it over and over again with his fists, pretending it was his face rather than a pad.

When Felicity had told him that she needed to go to Boston for another weekend to work on some final changes on a semester project with Curtis and had asked him to go with her, Oliver had put a lot of hope into that. He had hoped that spending time in Boston, where Mae was really home, was going to help them get closer to how they used to be. So far she was giving him shy smiles or letting him play with her as long as he didn’t touch or talk to her too much. She still ignored him most of the time though, especially when there were other people around to have fun with.

His hope had only lasted until the evening before they left for Boston when he found out that it wasn’t only Felicity and him going to Boston. Laurel and Tommy had joined them as well, and since they were all living together in a really nice and comfy apartment Oliver’s time alone with his two girls had been cut short. Laurel and/or  Tommy were always there.

Lost was the hope of spending more one-on-one time with Mae and back was the family dynamic between Tommy, Felicity and Mae. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had enough of that in Starling City already. It had even started on the flight to Boston when Mae had asked again and again if Tommy could sit next to her. Felicity had declined consistently, even ignoring the temper tantrum Mae had thrown at the airport. Oliver had offered to just sit next to Laurel, but Felicity had told him that there was no need to and Mae had to learn that she couldn’t always have what she wanted. He had almost felt sorry for Mae, even when she had calmed down quickly. He was happy that he had at least been able to sit next to her during the entire flight.

Oliver was trying to be grateful for Tommy’s help and he was trying to accept that Mae loved him and still needed her time to feel comfortable around him before they could work on deepening their relationship. He was really trying, but three weeks after coming back he was no closer than he was on day 1 and his hope started to fade. 

Today was definitely a low point. Felicity had needed to leave early, but Laurel was supposed to be home when Mae woke up, so she wouldn’t be alone with Oliver. They didn’t want to overwhelm her, after all. When Mae had woken up, crying for her mama, Laurel was nowhere to be found, though. Oliver had tried to calm Mae down and for a while it had worked, but she had only really been happy when Tommy had come back from his morning jog. It hadn’t been a good start to his day.

Even Felicity’s announcement later that day hadn’t been able to cheer him up. Since there had been problems with her project with Curtis, she had to stay a few days longer. Tommy had some more things to do, too, so he would stay in Boston with her until Wednesday. Oliver, Laurel and Mae should head back home Monday, like previously planned. Oliver should be happy that with Felicity and Tommy staying a little longer in Boston he’d have a chance to grow closer with Mae without any interruptions, but he was worried about how Mae would react. His heart broke a little more every time he heard her cry. That was why, in the rare situations that he held Mae and nobody was hurrying to help him calm Mae’s cries, he was voluntarily handing her over into the care of the people she loved more than him which essentially was everyone else. He was just so afraid of doing something wrong.

Oliver gave the punching pad a particular hard clip and quickly ducked away under John’s arm when he was trying to hit him back before he once again hit his fists against the pads hard. He ignored John’s words that it was enough for the moment and continued hitting with his right, then left, right, right and finally left again. He was just about to repeat the rhythm again when John ducked away under his fist and Oliver lost his balance.

He stumbled a few steps on the mat before he caught himself. Panting, he turned around to John and lifted his gloved hands in apology. “Sorry. I was-“

“-a little out of it?” John asked, loosening the hook and loop fastener on the pads and throwing them towards his sports bag. “In all the times we have been going to the gym together, the only time I saw you like this was when you were actually beating yourself up over lying to Felicity about a party. Something you want to talk about?”

Oliver looked at John while he was taking off his boxing gloves. Since Mae had wanted to play with  Andria, and Lyla had decided to take the girls and her little niece to the zoo, Oliver had asked John if he wanted to go to the gym with him. Before the Gambit had gone down, they worked out together often, even after Oliver had joined the college football team he’d still made time to go to the gym with him. John had been the one friend in Boston that Oliver had always been able to go to for advice and to vent about what was bothering or unsettling him. Looking at John now, Oliver knew he could still trust him. He just wasn’t sure if he could actually verbalize what he was feeling.

“Everything is so much different than before I left,” Oliver said eventually and shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eyes on his hands as he unwrapped them.

Once more he realized how his life seemed to be divided into all these  _ before _ s and  _ after _ s now.

Well, it had always been divided like that. There had always been so many  _ before _ s and  _ after _ s, especially since Felicity had come into his life and changed everything. Before he had met Felicity and after he had met Felicity. Before they had discovered she was pregnant and after they had discovered she was pregnant. Before their relationship had become public and after their relationship had become public. Before Mae had been born and after she had been born. Before they had moved to Boston and after they had moved to Boston.

He had always smiled about it because for him it had only showed what impact Felicity had always had on his life. Whatever milestones their relationship had reached, it had divided his life in another  _ before _ and  _ after _ .

Now he felt like his life was only divided by one  _ before _ and  _ after _ . There was the time before the Gambit had gone down, the time when he had been happy and his life had been normal. It was the time he wanted to go back to. Then there was the time after he had been found and taken back to Starling which was the time he was still living in and wanted to escape but didn’t know how to. Finally, there was the time in between those two moments, the time he tried to erase from his memory.

Oliver sighed, moving his hand over his scalp, his fingers pressing against the skin almost violently. He would like to scratch off his scalp, reach into his head and rip out the painful memories and stupid doubts and fears of the last year. He knew he couldn’t, though.

“Well, it’s been a year, so I guess it’s only natural that some things changed.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Oliver said, putting on a tight smile. “I guess I just have to get used to it and-“

“Maybe if you just say clearly what has changed so much that you are working the punching pads like your life depended on it, it would be a first step to finding either a way to deal with the changes or a possibility to change things in a way that you feel comfortable with,” John said with a calm voice. “I am your friend, yet not that involved in your life that whatever could bother you so much could be connected to me, so feel free to vent your spleen. I can listen.”

John steadied his stance, straightening his shoulders almost like he was readying himself for Oliver to get rid of his frustration by not only telling him about it but beating the words into his body. Oliver felt his hand forming to a fist while his rage at thinking about everything that bothered him increased in his chest. When he took in a deep breath to eventually verbalize his thoughts, he didn’t strike. Instead his shoulders slumped and most of the tension left his body.

“I’m having trouble rebuilding my relationship with Mae,” Oliver started, feeling his chest tighten as the words left his mouth. “I’ve been back for a month now and while we’ve spent a great deal of time together, I still feel like we are miles away from where we had been before I left. We are nowhere near close to having a father-daughter-relationship. It came so naturally when she was born. I didn’t even have to try much because she just loved me so much. Now I consider it a  win if she smiles at me or if she lets me play with her. She never talks to me. She never comes to me for anything. She always goes to Felicity or my mom or Laurel or… Tommy.”

He said his best friend’s name with so much bitterness that Oliver felt shame for being so ungrateful. Squeezing his eyes shut, he turned away from John for a moment. Rubbing his hands over his face, Oliver took a few deep breaths. Eventually, he turned back around to face his friend again.

“I am grateful that Tommy was there to help Felicity and I am happy that he is getting along with Mae. Before everything with the Gambit happened, that had always been what I wanted. Tommy has basically been my best friend since always, so I know that it’s great to have him in my life and I am happy that Felicity and Mae have him in their lives too. I know that Felicity has been able to stay at MIT because Tommy was there to help her. That’s definitely one reason and I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful ass or-“

“Just spit it out, Oliver.”

“He stole my place in Mae’s life!” Oliver yelled. “When Felicity forbids her something, Mae goes to Tommy for comfort. When she has a problem, she goes to Tommy for help. When she wants something, she asks Tommy. No matter what it is, she goes to Felicity or Tommy for it. It’s like the three of them are a family and  while I know they aren’t, at least not like that, it still feels like Tommy stole my place in her life because I should be the one she goes to for comfort or help. Felicity and I are her parents, not Felicity and Tommy.”

Oliver took in a deep breath, calming the rage that was storming inside of him. He closed his eyes for a moment before he looked back at John. His friend still wasn’t saying a word. He seemed to be patiently waiting for Oliver’s outburst to be over.

Much calmer now, Oliver continued, “I know that Tommy was a great help while I was away, but I am back now. I am ready to take back my place and I know that I need to learn a lot more and actually earn it with Mae. I need to win back Mae’s trust and I have to work to have a good relationship with her. I know all that. I just think it would be a lot easier to do so if Tommy wasn’t there all the time. Mae feels like I’m just a bystander or whatever. I… I am Mae’s dad, not Tommy.”

He said the last words firmly but also in a way that sounded like he needed to convince himself of it. Felicity’s father had left early and she had found a new father in Quentin. She was even calling him ‘dad’ sometimes. Oliver knew that blood and DNA didn’t make a family. It was love and affection that did so. Felicity had lost one father, but she had gained a new one, a much better one even.

Of course, the circumstances for Mae and him were very different because Oliver hadn’t just left. He had been ripped out of her life and kept apart from her against his will. He was also trying to get back into her life because he loved her and he had never stopped loving her. Oliver thanked God that Mae didn’t refer to Tommy as ‘Dada’. Oliver didn’t even want to think about what a punch in the gut that would feel like. ‘Dada’ had been Mae’s first word and Oliver would never forget the first time she had said it, looking at him.

“Did you talk to Felicity about any of this?” John askd.

“Kind of,” Oliver replied. When John perked up his eyebrows, Oliver sighed. “Not really, at least not like that.”

“Then what exactly have you told her?”

“That I know I need to be patient when it comes to my relationship with Mae, but that I struggle with staying patient from time to time,” Oliver explained. “I didn’t- I couldn’t tell her about how I feel about Tommy. I… asked about whether we would stay with Laurel and Tommy when we move back to Boston, but she only said we didn’t have to decide that right now and I- I didn’t want to insist on making a decision right there and then or tell her that it bothered me that we weren’t going back to the life of just the three of us, so…”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. As much as he wanted a clear plan of how their life would go on when the semester would start again and they would go back to having a routine, he feared the answers he might get. What if Felicity wanted to continue living with Tommy and Laurel instead of going back to the way things used to be with just the three of them, their family with Mae, living together? What if things were never went back to the way they were?

“And what does she say about your relationship with Mae?”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “She is trying really hard to make Mae feel comfortable around me. It’s easier with her when Felicity is around, but it’s still far from the way it used to be. And as soon as Felicity leaves, it’s like starting from zero with Mae. Felicity really is doing everything she can. If she tried more, Mae would only feel pushed. I also know it’s not just me Mae doesn’t feel comfortable around. A couple of days ago she was in the front room when the postman was at the door. He just smiled at her and said hello and she broke into tears and didn’t calm down until Felicity came back. Mae was always a little wary of people she didn’t know well, but I have never seen her like that.”

John nodded slowly. “Mae isn’t old enough to remember anything from before and she is definitely too young to understand what is going on now or what happened a year ago. I do think there is a lot about the infant’s psyche that we don’t really know yet, though. There was a part of Mae that did know something huge had happened when you were gone. She was crying a lot. Her development slowed down in some areas. She didn’t talk much, didn’t try to walk much. It took a few months before it got better. Tommy was a fundamental part of helping  put Felicity’s and Mae’s life back together.”

Oliver lowered his gaze, feeling the knot in his stomach starting to grow. Tommy had been an immense help. He heard it from everyone he talked to and it never failed to make him feel more guilty.

“I know. Tommy has been great. He is a part of their life now and I-“

“I am not saying that to make you feel as if you have no right to your feelings,” John interrupted him, “because you do have a right to your feelings. It doesn’t matter if it is rational or right to feel the way you feel, you have a right to your feelings. I am telling you about this because I think that Mae’s behavior, being so very wary of people she isn’t as familiar with as with her family and the way she is clinging to Felicity and Tommy so much, comes from a deeply rooted trauma. She might not understand what happened, but I think she did in some way know or feel, or whatever you want to to call it, that she had lost someone. It’s because of that  that she can’t let go of the people closest to her now and she can’t let new people into her life.”

Oliver held John’s gaze, mulling over his friend’s words carefully. Felicity had told him that Mae had been whining a lot. Until now Oliver hadn’t really understood how much Mae might have been affected by what had happened to him on a deeper emotional level, though.

“So you are saying I need to be more considerate in regard to Mae’s needs?” Oliver asked.

“No,” John replied, shaking his head. “I just want you to understand why Mae might be having trouble with letting someone new into her life like that, even a month after you came back.”

Oliver nodded, unsure what to say to that. He didn’t feel like there was any advice that could be given for a situation like this and that was actually what he had hoped his friend would offer, advice on what to do.

“That being said,” John added after a moment, “Mae isn’t the only one who was left traumatized by what happened. I could pretend that I didn’t see the scars when we were in the changing rooms, but we both know I did see them. As someone who has served in Afghanistan, I also know that the physical scars rarely ever go as deep as the mental and emotional ones.”

Oliver lowered his gaze, staring at his feet. He bit his tongue and reminded himself to take deep breaths. Everything that had happened from the last night on the boat to the moment he had been taken to Hong Kong still felt like a huge taboo. It was not something he wanted to talk or even think about. He avoided answering questions about it,  no matter who asked. His family and friends had a right to know about it. His family had a right to know how his father had died and they deserved to know more than what the media knew or what he had told the judge in court when he had been officially brought back to life. He just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready for it.

“I can’t talk about it,” Oliver whispered.

“Not even with Felicity?” John asked.

Not even with Felicity, the person who loved him the most and who would let him tell the story without interrupting or asking questions and who, without any doubt, wouldn’t hold anything he told  her against him. Not even her. Oliver shook his head, still not looking up.

“I know you think you can deal with it on your own,” John said quietly. “When I came back from Afghanistan, I thought I could deal with it on my own, too. The truth is that there are a few things that people just can deal with alone which is why maybe the best thing you can do for now is find help. Maybe therapy will help you open up about what happened to you and come to terms with the past. You have to work through what happened to you before you can really move forward and you have to heal yourself before you can help heal Mae.”

Oliver couldn’t look at John. He could hear the concern and the sincerity in his friend’s advice. He also knew that there wasn’t anything he had to be embarrassed of because John probably knew best how Oliver must have felt. He had been in war. It wasn’t the same, but it was an experience much closer to what Oliver had been through than most other people could say because what Oliver had been through had felt like war on a lot of levels.

The thought of going to a therapist was not really one that Oliver liked, though. He couldn’t even talk to Felicity, the person he trusted most. How was he going to tell anyone else about what had happened to him?

“And if you are not ready to tell anyone about what has happened to you, then at least tell Felicity what is bothering you and what you need to make it better and together you will find a solution,” John said. “If you are keeping this inside of you, then sooner or later it will either eat you alive or you will explode in the worst possible way. Get it off your chest, Oliver. It’s much healthier than bottling it up inside of you.”

Oliver hunched his shoulders, still keeping his head down and looking at the floor. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him and he didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling, either. He had been given another chance at life. He didn’t want to complain about things that had happened because he wasn’t here, even if it hadn’t been his fault.

“Maybe after Mae’s birthday,” Oliver whispered, barely audible.

Mae’s birthday was next week. He and Felicity had made plans for a little garden party with their families and friends to celebrate on her actual birthday. Oliver had already missed her first birthday, so he wouldn’t let her second birthday pass by without celebrating it properly. That day would be all for her and to celebrate the day she had come into their lives.

Oliver knew that there were things he and Felicity needed to talk about and that they were just procrastinating because they didn’t want to ruin the joy of being back together again. They still hadn’t had sex and they still hadn’t talked about anything that had happened on the island or made any plans about how their life was going to continue. Whenever Oliver had tried to address one of these things, Felicity had changed the subject and vice versa They didn’t want to leave their comfy zone.

“Is there anything I can do for you right now?” John asked.

Oliver shook his head, still not looking up. He just couldn’t bring himself to look his friend in the eye, worried that he could see his pity reflecting back at him.

“I’m going to shower and change. Take your time,” John said, walking past him. “And Oliver? If you ever need an ear and feel there is nobody you can talk to, you can always talk to me.”

Oliver nodded and waited until John had left before he rested his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears.

He didn’t want to think about what had happened to him and how that had changed him. He wanted to pretend that the past year hadn’t happened at all. He knew it was impossible, but in a lot of ways it was what he wanted, to erase the past year from his memory, or even better from existence.

Oliver took in another deep breath. He would think about John’s advice and what to do about it, but really only after Mae’s birthday. He had been longing to celebrate his little girl’s birthday with her for basically two years now since it had been on the list of things he had been most excited about since the day Mae had been born. There was nothing more important than that. Everything else could wait until after. One step at a time and the next step just had to be Mae’s birthday. After that was still he’d figure out what to do.

Slowly releasing the breath he had been holding, Oliver straightened his shoulders and headed to the changing rooms.

 

 

When he arrived at campus, Oliver stopped and sent a short prayer to heaven that for once he’d enjoy the rub of the green. as Walter Steele had called it when he had stopped by the mansion a couple of days ago. Taking in a deep breath Oliver went around the stroller and kneeled next to Mae, smiling at her.

“Hey, Sweetie,” he said with quiet, gentle voice.

Mae pressed the pink octopus to her cheek and leaned her head against it. She was looking at Oliver with her big, blue eyes intently. To Oliver’s relief, there was no fear or rejection in her eyes,  just her waiting to hear what he had to say.

Today seemed to be a good day for them which was why he had decided to take her out for a little walk while Felicity was meeting Curtis and Laurel was at the grocery. Oliver had planned on using the opportunity of being back in Boston again to return something he had borrowed a long time ago. He liked the idea of having Mae with him when he was doing that. He liked to have her with him no matter what he was doing.

When he had picked her up at the Diggles’, after Mae’s trip to the zoo yesterday, she had fallen asleep in his arms. She had been walking with his hand safely wrapped around hers to the staircase before Oliver lifted her into his arms to carry her down the stairs. She had protested at first, obviously not happy that he was carrying her, but the next thing he knew she was sleeping in his arms. 

Oliver knew that the tiredness had been overwhelming her, but it had been the closest he had been to her in a long time, so he had felt happy about it, no matter the circumstances. He had taken his time on the way back to their apartment, enjoying the feeling of Mae’s warm body pressed to his chest.

“Daddy needs to visit someone, but it won’t take long. Is it okay if we do that?” he asked. “Can we do that together? Or does daddy have to take you back home first?”

Mae took her pacifier from her lips and asked, “Mama?”

“Mama is meeting Curtis at her school. We will pick her up right after we are finished here. So do you want to go home to Laurel or do you want to come with me to pick up mommy?”

For a long moment, Mae didn’t say anything and Oliver wondered if maybe she just didn’t want to talk to him or if maybe she didn’t understand what he was saying because Oliver had no idea how much she understood yet. It was something he needed to do some research on.

Eventually, Mae sighed. Then she replied, “Go mama.”

“Okay. Then let’s go return this and then get mama.” Oliver smiled. He was already straightening back up, about to get back behind the stroller to push her into the building of his former and future college when Mae pulled at her lap belt. Oliver frowned. “Do you want to get out and walk?”

Mae nodded. “Out.”

“Okay, then you’ll walk,” Oliver suggested.

He opened the buckle of the seat belt and took Mae out while she was putting her pacifier back into her mouth. She almost put the octopus down in the stroller, but then seemed to change her mind and pressed the stuffed animal to her chest. When he got back behind the stroller, Mae had already took her first step. Oliver stopped her before she could take another step.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he hurried to say  causing Mae to turn and look at him. “There’s a street there. We gotta be careful.”

Mae looked at the busy street before she went to Oliver’s side and reached out a hand for him. Smiling, Oliver took her hand and held it safely in his. They made it across the street and into the school building. Oliver continued to hold Mae’s hand in his loosely, and she didn’t pull away. She kept her hand in his, even moving a little closer to him whenever there was someone coming their way in the hallways.

When they arrived in front of Professor Stein’s office, Oliver parked the stroller next to the door. With Mae’s hand still safely in his, he knocked at the door and took in a deep breath when a familiar warm voice answered, “Come in.”

Oliver opened the door and stuck his head into his former professor’s office. The elderly man looked up from the book he was reading in and smiled.

“Mr. Queen,” he said, closing the book and putting it aside. “What a nice surprise.”

“I hope I am not being inconvenient.”

“No, absolutely not,” Professor Stein said and beckoned for him to come inside. When Oliver opened the door further and stepped in with Mae at his side, the professor’s smile widened. “Oh, and such a lovely companion.”

Oliver chuckled. “Yes, we were out for a walk when I figured it was time I gave this back to you.”

Stepping closer, he put the book on the professor’s desk. Professor Stein beckoned for him to sit down. As he sat, Mae was let go of his hand to look around the office so Oliver adjusted the position of his chair to keep an eye on her.

“We never got the chance to talk about if the book was able to help you with your problem,” Professor Stein said.

“It did,” Oliver replied. _Of all creatures that breathe and move upon the earth, nothing is bred that is weaker than man._ He would never forget that quote. Ever. “In a lot more ways than I ever thought possible.”

“I am glad to hear that,” the professor replied, nodding his head slowly, and smiled. “I hope I will see you in some of my classes when the next semester starts.”

“I’m definitely planning on coming back and- Mae, can you please leave the books where they are,” Oliver asked with s gentle voice when the toddler was about to pull one of the great tomes off the bottommost shelf. When Mae showed no sign of stopping, he added, “Mae, daddy said-“

“Just let her play,” Professor Stein suggested, stopping Oliver from getting up and keeping Mae from pulling the book out. “Kids’ interest in books can never be woken soon enough, no matter how playful their encounters with books are.”

Oliver smiled at Mae, watching her sit down on the floor next to the book before opening it. It seemed to be a book about arts as the pages were filled with colorful photos.

“If she takes after her mother, then she will love books a lot more than most other people,” Oliver said, smiling at Mae.

For a long time, nobody said a word. Oliver watched Mae, shooting a short look to Professor Stein every now and then. The elderly man watched the toddler with a gentle smile, too.

“So how have you been these past few weeks?” Professor Stein asked eventually.

“Good,” Oliver said automatically. “It’s good being back.”

“Are you… back?” the professor asked.

“Right now, we are just in Boston for a few days. We are going back to Starling City for awhile. The plan is to come back right before the next semester starts, I guess,” Oliver explained.

“You know, there is a difference between ‘arriving home’ and ‘coming home’ and if you ask me, it’s the second thing that is required to really be back after being lost. So did you come home or just arrive home?”

The professor folded his hands on his stomach and cocked his head. Oliver pressed his lips together and rolled them into his mouth. He remembered the day Professor Stein had asked him to stay for a little longer after class, so they could talk. Oliver had felt like he was being tested when all Professor Stein had been doing was asking questions about what was going on with him. He had done so in such a philosophic matter that it had unsettled Oliver a little. Yet his advice to read  _ The Odyssey _ had been the best that he could have been given.

Oliver glanced over his shoulder to check on Mae. After the little steps they had taken today – their walk together and Mae holding out her hand, so he could hold it – his outburst during his training with John yesterday seemed to be so far away. That was the thing; there was no linear process, but a back and forth that was so confusing that Oliver never knew what would come next.

“I think I thought arriving home would be enough to come home,” Oliver finally said with a sigh. He shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes I feel like I have come home, other times I feel my home has changed so much that I am not sure it can ever go back to the way it used to be.”

Professor Stein nodded. “You have to rediscover your home to feel at home there.”

Oliver sighed. “That’s a lot easier said than done.”

“It always is,” Professor Stein replied with a gentle smile, “but you read  _ The Odyssey _ . You know the trouble about coming home and the different endings it can have. You had seen it with Odysseus, Agamemnon and Achilles. You just have to figure out which one of them you are and which one of them you want to become.”

“Doesn’t everyone want to be Odysseus?” Oliver asked with a frown. “He is the only one whose return home was successful and who stayed alive.”

Professor Stein smiled. “I will be very happy to have you back in my classes.”

“The first teacher to ever say that to me, but admittedly-“ Oliver stopped when Mae stepped next to him, looking at him intently. “What’s wrong, Sweetie?”

Mae took the pacifier from her mouth. “Go mama?”

“Yes, let’s go see mama.” Oliver smiled, nodding his head, before turning back to Professor Stein. “I am sorry. I promised her we’d pick up her mom from MIT.”

“Yes, of course,” Professor Stein replied with a smile. “It was nice of you to come visit. I am really glad you did.”

Oliver smiled as he went to put the book Mae had been looking at back to the shelf. As he was doing so, Mae reached out her hand for the book.

“Sorry, Sweetie, but the book has to stay here,” he said.

“Oh, she can take it,” Professor Stein replied. “Never stop a child from taking a book.”

“You really don’t have to,” Oliver started, but the professor simply smiled, so Oliver sighed and nodded his head.

Mae kept reaching for the book, so Oliver placed it into her hands carefully. She had trouble holding both, book and octopus, though. Oliver held out his hand to take one. Mae hesitated shortly before she arched her back to hand the book to him causing Oliver to smile as he took it from her.

“Thank you, Professor,” Oliver said.

“Of course,” he answered.

The two men shook hands before Oliver smiled at Mae, “Ready to get mommy?”

Mae nodded and put her hand back in his. This might turn out to be his favorite day since his return,  it almost felt like coming home.

 

 

Following the endless circle of steps forwards and steps back, the following days didn’t bring much new development with Mae. Well, they didn’t really take any steps back, either, so Oliver should probably count it as a win nonetheless. Mae didn’t talk to him much or seek his attention or anything, but she wasn’t rejecting him as much as she used to do, either. All in all, Oliver felt he and Mae were on the right path, even if it was a long, stony path with a lot of unnecessary loops.

Sitting next to Mae on the carpet in the living room of the mansion, Oliver looked over his little girl’s shoulder to look at the picture in the book Professor Stein had given to her.

“If I am not completely wrong, then it’s a Monet,” he said. “You know how I know? Because I remember these poppies. Poppies are the flowers here.”

Oliver pointed at the red flowers in the painting. Mae didn’t seem to be interested in whatever he was telling her. Frowning slightly, she grabbed the book and turned a little bit away from him. Sighing, Oliver leaned back against the back of the couch and just watched Mae.

There were so many things he had learned about her, yet so many more that he felt he still had to discover. The little girl was almost like a mystery to him, just like Felicity had been once upon a time. He had learned more about Felicity, though, and he would learn more about Mae. It just took time.

When Mae flipped back to the page with the Monet’s painting, she stared at it for a long moment before she pointed at the red flowers and said to herself, “Poppies.”

Oliver smiled, feeling his heart jumping into his throat. “Yes, those are poppies. Do you-“

Ignoring his words, Mae closed the book and went over to the corner where some of her toys were put and started playing with the toy garage. Oliver stayed where he was, crossing his ankles. Today really didn’t seem the best day for Mae and him, but as long as he got the chance to watch her play, he was happy or at least as happy as he could be.

Oliver had spent a lot of time thinking since returning from Boston yesterday. He knew that John and Professor Stein were both right. He needed to really come home and heal for things to get better. He still hadn’t slept with Felicity and though it didn’t feel like a problem for either of them, he felt like it proved that things weren’t completely right yet. Things would get easier with Mae once he had healed, too.

He knew her rejection wasn’t only caused from not knowing him. After a month of living under one roof, she had to know that she could trust him. He was there almost all the time and Felicity was always close to him. Mae could see that her mom trusted him, so that should make her know that she could trust him, too. No, Oliver was sure there was something more that was holding her back. He still had John’s words about Mae’s trauma stuck in his head and Oliver had done a lot of research about the consequences of a child losing a parent. He had found out that trust issues and clinging to the people closest to the child were typical behavioral consequences. He hadn’t found much about the consequences for toddlers since most research had seemed to focus on children that were elementary school age, but he assumed that maybe it was the same for them.

Anyway, Oliver was sure that he himself was part of the reason why things weren’t going as easy as he might have hoped in the beginning. Oliver wasn’t sure of his place in Mae’s life because of the long time he had been away. He was always worried that he would do something wrong. Make her cry or just upset her. He didn’t know what she could and couldn’t do, what he could let her try and what he had to keep her away from. These things probably came natural for most parents while they were watching their child develop. Oliver had missed part of her development, though, and now he didn’t know.

Right after Mae’s birthday, he and Felicity would have to talk about a few things and eventually Oliver would have to tell her that maybe what he needed was a little more alone-time with just the two of them. Maybe they could even go on a vacation together or just look for a new apartment. Some shared memories for the three of them and a fresh start for all of them could help. At least he hoped so.

“What’s wrong, Mae?” Oliver asked when she approached him and held out one of the toy cars for him.

“Help.”

“You need help?” Oliver asked.

Mae nodded and Oliver smiled. She had never really asked for his help like that. He shot a short glance at the toy garage across the room and saw that all the other cars were blinking with colorful lights and making noises. He turned the toy car in his hand and flipped the switch on the underside. As soon as he pressed the button on the windshield of the car, the toy started blinking and making music.

“Here you go,” Oliver said, handing the toy back to Mae, and she quickly went back to the toy garage.

Oliver smiled, releasing a quiet breath. In moments like these it was so easy to remind himself to be patient with her and that she would come around, but he was sure as soon as they weren’t alone all her attention would be stolen from him, he would feel his hope slipping through his fingers. Closing his eyes, Oliver shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face.

He had thought about John’s advice about trying therapy, but he felt like maybe he didn’t need it. Once he had really ‘gotten home’ as Professor Stein had called it, things would solve themselves. All he needed for that was to be Mae’s dad again, the way he used to be. There was no need for him to go to a stranger and tell them what had happened when-

“Dada.”

Oliver felt his heart skipping a beat before it started racing in his chest, pounding against his ribs so powerful it almost felt like it was trying to jump out of his body. He swallowed hard and took in a deep breath, turning towards Mae. She was kneeling on the couch, pointing out of the window.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Go dada,” Mae said, still pointing outside.

Oliver knew he shouldn’t be surprised, but he still felt the slight hurt in his chest that she wasn’t saying ‘dada’ to him apparently. He got up from the floor and joined Mae on the couch, sitting down next to her and following the direction of her finger. He frowned, wondering what ‘dada’ meant for her.

“Yes, there are trees,” he said, his voice not failing to reveal how clueless he was about what Mae meant.

“Go dada,” Mae repeated again, turning her eyes to him. “Go dada.”

“You want to go outside?” Oliver asked,

Mae nodded. “Go dada.”

“Okay, we’ll go outside,” Oliver replied. “Daddy is going upstairs to get your rain boots and your jacket. Put away your toys, okay?”

Mae nodded and walked back to her toys, starting to put them away. Oliver watched her for a moment before he headed upstairs to get her rain boots and jacket. When he walked past Thea’s room, he found that her door was left open. His little sister was lying on her bed, looking at her laptop.

“Hey,” Oliver said gently. “Mae and I want to go outside. Do you want to join us?”

Thea shook her head. “No.”

Oliver didn’t miss the sadness in her voice and eyes. He puckered his lips and leaned into the doorframe, cocking his head. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, sure,” Thea replied immediately.

“Really?” Oliver asked. “Because you seem-“

“I just... I was just thinking about dad and-“ Thea stopped herself and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not that important. Go and have fun with Mae.”

Thea turned back to her laptop, not paying him any more attention. Oliver knew he should say something. He wanted to say something that could comfort her. He just had no idea what to do or to say. He felt the knot in his stomach tighten more, like it always did when he was feeling uncomfortable or unhappy.

“Okay then,” he whispered and turned around on his heels, continuing his way to Mae’s nursery.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he should have said or done something to comfort his sister, but he felt like he was the last person who was able to do that. Whenever his father was mentioned or he was thinking about him, Oliver felt his chest tighten. The circumstances of their father’s death haunted him in his worst nightmares, waking him from a fitful sleep disoriented and in panic. Well, most of his nightmares did.

Shaking off the thoughts and memories, Oliver grabbed Mae’s boots and jacket and went back downstairs. Mae was already waiting in the front room. She was sitting on the bottom-most stair, holding her pink octopus in her hands.

“Pretty boots,” Mae said while Oliver was helping her put them on.

Oliver smiled. “Yes, they are really pretty. Did mommy buy them for you?”

“Mama,” Mae replied, nodding her head. “Pretty boots?”

“The prettiest boots daddy has ever seen,” Oliver assured her with a wide smile. “You can be talkative when you want to.”

“Go dada?”

Oliver zipped Mae’s jacket and adjusted the hood, so it wasn’t turned inside out any longer. He nodded his head then. “Yes, now we go outside.”

“Go dada!” Mae exclaimed excitedly.

“Mae, I have no idea what you mean,” Oliver said with a sigh. “What’s ‘dada’?”

Immediately Mae took his hand and started pulling him towards the door. “Go dada.”

“Okay, you show me what dada is,” Oliver agreed, smiling about how much more open she was towards him suddenly and how eager she was to show him whatever it was she wanted to show him.

Mae led him over the terrace and towards the lawn to the back of the garden where the small forest began. He hadn’t been in this part of the garden for years, mostly spending his time on the terrace. When he had been younger, he had always loved spending time in the forest, though. It had been the perfect place for adventures with his friends.

“You want to go to the forest?” Oliver asked Mae.

“No, go dada,” she replied.

“Okay,” Oliver said slowly, frowning.

It wasn’t until Mae walked past the stone statue to where there was the old oak tree that Oliver saw it. He stopped in his step, unable to move any further. Mae was tugging at his hand to pull him closer, but Oliver stood stock-still. He felt his heart racing in his chest, taking his breath away.

Eventually, she let go of his hand. Oliver watched her stepping closer to the two gravestones. She moved her little hand over the edge of the left gravestone lovingly. With her temple leaning against the edge of the stone, she took a look around. Then she put the octopus down in front of the grave and walked over to where some flowers were springing. Mumbling to herself, she started picking them.

Oliver suddenly felt his legs starting to shake and he quickly fell to his knees, sitting back on his heels. He took in the two gravestones that had been set up for him and his dad. He hadn’t known about this. He had had no idea that there had been something like this. He knew that they had officially been pronounced dead a few weeks after the Gambit had gone down. Felicity might have mentioned that there had been a memorial ceremony, but Oliver had had no idea about this.

Only now did it really occurred to him that for his family, he had really been dead. He hadn’t been away or missing like he had always thought of  it himself or  how he had referred to it  as in the last couple of weeks. For them he had been dead. Rationally, he had known that. He had known that he had been pronounced dead and they had thought that he was dead.  It wasn’t until now that the real meaning of that hit home, though.

They had said goodbye to him like they had said goodbye to his dad. They had needed this ceremony and this ritual, maybe even buried empty coffins. They had never had the chance to say goodbye to them before their supposed death since they had been ripped from their lives unexpectedly. They had needed something like this to get the chance to say all the things they hadn’t been able to say while he and Robert had still been here with them. They had needed it to accept that they were never going to come back.

Mae had picked a small bouquet of flowers by now. Looking down on them, she parted them into two. She went to Robert’s grave and put one half onto it, making sure the flowers were all close together. Then she stroked her hand over the gravestone and said, “Hi, gapa.”

Oliver just assumed that it was her version of grandpa. She hadn’t said that word yet when they had left and so far he hadn’t heard her say something like that to Quentin, but Oliver hadn’t seen the two together that often yet. His dad certainly would have loved to hear Mae calling him ‘gapa’. He had loved her so much.

Mae took the other half of the bouquet and went to the gravestone that carried Oliver’s name. She put the flowers to the grave just as carefully as she had with the other half on his dad’s grave. Then she moved her hand against the cold stone and finally moved forward to kiss the edge of it. It was only a short kiss, but she smiled when she pulled away and said, “Hi, dada.”

Oliver felt his heart shattering in a thousand pieces. Tears were welling in his eyes and he was unable to stop them from falling and rolling down his cheeks. His throat tightened so much that Oliver had trouble breathing. His chest burned from the need for air, but he  couldn’t take in a single breath.

He had been part of Mae’s life, even in the past year that he hadn’t been there. She seemed to have this ritual for him where she was picking flowers and saying hi to him. This was ‘dada’ for her. The gravestone was what used to be him because that had been all that had been left of him.

Children should know what a daddy was. They should have memories of him and connect the word to a person they loved very much and who was always there for them. It should have been connected to someone who was embracing her in his arms and someone who was making her feel comfortable. That had been what Oliver had wanted his daughter to remember. It wasn’t, though. She didn’t remember these things. All Mae connected with ‘dada’ was a cold stone and her ritual of picking flowers and saying hi.

Mae took the pink octopus from the grave and turned towards Oliver. She hesitated for a moment, just looking at him with her blue eyes. Oliver tried to wipe his tears away and smile at her, but he was unable to, more tears falling no matter how much he tried to keep them back. Eventually Mae walked towards him until she was standing right in front of him.

“You cry?”

“Yes, I am crying,” Oliver admitted with choked voice and once again tried wiping the tears away. “Sorry.”

“You sad?”

“I’m… Daddy’s just…” Oliver swallowed. Biting back another sob he nodded, “Yes, daddy’s sad.”

Then she put her arms around his neck and hugged him. Oliver sobbed, hiding his face in the crook of Mae’s neck and shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her little body, pulling her closer to him.

He had always wanted to be a good dad. His relationship to his own dad had been strained for so many years that he had always sworn to himself to be the kind of dad his daughter could trust in and always go to. There should have been nothing that she should have been afraid or embarrassed of in front of him.

He had selfishly put his need to get to know his father better above his daughter’s need to have her daddy close, though. He couldn’t have known that it would end in a year of being away, but even the three weeks the trip was supposed to take would have been too much. He should have never left her, never made her doubt that he was always close and always there for her. Maybe then they wouldn’t be in this mess.

Mae’s childhood would always be shaped by his supposed death. It was not the mark he had wanted to leave on his daughter’s life and he would do anything and everything to make sure her life would be affected by him in a much better way in the future.

“I am so sorry, Mae,” he sobbed against the side of her neck, tightening his arm around her. “Daddy’s so sorry.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is probably going to upset a few people. Please wait with comments that make me know how discouraged and disappointed you are until the middle of September when I will actually have the time and nerve to obsess over this. I also know this sounds very mean, but I am having a bad and exhausted day in a series of bad and exhausted days and I am just feeling terrible. I doubt it will change anytime soon...

Oliver felt his thumb rubbing against his fingertips nervously while he was overlooking the garden and the many people there. He knew that there was nothing to be afraid of, but he couldn’t help feeling unsettled by having so many people around. Keeping his observing eyes on the people, who were distributed over the terrace in small groups, Oliver pressed himself a little closer to the cool wall behind him. Knowing that by standing like this no one could come up to him from behind helped calm down his racing heart enough to stop it from pounding against his ribs painfully.

For the first half an hour of the party he had stayed at Felicity’s side, feeling like her presence was helping him relax a little. When Carter, Ted and Alex, his old friends from the football team in college, had arrived he had left her side. He had thought that after the first minutes of getting used to having so many people around, he would be okay without having Felicity by his side the entire time. Instead he had felt his heartbeat quickening and his chest tightening more and more with each second that passed.

Oliver directed his gaze back to where Felicity was standing with Curtis and Sara, chatting about something. She looked happy with the wide smile that was spread across her face. Part of him wished he could just go over to her and comfort himself by tugging her into his arms and holding her close. He felt unable to move away from the wall, feeling  as if he’d be throwing himself to the sharks if he left his safe haven.

As if she had felt his gaze on her, Felicity turned her head and looked right at him, apparently taking in his remote position at the wall, separated from everyone else. She cocked her head, giving him a slightly worried look. Oliver smiled at her quickly, trying to hide his fear and nervousness, but Felicity seemed to see right through it.

When she looked like she was about to walk towards him, Oliver took in a deep breath and quickly took a few steps away from the wall. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings right now. This was Mae’s birthday and it shouldn’t be overshadowed by his fears like the last year of her life had already been overshadowed by his alleged death.

For a moment, he was unsure where to go to as he tried to avoid Felicity. When he saw that Mae was playing alone on a blanket that was spread on the floor, Oliver approached her and knelt down at the other end of the blanket. Mae only looked at him shortly before she continued playing. From the corner of his eye Oliver saw Felicity engaged in a conversation with John and Lyla and he released a breath of relief. He really hadn’t been up for talking to her about this right now, but he also knew that he couldn’t lie to her if she asked him. She would see right through it and he would feel horrible, too.

Oliver wanted normality and for him that included pretending this past year had never happened. He knew it was impossible, especially since he had seen his grave at the back of the garden behind the mansion, reminding everyone of what had happened, but he just didn’t want to feel like a stranger in his own life anymore. When he sat down with Felicity to talk, he would ask her to remove his gravestone. He wasn’t dead after all.

Looking at Mae, Oliver smiled softly. She was so focused on playing that she barely seemed to notice him. She was babbling to herself, not paying much attention to what was happening around her. She reminded him so much of Felicity. When Felicity was reading a good book or spending time at her computer, sometimes she was so focused that she didn’t notice what was happening around her. It was amazing seeing Mae like that.

“Do you like your birthday party?” Oliver asked Mae.

Mae looked up and smiled happily. “Mae cake.”

“You had cake?”

Mae nodded excitedly. “Cho’lad.”

“Chocolate cake,” Oliver said knowingly, his smile widening. He understood her a lot better than he had during his first few days back. He could even have a conversation with her, even if they were still a little limited. “That sounds yummy.”

“Yummy!” Mae repeated after him.

“Chocolate cake is daddy’s favorite cake,” Oliver told her. “And Raisa makes the best chocolate cake, right?”

“Raisa and Mae.”

“So you helped Raisa with the cake?”

“Mae-“ she stopped and made a circling movement with her hand, looking at him expectantly.

“You stirred the chocolate mousse?” he asked.

Mae nodded. “And eat it.”

“Well, what’s the fun of baking if you’re not allowed to try it?” Oliver asked.

Mae smiled at him for a moment longer before she went back to playing. Oliver just watched her silently. Their relationship had gotten a lot better and he felt it was the time they had spent just the two of them that had helped them getting here. When there wasn’t anyone around who knew Mae better, and what she could do and couldn’t do, Oliver just felt safer interacting with her and he was sure that she could feel it.

Watching her, he figured that his absurd panic was a small price to pay for this day. Mae seemed to be having a good time with Andria Diggle as well as her entire family and so many of her adult friends here. She enjoyed having all the attention and was  pure sunshine around everyone. It seemed so easy for her.

Taking in a deep breath, Oliver decided that rationalizing the situation and trying to get to know everything there was to know about it was hopefully going to help him calm down and enjoy this day a little bit more. He took a look around to take in all the people who were here. Apart from his own family and Felicity’s family, his former friends from college and Curtis from MIT had come. John, Lyla and Andria had come, of course. They basically were like family to them.

The only one Oliver hadn’t expected to be here was Walter Steele, the current CEO of Queen Consolidated. For some reason, his mother had decided to invite him. Since Felicity seemed to like him, though, Oliver hadn’t said anything. He turned his head to where his mother was standing with Mr. Steele, engaged into a conversation. They were both leaning close to each other and chatting lightly as it seemed from the content smile on his mother’s lips. When he said something, she even laughed happily and put a hand to his forearm for a moment. Oliver frowned slightly, biting his tongue.

He wished his father was here and wouldn’t have to miss this day or any other day in his granddaughter’s life. Oliver knew that his dad had wanted to get to know Mae better and spend more time with her. He had wanted to make up for the chances he had missed with his own children. Oliver wished he had gotten the chance to, but life and death just weren’t fair. At least they hadn’t been fair to him. Releasing a long breath, Oliver pushed that thought away for the moment.

Mae grabbed her sippy cup from the floor next to her and looked inside of it. Then she held it out for Oliver and asked, “More please?”

Oliver smiled. Nodding his head, he took the beaker from her as he stood and Mae tried to follow.  Her legs seemed a little wobbly from sitting on the floor for so long, so Oliver reached out his hand for her. Mae put her little fingers into his hand and let him help her up, keeping her hand safely in his when he led Mae to the long table where all kinds of sweets and drinks were stored.

“So what would you like?” Oliver asked, taking a look at all the drinks Raisa had prepared. “Do you want some lemonade?”

Mae nodded, a wide smile spreading on her lips. What child didn’t like to drink some extra sweet lemonade, especially if it was  homemade by Raisa. Oliver poured some into her cup and gave it to Mae. Holding it she started drinking eagerly. It really was a pleasure to watch.

“Uh-oh. I already know who won’t be able to get any sleep tonight.”

Oliver bit his tongue, trying to keep himself from rolling his eyes in annoyance. Instead he put on a wide smile and watched as Tommy approached. He had more or less successfully avoided him today. He would try to avoid him for as long as necessary until he had finally found the right time to talk to Felicity about how he felt about Tommy always being so close.

“Little hint,” Tommy said when he stepped up next to Oliver and leaned closer to him with a smug grin, “it’s not only going to be her.”

Oliver didn’t say anything, just pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants and continued to bite his tongue. Tommy meanwhile knelt in front of Mae, who smiled mischievously, still not setting the drink down. Tommy tickled her stomach and Mae giggled happily.

“Enjoying your big day?”

Mae just smiled and turned around, reaching out her hand for a bowl of sweets. When she couldn’t grab it, Oliver pulled it closer and angled it a little so Mae could grab one of the cookies inside.

“Maybe you should cut down on her sugar level a little,” Tommy said. “She is easily getting-“

“Maybe you should leave the decision of how much sugar Mae gets up to me,” Oliver replied between clenched jaws.

He had trouble keeping himself from adding that he was Mae’s father, no matter how much Tommy tried to force himself into that role. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth at not saying it, but forced himself to take some deep breaths and calm down. Today was all about Mae and not about him, so today clearly wasn’t the day to voice his problems with everything that changed since he left on the Gambit and with the way his supposed best friend acted around Mae.

Tommy seemed to be unsure of what to say to that. Oliver avoided his gaze, but he saw his friend staring at him. It almost looked like Tommy had no idea why Oliver was reacting this irritated and once more Oliver wondered if maybe he was just overreacting to things. Tommy seemed to see nothing wrong with his corrective and his smart-aleck behavior. Nobody seemed to see a problem with that but him, so maybe he was the real problem.

Oliver cleared his throat, trying to alleviate the tension, as he asked, “Are you having a good time?”

“Yes,” Tommy replied lightly, probably just as relieved there was something they could talk about, hopefully without things getting awkward, as Oliver was. “It’s nice spending an afternoon like this and what better reason to celebrate than this little munchkin’s birthday?”

Oliver nodded his head. “I couldn’t think about any better reason, either.”

For a long moment, silence settled. They both just watched Mae as she  happily munched on some jelly beans. It wasn’t long before Andria came over  to get Mae and they went to play. Oliver watched the girls leave, stroking his hand over Mae’s curly hair when she walked past him.

“You know,” Tommy said after a while, “I was wondering if we could do something together. Kind of like the old times maybe.”

“Like what?” Oliver asked, looking at Tommy.

Tommy shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe we could go to a  a football game or something like that.”

Like in the old days, Oliver repeated in his head. That was what he wanted, things to go back to how they had been in old times. Maybe getting back to a normal level with Tommy would help him get rid of this annoyed feeling whenever Tommy was around.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Oliver agreed, nodding his head.

“I’ll look at the schedule and let you know about tickets,” Tommy suggested.

Oliver nodded. “Great. Thanks.”

Oliver saw Tommy nodding from the corner of his eye. Once more silence settled between them. Oliver looked down at his shoes, shuffling his right foot over the ground slightly. He felt awkward because as much as he wanted to be normal around Tommy, he just couldn’t help the tight feeling in his chest whenever he was around.

He was already thinking about what else to say when he felt a hand being put to his back. If it wasn’t for the familiar feeling of the small fingers, Oliver would have probably flinched. He caught himself in the last second. Smiling, he glanced back at  Felicity and put his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to his side.

“Hey,” he said, as he  kissed the tip of her nose. “Everything alright?”

“Sure,” Felicity replied, giving him a happy smile. She put a hand to his chest and rubbed up and down gently. “I actually wanted to ask you the same thing.”

“Everything’s alright,” Oliver hurried to say. He shot a short look to Tommy, who watched the two of them with a smile. “I was just talking to Tommy.”

Felicity moved her gaze to Tommy.  She stepped a little to the side, still keeping close to Oliver, but looked back and forth between the boys. “Am I disturbing your super-important boys’ talk?”

“You could never disturb anything,” Oliver told her and kissed her temple, rubbing his hand up and down her shoulder. “Tommy and I just decided that we should catch a football game together.”

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” Felicity replied.

“That’s what we thought,” Tommy agreed, “and we-“

When there were some loud giggles coming from behind them, they turned around to watch Quentin kneeling next to Andria and Mae on the blanket. He was making funny faces for them and the girls giggled in amusement though Mae’s giggles ended in loud, happy screeches more often than not.

Oliver smiled. Mae was such a sunshine. From his safe haven against the wall, he had watched her. She seemed to enjoy having people around though she had been quite shy around Mr. Steele and the boys from the football team. Oliver assumed that she didn’t know them that well and that was why she was being hesitant around them.

“This day is really great, but I really wish my mom wouldn’t try to kill us,” Felicity said with a sigh, dropping her forehead against Oliver’s shoulder with a dramatic sigh.

Oliver frowned, shooting a gaze to Donna. She was talking to his mom and Mr. Steele, who were standing weirdly close to each other and smiling like they were sharing a secret. Oliver quickly pushed the thought away and looked back at Felicity.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, who do you think is responsible for the high level of blood sugar?” Felicity asked. She shot a short look at Mae before she looked back at Oliver and sighed. “I know my mom likes to spoil her, but I wish she would remember that little kids just react quite strongly to too much sugar, at least Mae does. If she continues giving her sweets and sugary drinks, Mae is going to dance in her bed all night. My mom knows that Mae reacts badly to too much sugar. Why would she give her so much of it?”

Oliver pressed his lips together. He didn’t dare looking at Tommy to check if he was really grinning or if it only looked like that from the corner of his eye.

“She didn’t,” Oliver whispered eventually. “I did.”

For the break of a second, Felicity looked at him with surprise. She perked up her eyebrows like she was wordlessly asking why he would do that. Oliver felt his chest tightening a little with nervousness. Before he could say anything, Felicity waved it off, though.

“Well, in that case it’s fine,” she explained. “Besides, it’s her birthday, so if there is a day for her to enjoy an overdose of sugar, it’s today.”

Oliver pressed his lips together a little bit more firmly, trying to figure out what to say. Felicity didn’t look angry. She just smiled and watched their daughter, squeezing her eyes shut whenever Mae’s screeches seemed to pierce through her ear. Yet Oliver felt the need to explain himself.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I just thought she would enjoy it, but-“

Felicity smiled and shook her head. “It’s not really a big deal. Mae can get quite hyped with too much sugar, but it’s not that bad. She’s also running around a lot, so I hope it won’t take too long for her to fall asleep tonight. Even if it does, it’s not the end of the world. Really, don’t worry about it. The first time I exaggerated with the sugar, Mae cried all night. It was a nightmare. At around four am, her cries even woke up Raisa and she took care of her for the rest of the night. Trust me, we have all given her  too much sugar at one time or another.”

He tugged the right corner of his lips up into a halfhearted smile and Felicity moved her hand up and down his chest. It felt good having her hand on his heart like that and Oliver closed his eyes, releasing a long breath.

He knew there were things that he just didn’t know about Mae yet. He had only been back for a couple of weeks after missing an entire year of her life. He needed time like he had told himself so often, but he felt like the more time passed, the more time he still needed. It just seemed the longer he was back, the more things he discovered that ther was so much more he didn’t know about his daughter.

“For the record, I tried to warn you,” Tommy said, shooting Oliver what he assumed was supposed to be a teasing look, “but you didn’t want to listen.”

Oliver felt his muscles tensing. As much as he knew that Tommy wanted to tease him and nothing more, Oliver couldn’t help but feel like he words were just twisting the knife in the wound.

“How about you just shut the hell up?”

The words escaped him in a dark growl. Oliver himself was almost surprised by the sound of it. He had wanted to just change the topic. The thought that Tommy just needed to shut the hell up had been in his head, but he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

He had had the right to say so, though. Tommy was continuing to act like he was Mae’s dad and like he knew everything better. Yes, he had been here the past year and knew more things about Mae than Oliver did. Yet Oliver was her father, not Tommy.

“Whoa, what’s wrong with you?” Tommy asked, frowning. “I was just making a joke.”

“No, you are not joking. You are showing off like you have continued to do since I got back.”

He could feel Felicity rubbing her hand over his chest and looking at him intently, willing him to look at her, but he couldn’t. His eyes were focused on Tommy, his body blind and deaf for the way Felicity wanted to calm him down apparently.

“I didn’t-“

“You have been proving to me again and again how much better you know Mae and how much more she loves you ever since I came back,” Oliver interrupted Tommy, his voice growing louder as he spoke. “You are there all the time, telling me how to deal with her like you are her father, but you aren’t. I am.”

“Yes, you are,” Tommy confirmed, “but you haven’t been here and someone needed to step up and-“

“And what? Take my place?!”

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered, holding onto his bicep when he took a step towards Tommy, but Oliver shook her fingers off his arm.

He hadn’t wanted to say any of this, at least not here. He had wanted to talk to Felicity and after that sit Tommy down and ask him to back off a little, so Oliver could have more time alone with his girls. He had wanted to ask about it and be grateful for what Tommy had done while Oliver had been away. Fact was that Tommy didn’t seem to understand that everything he had done in the past year was over now and he could let it go. Mae didn’t need him to be there for her any longer because Oliver was back and he was going to be there for her now.

“I love Mae and I-“

“I am her father!” Oliver yelled.

“Yes, but you haven’t been here!”

Oliver barely noticed what happened. One second he was clenching his fist to release some of the tension Tommy’s words had inflicted on him and the next he was punching the man who had once been his best friend. His fist was beating Tommy mercilessly and no matter how many punches Tommy landed – in Oliver’s chest, his stomach and his face – he didn’t give up. Oliver continued to punch Tommy and take his friend’s punches until the two of them were entangled on the floor.

“This is my life!” Oliver yelled. “Felicity is my girlfriend and Mae is my daughter! They are my family, not yours! Mine!”

All the rage he had bottled up inside of him for days now suddenly seemed to break. Tommy had continued to make Oliver know how much better he knew Mae than he did and how much better his relationship to her was than Oliver’s. Tommy was trying to force him away and just take Oliver’s place in his own life.

When two strong pair of hands pulled him away, Oliver gave up whatever had made him punch his friend. He remembered fighting Tommy and Laurel when they had pulled him off Max Fuller in high school because he had been determined to beat that guy to crap for what he had said to Felicity. This was different, though.

Once John and Quentin had pulled him back up on his feet while Carter and Ted were holding back Tommy, Oliver finally came back to his senses. He was panting wildly, his chest hurting with the need for more air. He felt the pain in his face and tasted the little bit of blood on his tongue. He heard the children’s cries and turned his head to see Sara and Nyssa leading Andria and a crying Mae away from the scene. His eyes caught Felicity’s face. She was staring at him with wide eyes, her face white in shock. Looking around, he found all eyes on him, most of them, like his mother’s and Thea’s in complete shock.

Only now he realized what he had done. He had gulped down all of his feelings in the last couple of days to delay these discussions until after Mae’s birthday. Now here he stood in the middle of her birthday party, his face throbbing with pain from Tommy’s punches while Tommy was staring at him with an already swelling eye. Oliver’s heart was pounding against his ribs forcefully and the blood was rushing in his ears loudly.

He opened his mouth to say something, even if he didn’t know what he could say that would take this back. He couldn’t say anything to make this unhappen. He couldn’t say anything at all. There was nothing to say other than that he was sorry because he had never wanted this to get out of control like this. Before he got the chance to apologize, Tommy shook off Carter’s and Ted’s hands from himself and took a step towards Oliver, looking at him with angry eyes.

“What the hell has gotten into you?!” Tommy asked with a loud, enraged voice. “You really think I wanted to take your place?! Really?! You think I wanted to become a… I don’t know… compensatory dad to your daughter? You think I wanted to become any kind of dad to any child at this age? Guess what, Oliver, I didn’t! I wanted to go to college and live a normal college life, but you had to leave a message in my mailbox right before you went on the Gambit, telling me to take care of Felicity and Mae for as long as you were away. I did! I did take care of them! I quit parties and whatever normality there used to be to help raise your daughter because you wanted me to take care of them. You wanted me to do that, so I did it because I am your friend. Well, at least I thought I was.”

Oliver held his breath, staring at Tommy. He took a short look back over his shoulder to the meadow where Sara was bouncing Mae up and down on her hip. She had stopped crying by now and was giggling happy instead.

When Tommy looked back at Oliver, he was panting. He took one more step towards him and almost whispered, “I love Mae. I love her like she is my own, okay? Nothing will ever change that. Just like nothing would have ever changed that you are her father. I did what I felt needed to be done to help Felicity and Mae after we thought you were dead. Then when you came back, I figured I wanted to prove to you that you’re not the only one who has changed and that I can take responsibility and I did what you asked of me because I am your friend. Seems like was a waste of time and effort.”

Tommy stared at Oliver for a moment longer before he snorted, shook his head and turned away. Oliver looked after him, feeling the guilt taking his breath away. He looked at Felicity, who had wrapped her arms around herself tightly like she needed to hold herself together. She was looking at him with tears in her eyes, her face still white. Everyone was still staring at him.

He had ruined it. He had ruined his daughter’s birthday party and he had punched someone who had just tried to be his friend. All the scattered pieces the past year had left of him were hurting the people closest to him. He couldn’t build a relationship with his daughter. He couldn’t help his little sister. He was pushing Felicity away and now he had physically and verbally attacked Tommy, who had done his best to keep things together when they had threatened to fall apart after he had gone missing.

Overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, Oliver squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath. Then he turned around and walked away. He couldn’t be there any longer. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t bear to have anyone around him right now. He just needed to leave, so he went.

 

 

Felicity bit down on her bottom lip. Not taking her eyes off Oliver, who sat on the edge of the bed with his head lowered and his hands pushed under his thighs, she leaned into the frame of the door and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She didn’t make a sound and just watched him quietly, wondering what she could or should say.

After that terrible scene with Tommy, Oliver had left and taken a ride out on his motorcycle. The party had taken a serious nosedive from the encounter of the two former friends. Hence, it hadn’t taken long for people to start leaving. Her mother had offered to take Mae home with her, but Felicity had wanted to keep her with her. She had spent the past two hours putting the birthday girl to bed. The overdose of sugar had made it quite the struggle to get the girl to sleep.

Felicity wasn’t sure when Oliver had come back. She hadn’t heard him over Mae’s cries, but she had also expected him to be back. He hadn’t taken his phone with him and it was already dark. She had hoped that he wouldn’t stay away overnight without letting her know where he was. He knew how the trauma losing him had left her.

Just like she knew the trauma the past year had inflicted on him. Well, at least she felt like they were scratching at the surface of it. If there was anything Oliver’s outburst today had proved though,  it was that there was a lot more going on with him than he had let on so far.

“Did she fall asleep?” Oliver asked eventually, still not looking at her.

Felicity nodded. “Yes. It took a while. She was very hyped after this day and all the excitement with so many people and the presents and-“

“-the sugar,” Oliver interrupted her. He lifted his eyes to look at her for a split second. It was only a brief moment before he lowered his head again, but it was enough to see the dark bruise that had formed on his cheekbone. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t know,” Felicity said gently. She walked towards him and next to him on the bed. “You couldn’t know.”

“Tommy knew,” Oliver replied.

Felicity felt her heart tighten in pain for him. She loved Oliver so much and seeing him like this, like he felt so terribly broken and lost, hurt her more than she thought was possible. She put a hand to his thigh, but Oliver quickly took it and kissed her palm before he snuggled his face into her hand, careful to avoid the bruise on his face or the ones on the knuckles of his hands. Felicity smiled sadly, watching Oliver’s relaxed face even if she didn’t miss the struggle underneath.

“You missed a lot, Oliver,” Felicity whispered

For a long moment, neither of them said a word. Oliver squeezed his eyes shut even more firmly, his face screwing up in pain. Felicity felt her heart aching in her chest when she saw the tears escaping the corner of Oliver’s eyes. She carefully climbed onto Oliver’s lap and cradled his head to her chest, so he could listen to the beat of her heart. It was helping him with his nightmares, at least with the ones that weren’t too bad. Oliver wrapped his arms around her tightly and tried to take in deep breaths. Felicity rubbed her hand up and down his back soothingly in the meantime.

Felicity knew that Oliver had struggled since he had come back. So many things had changed since he had gone on the Gambit and so had he.  It hadn’t been easy for him to find his way back here with everything he had been through and everything  the people here had been through. She had lain in bed for so many nights, wondering what she could do or say to help him find his place here. She had wanted to help him, but she had also been worried that she was pushing more than Oliver or Mae could handle. She had felt helpless, so she hadn’t done anything but be there for Oliver if he needed her. Maybe she should have done more.

“I am so sorry, Oliver,” she whispered into his hair and tightened her arms around him.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Oliver said, his voice muffled against her skin.

His breath ghosted over the top of her chest and elicited goosebumps where it touched her. Felicity closed her eyes and lowered her head to kiss Oliver’s hair at the comfortable feeling. Oliver tightened his arms around her once more and took in a deep breath, pressing his nose against her skin to breathe her in. Eventually, he rested his head back to look at her and Felicity framed his face with her hands to gently wipe away the tears that had fallen.

“I have to apologize,” Oliver explained with hoarse voice. “I wanted to talk to you about this, but I didn’t want to have this discussion before Mae’s birthday. Then Tommy wouldn’t let go of the sugar-thing and I just freaked out. I don’t know what got into me. I… I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin Mae’s birthday or-“

“You didn’t ruin anything. You lost control,” Felicity told him, stroking her fingers through his short stubble. “I am not saying that it’s okay, but I understand where you were coming from… at least I think I do. You bottled up your frustration about the situation and let it out on Tommy. I need you to know that-“

Felicity stopped, feeling her body start to tremble slightly. She still didn’t like to talk about the time she had thought Oliver was dead. Since he was back, she felt so disconnected to that time and to herself during that time. It was still present within her though. She still felt the consequences of it. She just didn’t like to think about it. She wanted to leave that part of her life in the past and only look forward, to a life with Mae and Oliver.

Probably noticing her struggle for words, Oliver straightened up a little and kissed the underside of her jaw, making Felicity smile slightly. When he looked at her again, she saw the patience in his eyes that was telling her that she could take her time, and that he’d be there to listen when she’s ready.

“While you were… gone,” Felicity said after a moment, “I could barely talk about you. I just… everything hurt and I couldn’t… I just… I just couldn’t…”

Felicity felt tears springing to her eyes and quickly took in a deep breath to keep her emotions at bay. Oliver moved his hand against her lower back gently, just waiting for her to continue.

“Tommy did,” she continued eventually. “Tommy talked to Mae about you. She told her all kinds of stories. She was too young to understand, but at least that way you were in her life more than you would have been without him. I need you to know that Tommy didn’t want to take your place, he didn’t take your place.”

Oliver swallowed and nodded his head sadly. He looked guilty and Felicity knew that he did feel that way. Felicity stroked her hand through his short hair and grabbed a strand to gently tug his head back a little.

“Even if Tommy would have wanted to take your place, even if anyone would have wanted to take your place, they wouldn’t have been able to,” Felicity swore him quietly. “Nobody could have ever taken your place in my life or in Mae’s.”

“Are you sure?” Oliver asked. “Because I could swear Mae loves him as much as she used to love me.”

Felicity didn’t know what to say about that. Mae really loved Tommy a lot. He had been around so often and they knew each other so well. Of course, she loved him. The fact that she loved him, didn’t mean that he had taken Oliver’s place, though.

“I saw the gravestone,” Oliver said eventually. “Mae called it ‘dada’.”

“She… doesn’t understand what a dad is supposed to be,” Felicity whispered. “For her it’s just a word, not the concept of a father. I always said, ‘Let’s go visit daddy’ and… well… somehow ‘dada’ turned into the gravestone.”

Oliver nodded, lowering his gaze for a moment. When he looked back up at her, there were tears in his eyes again. It looked like he wanted to say something more, but eventually he just slumped his shoulders and took in a deep breath.

“And now?” he asked. “What do we do now?”

Felicity shrugged her shoulders. When she saw the disappointment in his eyes, telling her that he had hoped she would have a solution, Felicity bit down on her bottom lip and asked, “Is there anything I can do to help you with Mae? Really, I want to help, but… I just don’t know how. So, please, if there is anything I can do, tell me.”

“Can we please just sit down and make a list of everything I should know about Mae?” Oliver asked. “I need to know what rules there are for her, what she is allowed to do and not allowed to do. I… I need to know everything. I think I feel safer when I know that I can’t do anything wrong or break any rules.”

“Oliver, I might not have made it clear because maybe I thought it was obvious,” Felicity replied firmly, “but the rules there are for Mae are the ones we make for her. In the past year I made the rules for her, but you are back now and you are her dad. You have just as many rights as I do. You and I make the rules for her, so how about instead of sitting down, so I can tell you everything, we sit down to make the decisions together?”

Oliver smiled. “I would like that.”

“Yeah, I would like that, too,” Felicity replied and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her forehead against his. “We will make it somehow.”

“Yes, we will,” Oliver whispered back.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a tight embrace for a long moment. Felicity ducked her head a little to press her nose against the side of his neck and breathed him in.

“Thank you,” he whispered after a while, not letting go of her, “for not giving up on me.”

“Never,” Felicity whispered. She rubbed her hand over his back for some time, just enjoying being so close to him. She had been very worried about him after this afternoon. She had thought the year away and all the trauma must have finally caught up to him more than they did in his nightmares. She was relieved that it seemed like it wasn’t as bad as she had feared. Wrapped up in his embrace,  she whispered, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Oliver replied almost immediately, but Felicity didn’t miss the beat of hesitation.

She slid back on his thighs a little, so she could look at him. Nibbling on her bottom lip, she just watched him for a long moment, not saying a word. Oliver lifted his hand to free her bottom lip from her teeth with a swift swipe of his thumb and Felicity cleared her throat.

“Do you think… do you think maybe going to therapy would help you?” she asked, rubbing her hand over his heart. “I mean you have been through so much and maybe that would help?”

Oliver looked at her quietly. She could see the struggle in his eyes as he was trying to find an answer. Finally, he released a long breath and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know.”

Felicity smiled comfortingly, framed his face with her hands and kissed him gently. She nuzzled his nose for a moment before she pulled back more.

“We don’t need to decide about this now,” Felicity suggested. “I’ll go grab a washcloth, so you can ice your face and the knuckles of your hands a little and then we should go to bed. This day has been exhausting.”

Oliver nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Pecking his lips one last time, Felicity slid off his lap and strolled towards the bathroom door to get him a washcloth. She had just reached the door when Oliver called out to her.

“Felicity?”

“Hm?” she made, turning around to look at Oliver, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, looking back at her over his shoulder.

“I know I still owe you a talk about everything that has happened.”

Felicity smiled gently. “You tell me when you’re ready.”

“I will be,” Oliver promised, “one day… one day soon hopefully.”

“I know you will,” Felicity assured him with another smile. “I’ll be waiting.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I think I need to apologize first for kind of snapping at you at the beginning of the last chapter. The responses I got were all so lovely. I just had had a really bad day and everything was too much and I remembered the harsh reactions to some other storylines/stories and took it out on you. I am really grateful you all understood why the last chapter happened. :)
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this one. It's the long overdue talk between Oliver and Felicity. They will both reveal things they have been through that they haven't talked out yet and I think it will give you and them a deeper understanding. 
> 
> Enjoy!

When Oliver stepped out of the bathroom, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips and the white shirt fitting tightly around his chest, Felicity looked up from her laptop and smiled at him. She quickly saved the algorithm she had just been working on and shut down her laptop, moving it to her nightstand. She glanced at her alarm and realized that she had lost track of time completely.

Oliver crawled onto the mattress next to her, mimicking her position with his back resting against the headboard of the bed. He put an arm around Felicity’s shoulders and pulled her close until she was snuggled up to his side and Felicity put her left leg between Oliver’s, resting her hand on his heart. His fingers found hers, lacing through them, as he kissed her temple.

For a long moment, neither of them said a word. They just stayed quiet, enjoying the moment of being so close to each other. Felicity turned her head a little, pressing her nose against Oliver’s neck and breathing him in. Sometimes, when having him back still felt so terribly unreal to her, she breathed him in and the scent of his skin reminded her that it was real and Oliver was here after all.

It had been weeks now, yet sometimes it still felt so unreal to her. She didn’t know if it would ever feel real to her, if she would ever wake up and her first thought wouldn’t be one of fear that it had all been a dream. She hoped it would, but she wasn’t sure.

“Do you think we should text your mom and ask if everything is alright?” Oliver asked after a while, his thumb stroking over the back of her hand nervously. “I know your mom can handle Mae, but maybe we should just check?”

Felicity angled her head back a little to look in Oliver’s eyes. He looked nervous, a worried frown on his forehead. Smiling, Felicity smoothed the wrinkles with the tips of her fingers. Oliver smiled at that, catching her hand and kissing the palm.

“We can check on her if you want to, but my mom really has it handled,” Felicity told him. “I am sure she and Quentin chased her around the garden all afternoon and she fell asleep right after, if not during, dinner.”

The right corner of his lips tugged upwards slightly as he envisioned the scene in his head. After a moment, he took in a deep breath and then released it with a low sigh. Turning his head, he kissed her forehead and finally whispered, “I guess it’s okay then.”

Smiling, Felicity kissed his collarbone through his shirt and snuggled her cheek against his shoulder. With a low sigh of her own, she closed her eyes.

Her mother had bugged her for weeks about barely spending any time with Mae, so Felicity had finally given in and let Mae sleep over at her mom’s and Quentin’s place. With Sara and Nyssa being around, too, she knew Mae would have a great time. She would be wonderfully spoilt by them and given that they would soon have to go back to Boston, she felt Mae should spend a little more time with her grandparents and aunts as long. Besides, not having Mae around allowed Felicity to talk to Oliver without any interruptions.

“I talked to Laurel today,” Felicity began, keeping her eyes on their linked fingers over Oliver’s heart. “She was visiting Quentin when I dropped Mae at my mom’s.”

Felicity felt it was better to approach this subject carefully and if the way the stroking movements of Oliver’s thumbs on the back of her hand was any indication, she was right. It had been almost two weeks since Mae’s birthday and the terrible encounter between Oliver and Tommy. The friends hadn’t talked to each other since. Felicity had avoided talking about it because she had wanted to give Oliver the time he needed until he was ready.

“So?” Oliver asked quietly.

“She is planning a little party for her birthday next weekend and asked if we wanted to come,” Felicity replied. She lifted her gaze for a moment to look at Oliver’s face. He didn’t look back at her, though, but kept his eyes on their linked fingers “It’s not going to be a big occasion, just a couple of people hanging out together.”

“She’s your sister, so you should definitely go,” Oliver told her.

Felicity puckered her lips and though she knew the answer, she asked, “But you aren’t coming with me?”

Oliver didn’t reply for a while, so Felicity turned her head to look at him once more. His eyes were still focused on their hands, the expression on his face strained. Felicity squeezed his hand gently and eventually Oliver lifted his gaze to look at her.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Oliver explained. “With the way things between Tommy and me are right now, I don’t want Laurel’s birthday to be awkward, and I think it’s more important for her to have her boyfriend there than her sister’s boyfriend, so…”

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, looking back at their hands to avoid her eyes. Felicity bit down on her tongue and rested her cheek back against his shoulder, looking at where her toes snuck under the leg of Oliver’s sweatpants and stroked up and down his heel.

She wished there was anything she could do to help the situation. Oliver and Tommy had always been best friends. The only time their friendship had been threatened had been when Tommy had found out that Oliver had kept his relationship with Felicity and her pregnancy a secret from him. Oliver had suffered from the loss of his friend then and he suffered it now, even if he might not admit it as openly as Felicity thought he should.

On the other hand, Felicity understood the depth of the trouble between them. Oliver felt out of place or like his place in the family was being threatened by Tommy. Felicity wished she had seen it earlier, so she could have intervened though she didn’t really know what she could have done to help the tension between the boys. She couldn’t have kicked Tommy out of their life after everything he had done for her and Mae while Oliver had been away. Maybe she should have asked him to be a little more sensitive towards Oliver, though, and maybe she could have explained to Oliver why Tommy was so involved in their lives. The friends had always teased each other, but maybe the subject had been too sensitive for teasing.

“You go to that birthday party,” Oliver suggested after a while, “and I will stay here and take care of Mae. I think it’s good if I spend more time with her, especially now that we’ve set up all the ground rules for her and you told me everything I need to know. I guess there isn’t much I can do wrong now, at least I hope so.”

Felicity propped her head up onto her hand to look at Oliver. He gave her a halfhearted smile that didn’t reach his eyes. It almost looked like it caused him physical pain. Felicity put a hand to his cheek and swiped her thumb over his bottom lip. She smiled when Oliver puckered his lips and kissed her thumb.

“You are doing great with Mae,” she told him. “She just needs time to warm up to you more, and she will. Look how far you have come in the past few weeks already, and please don’t worry about doing anything wrong. Mae can’t be broken easily.”

Oliver took in a deep breath and nodded. With a long sigh, he scooted down in bed. Wrapping his arms around her, he rolled Felicity onto her back and snuggled up to her with his head resting on top of her breasts. Felicity smiled and stroked her fingers through his short hair, massaging his scalp. She kissed the top of his head and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his body snuggled up to hers.

Lying here with Oliver like this reminded her of when she had been pregnant. Whenever they had had the chance to see each other and steal themselves away from prying eyes that could have suspected anything going on between them. Spending quiet moments like these had been what they had always enjoyed most about being together, at least for Felicity it was like that.

“Felicity?” Oliver asked after a while, hesitation in his voice, and he tightened his arms around her to press himself closer to her.

“Hm?” Felicity asked, continuing to stroke her fingers through his hair.

“Can I ask you something?”

Felicity frowned. She knew that whatever Oliver wanted to ask, he felt uncomfortable about it and that unsettled her. There used to be a complete and utter trust in their relationship which had left no room for awkwardness, embarrassment or even hesitation. Just like with Mae, Felicity guessed that it would take time until everything between her and Oliver was really back to the way it used to be.

“Sure,” Felicity responded lightly.

Oliver hesitated for another second, his arms tightening around her once again, before he asked, “Is there anything going on between my mother and Walter Steele?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity answered honestly and pressed a gentle kiss to his hairline. When Oliver didn’t say anything more, she added, “After the Gambit went down, your mother was devastated. We all were, of course, but I think it had been particularly bad for her. She lost her husband and her son and unlike me she didn’t have a baby that forced her to get out of bed in the morning and keep on going. Thea was old enough to take care of herself, at least as much as you can expect from a girl her age. Moira didn’t leave her bed for weeks until my mom helped her put herself back together.”

Felicity felt a shiver running down the length of her spine. There had been a little part of her that had envied Moira for being able to just spend the days in bed and pull the blanket over her head because it had been what Felicity had wanted to do after losing Oliver, too. She had seen the pain it had caused Thea, though. Seeing her mother like that, especially given her own pain over losing her father and brother, had been almost unbearable for her and it had only strengthened Felicity to try and  keep herself together for Mae and for Thea.

“At some point,” Felicity continued eventually, “maybe four months after the Gambit went down, she started taking interest in matters of the company given it was your father’s legacy and she wanted to make sure it was taken care of. She and Walter worked together to help the company out of the crisis your father’s death had caused. I think taking care of Queen Consolidated gave your mother a reason to get out of bed in the morning and a way to be close to Robert despite everything that had happened. She spent more and more time with Walter, though, and I do think they’ve gone out to dinner together a couple of times.”

Felicity had felt like maybe the friendship between the two was slowly growing to something more. Since she felt like that was something that only concerned Moira and Walter, Felicity hadn’t asked any further questions or said anything about it, especially since she had felt like Moira was trying to avoid talking about it.

“Does Thea know?” Oliver asked.

“I’m not sure,” Felicity answered. “Walter has been here for dinner once or twice. She seems to like him, but maybe that was just because she was relieved to see her mother back in a happier place. Losing Robert and you has already been hard on her, but I guess seeing her mother living like a ghost has only made it worse. Walter couldn’t replace your father, even if he had tried to, but he could help your mother heal.”

People mourned in different ways and Felicity suggested that one of the reasons Moira hadn’t talked to her about Walter despite their good relationship was that Felicity had been quite opposed to the idea of dating someone new. She had just been unable to see any other man at her side. Without Oliver, she hadn’t wanted anyone in her life. Maybe, if he hadn’t returned, she might have eventually met someone new and fallen in love and moved on. It had just been too soon for her yet. She didn’t blame Moira for finding someone sooner, though. Maybe if she had already found someone who she would have fallen for, she would have started something new. She didn’t really know if that had really been possible, but she couldn’t say that it was completely impossible, either.

“I know your father has only been dead for a year,” Felicity whispered, “and I probably only know a fraction of your pain and what seeing your mother move on has to mean for you. Your mother is too young to throw her life away and live alone for the next fifty years, though. Maybe it seems to be too soon to move on, but I think she has the right to move on. I believe that Robert wanted her to be happy and he wanted her to find someone who’s good to her, Thea and you. I do believe Walter is that kind of person. He respects your father and what he meant to your mom and Thea and you.”

Felicity believed from the bottom of her heart that this was true. It had been Walter’s idea to call the Queen Consolidated Applied Science Division after Robert to honor his work. It had also been his idea to include Moira in the decisions regarding the company. Walter cared for this family and not just because of Moira but because he and Robert had been friends and-

“My father killed himself.”

Oliver had whispered the words, but they had ripped through the silence in the room like a screech. Felicity felt her breath getting stuck in her throat as time seemed to stand still for a long moment. The words echoed through Felicity’s mind over and over again and the longer she heard them in her thoughts, the less sense they seemed to make. She felt the need to look into his face, but Oliver kept his head on her chest, his face turned away from her.

“What?” she asked in a whisper, thinking that she must have misunderstood him.

“My father killed himself,” Oliver repeated his words from before and they seemed to make even less sense now than they did before. “The night the Gambit went down, my father and I were able to save ourselves with a life raft. The captain helped us onto it, but he was ripped away by the water before he could get onto it with us.”

Felicity felt unable to breathe. With held breath, she listened to Oliver’s words. He had never talked to her about what had happened on the Gambit, at least not about the night when it had gone down or the year that had followed. She hadn’t wanted to pressure him.

“I don’t know how long we were on that raft. There was no sense of time,” Oliver continued after some time. “We only had  a little water and we needed to be careful not to use too much of it. I was so terribly thirsty and tired. And it was terribly cold.”

His voice broke and he took in a deep breath. Felicity swallowed down the big lump in her throat and cradled Oliver’s head to her chest like she could keep all those feelings away from him by holding him close to her.

“I don’t know how much time had passed when my father suddenly told me that there was only water enough for one of us to survive,” Oliver explained. “I wanted to disagree, but I was too tired and my throat was so dry that I could barely speak. I didn’t know what he was going to do. He just said that I was stronger than him and that I needed to make it home because of Mae. She was supposed to have memories of me like Thea was going to have memories of him. Then he pulled out a gun from his jacket. I- I screamed, but he- he shot himself.”

Felicity felt her stomach cramping painfully at the thought. She had thought losing Robert on the Gambit must have been hard, but this felt like it was a thousand times worse. Robert hadn’t just died. He had given up his life for Oliver, so that he could survive.

Oliver turned his head, resting his chin on Felicity’s chest and looking at her. His eyes were filled with tears, pain written in every part of his face. Felicity felt her heart breaking for him and put her hand to the side of his face. Oliver released a trembling breath, leaning his face into her touch. When a tear fell, she wiped it away with her thumb.

“My dad shot himself, so I could come home,” Oliver explained. “Thea lost her dad because he wanted Mae to have hers back.”

Felicity didn’t know what to say. She felt numb, unable to react in any way. She had known a lot of pain in her life, but this was something she felt she was unable to even comprehend. There had to be a thousand feelings in Oliver’s chest, all mixing with the others into a giant mess that was just too much for one person to handle.

“I was on that life raft with his dead body for days before I was stranded on the island they found me on,” Oliver told her. He took in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he explained, “The birds were starting to feed on his body.”

Again, Felicity felt a wave of nausea rising inside of her. Oliver’s body was shaking on top hers and she felt her hands tremble, too, when she stroked them up and down his back comfortingly. It felt like it was the one and only thing she could do as she was still unable to say a word.

“I buried him,” Oliver continued. “His body is still on the island.”

Felicity nodded slowly. Of course, his body was still there. Oliver couldn’t have told anyone about what had happened. He could barely tell her now, so how could he have told anyone else before?

“The island,” Oliver went on and sucked in another deep breath, “was pure hell. I- I can’t talk about everything that happened there, not yet at least, and-“

“It’s okay,” Felicity whispered reassuringly. It must have been hard for him to tell her about all of this already. There was no reason to push him even more than he already was. He was opening up to her and that meant a lot to her. “You don’t have to tell me now.”

Oliver lowered his head to kiss the top of her breast for a moment. He breathed in the scent of her skin before he rested his chin back on her chest to look at her. His eyes left her face for a couple of seconds as he gathered himself. Eventually, he looked back at her again, taking in another deep breath.

“I was tortured there,” he stated with a surprisingly firm voice as if he needed to say it out loud to believe it himself, “and nothing good happened there, absolutely nothing good. All I wanted was to come home, so things could go back to the way they were. Now I am back and everything is different.”

“I’m sorry.”

Oliver smiled at her sadly, turning his head to kiss the palm of her hand. When he snuggled his cheek back into her touch, he shook his head. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You did everything you could and had to do to keep life going on for you and for Mae. I am relieved that you found a way to live on despite your pain. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It’s just weird being back and feeling… redundant.”

“You are not redundant,” Felicity told him with a firm voice that left no room for objection. “You are indispensable and irreplaceable in our lives.”

Oliver held her gaze for a long moment before he lowered his gaze, looking at a dimple at the side of her neck. “We both know that is not really true.”

“Oliver-“

“That’s not meant as a reproach,” Oliver stated, looking at her sincerely. “People are replaceable and that also makes them expendable. My mom is replacing my dad with Walter, maybe not yet, but someday. Tommy replaced me for Mae and-“

“He didn’t replace you in her life,” Felicity interrupted him, shaking her head vehemently. She bit down on her bottom lip for a moment before she explained, “I think he actually filled the void your alleged death had left with her. She was supposed to replace you for him, not the other way around.”

Oliver looked at her for a couple of seconds, not saying a word. Then he released a sigh and rested his head back on her chest, his ear pressing to her heart.

“I am not sure about that,” he whispered with a sigh.

Felicity held him to her tightly, keeping him close and warm in her arms. If Robert had really given up his life to give Oliver the opportunity to return home to Mae, then it had to be even worse for him to see Tommy with Mae. It must have felt like he had taken Thea’s dad for Mae to have one, only that she had already had someone who was a father figure for her. Of course, Felicity felt like that wasn’t true. Tommy could have never replaced Mae and Oliver wasn’t responsible for Robert’s death. She could see why he would blame himself, though.

She still felt rattled and in shock about everything he had told her. Given the piece of himself he had shared with her, she felt it was time to share a piece of herself with him, too.

“I thought I was pregnant.”

The words bubbled out of her before Felicity could have stopped herself or even taken a second to think about how to phrase them or how to tell him with a little more sensitivity. Oliver’s head snapped upwards at her words, his eyes finding hers immediately and looking at her intently, causing the rest of what Felicity wanted to say to die on her lips. 

“What?” he asked urgently, his eyes never leaving her.

Felicity felt her hands tremble slightly and she clenched her fingers around his shirt tightly before she explained, “It had been six or seven weeks after the Gambit went down when I realized that I was late on my period, like really late. After Mae, we had always been extra careful, but I guessed that accidents could happen nonetheless. I made an appointment with the doctor, but it turned out it was only stress that caused me to be late.”

Oliver continued to look at her intently. It was like his eyes wanted to look right into her soul. Felicity felt unable to continue with the way he was looking at her.

“I never told anyone about this,” Felicity added eventually, releasing a nervous chuckle. She looked away to take a deep breath before she looked back at him again. “I didn’t even tell you because I thought that maybe it wasn’t that important. There was no baby after all. I didn’t want to… I don’t know what I wanted. I just feel that I should tell you now.”

Oliver nodded slowly, unable to say anything. Eventually, he rested his head back on top her breasts and snuggled up to her. Neither of them said a word, letting the stories they had told each other settle. It took a while until Felicity felt able to let go of Oliver’s shirt and stroke her hands up and down his back again instead.

“The other reason why I told you,” Felicity broke the silence and Oliver turned his head to look at her again, “is because I think the way I felt when I thought I was pregnant in some way confirms my thoughts on why Tommy tried so hard with Mae. If you are okay with me telling you.”

Oliver nodded quickly, whispering, “Sure.”

Felicity took in a deep breath, gathering her thoughts and considering the best way to explain what she had been going through.

“When I thought I was pregnant, I was so happy at first,” Felicity explained, smiling reverently at the memory. “I felt like having another baby meant having more of you here with me despite you being gone. I didn’t want to let go of you, so I was clinging to every piece of you that I could grasp and I felt like Mae and this new baby were bringing me closer to you. It was like pieces of you were still there with me and that was something I was looking forward to.”

Oliver smiled sadly. His fingers spread over her lower back, dispersing some comforting warmth. Felicity took in a deep breath when she felt tears springing to her eyes. She released the air from her lungs slowly, trying to get a hold on her emotions. It had been so long since she had last thought about this and telling Oliver about this when she had for so long thought she would never see him again wasn’t making it any easier.

“So you were sad when it turned out you weren’t?” Oliver asked.

“For a moment, yes,” Felicity replied, nodding her head. “I was disappointed and sad and a million other things I can barely put into words. When I was back home, Mae was crying and I suddenly realized that it was better that way. Having one baby so early had been crazy, having two would have killed me, especially after losing you. At the end of the day, it was better the way it was, for me, for Mae and for the baby that would have been. It just wasn’t the right time.”

“I guess you’re right,” Oliver nodded, giving her a sad, half-hearted smile. He took one of her hands from the back of his head and kissed the palm. Then he laced his fingers through hers and kept her hand close to his chest. He sighed quietly before he said, “We both have been through alot in the past year.”

“And we didn’t have it exactly easy before, either,” Felicity replied.

Since she had moved to Starling with her mother a couple of years ago, her life had been ongoing drama. Admittedly, she had caused a not so small amount of the drama herself because of insecurities and whatever else. She had certainly grown from everything that had happened in the last few years – teenage pregnancy, becoming a mother, starting college while raising a baby, losing Oliver and becoming a single mother – but it had without any doubt been the hardest way of learning.

She sighed and squeezed Oliver’s hand. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people and I hope that is what we are. Good people, I mean.”

Oliver looked at her for a moment longer before he lowered his gaze. “I am not so sure about that, at least not regarding myself.”

Felicity frowned. “What do you mean?”

They had gone over to whispering like everything they said filled them with shame and shouldn’t be heard by anyone but each other. Since they were sharing secrets, opening up to each other more than they had since Oliver had been back, the whispered voices created an appropriate atmosphere it seemed.

“When I was on the island, I had a lot of time to think. Between torture and trying to escape, sometimes there were moments that I was left all alone with my thoughts. In the few moments that they didn’t revolve around missing Mae and you or praying for a chance to get back to you, sometimes I thought about why this happened to me,” Oliver explained, still avoiding eye contact. “I wondered if maybe it was karma.”

“Karma?” Felicity asked, her frown deepening. “Why would it-“

“After everything that happened before the Gambit, the parties and lies and the forgotten dates, I figured-“

“It was one lie and one forgotten date, Oliver,” Felicity interrupted him, shaking her head, “and even if it had been a thousand of each of them, it wouldn’t have been bad enough to earn you even a fraction of what you have been through.”

Oliver looked at her with sad eyes. “I don’t know.”

“I know it for the two of us,” Felicity stated firmly.

The corner of Oliver’s mouth tugged upwards slightly, forming a small and hardly convincing smile. “You have always seen the best in me.”

He pressed his nose to the top of her breast to breathe her in once more. Then he sighed and snuggled his cheek to her chest. His stubble scratched her soft skin gently and the way Felicity had always enjoyed so much. She cradled his head to her and stroked her fingers through his short hair.

Felicity had always had trouble with self-consciousness. After her father had left, she had felt like she just wasn’t worth enough. It was why she had rejected things that she had wanted. She had felt like she hadn’t deserved them.  It was because of her own problems that it it had taken her a while to see that Oliver had similar problems. His father hadn’t left, but they had had a strained relationship for most of his life and it had affected the way Oliver had seen himself, too.

Of course, Oliver’s and Robert’s relationship had gotten better since Robert had learned that Oliver was going to be a father. There had been enough other things to affect Oliver’s self-consciousness, though, and Felicity felt like the island had done a huge part in that, too.

When her fingers felt some hardened tissue under Oliver’s left shoulder blade, Felicity bit down on her bottom lip. Oliver tensed on top of her, so Felicity quickly went back to stroking her hand up and down his back until he melted back against her, his body relaxing.

Since the evening that she had seen his scars and hurt him with her reaction, they hadn’t tried being intimate again. They kissed and cuddled. Felicity had even felt like she wanted more and she was sure it was the same for Oliver, but they hadn’t tried again. Things had been complicated enough as they had been, so Felicity guessed they had both decided to give it some more time before they tried again.

Oliver moved his cheek along the top of Felicity’s breasts, releasing a long breath that ghosted over Felicity’s skin in the most delicious way. He kissed the skin right over her collarbone before he asked, “What are you thinking about?”

Felicity rested her hand against his cheek and applied some gentle pressure until Oliver turned his head and put his chin to her chest to meet her eyes. Smiling at him gently, Felicity stroked her fingers against the side of his face a few moments longer.

“I was wondering if you would let me see your scars again,” Felicity replied.

She could see the hesitation in his eyes and she felt his urge to pull away from her and put some distance between them. Felicity kept him close to her, though, looking at him with an expression in her face that she hoped left no room for objection. They had just opened up to each other so much, coming clean about their feelings, that she didn’t want to take a step back now. It must have been convincing enough for Oliver because he stopped every attempt to pull away and stayed where he was, even if he was far from being relaxed.

“I am not sure-“

“I wasn’t prepared the last time,” Felicity explained. “I knew that you must have been through alot, but I couldn’t really understand how bad it really must have been and it actually scared me when it hit me so unprepared. I doubt that I will ever really understand it, but I think I understand it better now. Will you please give me another chance?”

Oliver didn’t reply immediately. He scrutinized her face, looking for any sign of doubt or hesitation. Felicity waited patiently, just looking back at him. She gave Oliver the time he needed to decide. After all, it was a big step for him to reveal that part, that was connected to the island, to her.

Eventually, Oliver nodded. He wrapped both of his arms around her and rolled them around, so he was sitting on the mattress with her on his lap. Felicity straightened up a little, scooting back onto the middle of his thighs to give him some room. Oliver gave her a look, silently asking if she was sure that she wanted to see them and Felicity nodded, smiling at him encouragingly. Taking in a deep breath, Oliver took off his shirt and threw it to the floor carelessly. He rested his hands on the mattress, his fingers moving over the sheets nervously, and he avoided her gaze.

Felicity didn’t lower her gaze to his chest yet. Instead she put her hands to Oliver’s face, cupping his cheeks, and angled his head back until he lifted his gaze and locked eyes with her. He looked shy, something she hadn’t seen often on Oliver, but he didn’t turn his gaze away from her again.

“I love you,” Felicity whispered, stroking her thumbs along his cheekbones.

Oliver released a strangled sound, a mixture of a sob and a chuckle. “I love you, too.”

Smiling, Felicity leaned forward and captured his lips with hers in a gentle kiss. Their lips stayed closed, but they lingered against each other for a long moment and when they parted, they stayed close. Felicity’s tongue darted out to wet her lips and chase Oliver’s taste on them. The tip of her tongue touched Oliver’s bottom lip as she did so, and it elicited a soft sigh from him.

As much as Felicity was tempted to just lean forward and melt against Oliver to kiss him again, longer and more passionately this time, she felt there was something else that just had to be done before they could move any futher. She looked at Oliver intently, asking his permission without saying a word, and only when he nodded, did Felicity lower her gaze to his chest.

When she had first seen the scars, she had been too distracted by the two large ones, the one on his shoulder and the one right over his abs. She could now see all the details now with him being so close. There were more scars on his body, some so small like  papercuts and then there were larger ones in all shapes and forms it seemed.

Oliver had told her he had been tortured and Felicity couldn’t even dare to think about what exactly that meant, at least not now. She lifted her gaze to Oliver’s face, finding his eyes focused on her intently. When she lifted her hand and brought it closer to his body, she cocked her head slightly and Oliver nodded, understanding that she wanted to make sure he was okay with it.

She put her fingertips against the scar on his shoulder. The skin felt hardened there and a little rough. She traced the outline of the scar before she danced the fingers over the scarred tissue once more.

“Does it hurt?” she asked, lifting her gaze to look into Oliver’s face.

He shook his head. “Not anymore.”

Felicity shot him a small smile, hoping it would comfort him a little. She lowered her gaze once more, stroking her fingertips down his chest to the other large scar and examined it just as carefully as the first.

She bit down on her bottom lip, keeping her face down. Oliver swiped his thumb over her bottom lip to free it from her teeth and he put his fingers under her chin to lift her gaze.

“What?” he asked gently, cocking his head.

“I wish I could say anything,” Felicity explained, “but I have no idea what to say and that means alot coming from me.”

At least that made Oliver smile causing Felicity to smile, too. She put her hand to his shoulder and just looked at him. He wasn’t fully relaxed, but he wasn’t as tense as she had feared he would be.

“I will tell you the stories behind the scars someday,” Oliver stated quietly, “but I am not ready for that yet. I need more time.”

“Take all the time you need,” Felicity whispered. “There is no rush.”

She and Oliver smiled at each other for a moment before Felicity leaned forward and kissed the scar on his shoulder gently while her fingers were dancing along the scar over his abs slowly. She felt Oliver sucking in a deep breath. Keeping her lips against his skin, she shot a look at his face. Oliver was looking at her, his pupils blown wide and an expression in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long time.

Oliver put his hands to her hips and pulled her closer. Felicity straightened up as he did so, putting her arms around his neck and melting against him. She nuzzled his nose, taking in a deep breath, and Oliver pressed a soft and lingering kiss to her lips. When their lips parted, Oliver kept her hips against him, stroking his warm hands up and down the outsides of her thighs.

“Do you want to…?” he asked, bringing his lips closer to hers without kissing her.

Felicity opened her eyes, seeing the need in his eyes and it sent a jolt of pleasure right through her core. She didn’t hesitate and nodded vehemently.

“Yes,” Felicity replied breathlessly. “Yes, absolutely.”

Oliver didn’t need to be reassured twice. After their soul striptease, it seemed to be about time to reunite in every other way, too. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Though their lips moved quickly, their tongues battling for dominance, the kiss was gentle. It just revealed how much they had missed the physical intimacy.

They continued kissing, their hands exploring the other’s body. Clothes came off and were thrown carelessly. Oliver rolled them over and kissed down Felicity’s body, rediscovering every inch of her skin with his lips, his tongue and his teeth. She squirmed under him, trying to get her body even closer to his lips.

When their lips met again, Felicity put a leg around his hips and pressed it against his body until Oliver rolled them back around. Felicity gave him the same caress he had given her. She kissed and licked his scars, hearing Oliver whisper her name in a way that revealed how much he needed and wanted her confirmed to her that what she was doing was right.

It wasn’t long until they joined their bodies. For a long moment, they just stopped moving to look at each other, really look at each other, and honor the rediscovered intimacy. Then their bodies moved in perfect sync with each other. They moved together slowly, rocking against each other without any hurry. The need they had both felt before was still there and this moment reinforced emotional connection.

As much as they tried to just take their time and prolong their bliss for as long as possible, neither of them wanting it to end too soon, it had been such a long time since they had last been together and that proved to have an effect on their time together now. They needed more, so their movements grew quicker and more desperate.

They held each other close and locked eyes when the pleasure washed over both of them. Eventually, their lips met in another gentle kiss. They lay down on the mattress next to each other, their their foreheads pressed together. Their lips brushed against each other’s in gentle kiss every once in awhile.

“I missed this,” Felicity whispered, nuzzling his nose. “I really missed this.”

Oliver chuckled, pulling the blanket higher over them. He traced her spine with his fingertips when he answered, “ I missed this, too. I missed you.”

She put her hands to his cheeks and kissed him once more, tracing the seam between his lips with her tongue. Oliver opened up to her and their tongues met in a slow dance. Felicity pressed herself closer to Oliver’s body, seeking the warmth of his skin, and he tightened his arms around her body in response.

When their lips parted, they smiled at each other contently. Felicity knew there was no denying that the evening had brought back a sense of contentment between them that had been overshadowed for the time that they hadn’t been able to trust and see each other completely.

“I am glad you told me about the Gambit and the island,” Felicity added after a moment.

“It felt good to tell you,” Oliver replied. He sighed and smiled at her. “I’m surprised, but really glad I got it off my chest and could tell you. I don’t want any secrets between us.”

“Well, it wasn’t really secrets,” Felicity told him and kissed his chin, “but I am glad we can be open with each other nonetheless.”

“Yeah,” Oliver whispered and kissed her forehead.

They stayed quiet for some time, not saying a word. Oliver continued to trace his fingers along her spine, and Felicity stroked her hand over his muscular chest. When Oliver stopped stroking her back and started combing her hair with his fingers instead, Felicity tilted her head to look at him.

“Everything alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Oliver replied, smiling and kissing her forehead. “I know that this evening was a large step forward for me and for us and whatever, but I know there is still a long way until… things will really calm down and… I don’t know.”

Felicity smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. We have all the time in the world and we will figure it out.”

Oliver nodded, smiling back at her nervously. “I have, however, thought about your suggestion.”

“My suggestion?” Felicity asked, cocking her head.

“Therapy,” Oliver replied.

“Oh.”

Felicity was more than surprised. She had felt she needed to suggest it because it was the most logical suggestion and the only thing she had felt she had been able to do. Admittedly, she hadn’t really thought he would ever seriously consider it, though. Oliver wasn’t really a person who liked to talked about his feelings.

“You want to go?” she asked.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe it could help. I am just not sure about when to go yet. I am not sure I am ready… or whether I should really do it actually.”

Felicity smiled gently. “No matter what you decide, I am on your side.”

“I know you are and I couldn’t be more grateful,” Oliver replied with a relieved smile and continued combing her hair with his fingers. “I was actually wondering if you’d come with me.”

Felicity’s smile widened and she squeezed his hand. “If that is what you want, sure.”

Oliver released a sigh. “Thanks.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” Felicity replied.

They smiled at each other for a moment longer before they sealed the decision with a gentle kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

“ _ The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round all through the town _ ,” Oliver sang, all the while continuing to walk up and down in the nursery. “ _ I don’t know other songs to sing, songs to sing, songs to sing. I don’t know other songs to sing _ , but they don’t seem to help anyway, so why do I try in the first place?”

With a deep sigh, Oliver stopped in his steps and looked at Mae. Her face was red, her cheeks wet from the tears that continued falling from her swollen eyes. Oliver cradled his daughter against his chest and combed her blonde curls with his fingers the way she had always liked it when she had still been a baby. His fingertips grazed her scalp as he did so, massaging it gently.

“What’s going on, Mae?” he asked her for the umpteenth time tonight, lowering his voice to a soft whisper that he hoped was soothing.

Mae just released a loud whine that didn’t really answer Oliver’s question and just made clear once more that there was something that was upsetting Mae. He wasn’t sure if he had really expected her to say anything that would help him calm her down, though. She was only two years old after all. Even if she could speak more than two- or three-word-sentences, he doubted that she would really know why she was crying.

“You have to be very tired,” Oliver whispered eventually. “Come on, let’s try laying you down in bed and see if you can fall back to sleep.”

He walked Mae to the crib and put her down on the mattress carefully. He kept a hand on her chest, making sure she would stay lying there and not get up again immediately. His fingers spread on her ribs, feeling the quick but strong beating of her heart. Mae’s cries softened a little as she just took in sniffling breaths and rubbed her little hands over her swollen eyes.

“You really are tired,” Oliver whispered with a soft smile. “You really just need to close your eyes and sleep. Everything is better after a few hours of sleep.”

He moved his fingertips along her ribs a little and immediately she released another long cry. Whatever quiet there had been before seemed to be gone again. Mae pushed Oliver’s fingers away from her chest and sat up. She rolled onto her tummy to get up on her knees and push herself up on her feet, holding onto the bars of the crib to do so. As soon as she was standing safely on her feet, she reached out her hands for Oliver, releasing another loud cry.

Sighing, Oliver rested his forearms on the grid and told Mae, “You are supposed to sleep, Mae. If I take you out of your bed, you won’t sleep. You won’t even stop crying. That is not going to help either of us.”

She really refused to stop crying. Oliver tried to avoid thinking that if it was Felicity trying to calm her down, Mae would probably be asleep already, the same if it was one of their mothers or Laurel or Thea. He knew very well that Felicity had troubles calming Mae down sometimes, too. She had told him that there were nights when Mae would just cry and yet there was nothing wrong with her. It was frustrating for everyone, but there wasn’t much to do about it. He had never seen that before, but he was now and he could feel how frustrating it was.

Mae released another cry, clawing her fingers into his forearm. She slammed her head against his arms forcefully like she was trying to hurt herself, releasing loud cries.

“Okay, come on,” Oliver hurried to say and lifted Mae out of her crib and into his arms. “Come on, let’s go to mommy’s and daddy’s room. Maybe you can catch some sleep there.”

Oliver strolled towards their bedroom, bouncing Mae up and down on his hip a little. It didn’t make her stop crying or soften her cries, though. She continued crying and slamming her head against Oliver’s shoulder now until he put a hand to the side of her face to keep her head rested against his body. She screeched, dissatisfied, but Oliver didn’t let go, afraid she was going to hurt herself.

When they arrived in his and Felicity’s bedroom, he went right to the bed and sat down on the mattress, scooting back to the middle of the bed. Only then did he let go of Mae and she rolled off him. With her arms lying over her eyes and her legs kicking the mattress, she continued crying.

Oliver pressed his lips together. Not for the first time tonight did he consider calling Felicity to ask her to come back. He didn’t want to ruin the fun she probably had on her sister’s birthday, though, and even more importantly, he didn’t want to call her and admit defeat. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that just yet.

He and Mae had come so far. Their relationship wasn’t back to the way it had been before he had gone missing, but it was so much better than a couple of weeks ago. He and Mae had grown closer together since Oliver felt safer around her and actually got to spend time alone with her. Mae was still shy around him sometimes, but she accepted his presence and his attention more than she did before, even if she never actively sought it.

Once more tonight, Oliver put his hand to Mae’s forehead and checked for a temperature. When he couldn’t feel any unusual warmth, he leaned over and kissed her forehead like he had always done when she had been teething and had had a temperature. Yet her forehead just felt normal to him. Part of him wanted to take her temperature again like he had done earlier tonight already, but he just knew that it wouldn’t get them anywhere.

He knew that Mae wasn’t sick. The problem was that he didn’t know what else was wrong with her. She hadn’t had much sugar today, so it couldn’t be an overdose that had her hyped and then overtired. She wasn’t hungry and he had already changed her diaper, though there had been no need for that either. She had even slept for an hour or two after Felicity had put her to bed, but then she had woken up and started crying for what seemed like no reason. She had even started crying before she had realized that it wasn’t her mother who was taking care of her.

Oliver felt like this was one of those nights that Felicity had talked about when Mae just refused to let herself be calmed down because he had done whatever he felt he could have done, but nothing had helped. He had sung her every song that had come to his mind, from popular pop songs to the usual children’s songs. He had danced with her in her room, swirling her around slowly. He had told her stories, speaking with different voices to make it realer and funnier for her. He had also made sure she had her pink octopus and told her that if the octopus slept, then she had to, too. All those things had worked before the island, but none of them had helped today. Mae had just continued to cry.

A part of him wished Raisa, his mom or even Thea was here, but they had all gone out tonight. God, he would even be grateful for Tommy in this moment. As much as he didn’t want to admit that apparently he wasn’t able to calm Mae down, he also didn’t want her to continue crying. At least if someone else was here, he’d be able to share his frustration and worry about her crying.

Oliver knelt down next to Mae and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to get a clear head. He needed to think about something else to try. He wanted to make sure that he had pressed every button before he would call Felicity and he would call her if Mae didn’t stop crying soon. He didn’t want to worry that maybe he was missing something that was wrong with her that was causing her to cry.

“Mae?” Oliver asked, but the little girl didn’t react. “Mae, do you want to sleep here in mommy’s bed tonight?”

“No!” Mae sobbed under her arms. “Mae no sleep.”

At least she was talking to him now, Oliver thought to himself. She hadn’t said a word since she had woken up and started crying three hours ago, so maybe that was a good sign. He still couldn’t hold back the low sigh at her rejection. He felt helpless.

“We will just try to sleep, okay?” Oliver suggested.

Mae just whined at that, but Oliver didn’t know what else there was to try. Maybe when he switches the light off and tugs the blanket over her, she would feel comfortable and eventually fall asleep. A part of him doubted that that was true given that it hadn’t worked in her own bed, but he needed to hold on to the hope that maybe Felicity’s scent on her pillows would help their daughter calm down and fall asleep.

He knew that Felicity would just lie Mae down in her crib and sit next to her all night if she didn’t stop crying. Oliver didn’t feel able to not try whatever came to his mind to calm her down, though. Maybe sleeping here would help. He remembered that Mae had always loved sleeping between Felicity and him when she had been a baby. He even remembered the first night Mae had slept in their bed. Oliver hadn’t dared to close his eyes, afraid he would fall asleep, roll onto Mae and crush her little body with his weight. He smiled softly at the memory.

“Daddy is going to get a few of your binkies, okay?” he asked Mae then.

Mae didn’t answer. Oliver puckered his lips, considering if he should carry her with him because he wasn’t sure if he could leave her alone when she was crying like this. Sometimes her sobs sounded like she was gasping for breath and he didn’t want to leave her alone and feel lonely even if he was only gone for a couple of seconds.

Eventually, he decided that he just had to hurry and leave her here. With quick steps, he went back to her nursery and grabbed some of the pacifiers from Mae’s crib. He was already halfway out of the nursery again when he saw the pink octopus sitting on the changing table. He quickly grabbed it and brought it with him.

“Hey, sweetie,” Oliver said gently as he crawled back onto the bed next to her. “I’ve got your binkies. Do you want a binkie?”

He held out the handful of pacifiers, but Mae was too caught up in her crying to even cast a glance in their direction. Oliver sighed once more and took the pink octopus. He moved the soft plush against Mae’s forearms, trying to make her smile like on that first evening back in the mansion. She grabbed the toy and pressed it to her face. She cried into the fabric instead of smiling, though.

Oliver pressed his lips together. He really had no idea what else to do. A few weeks ago, he would have already given up and asked Felicity to come back. He certainly was frustrated and rattled by this situation now, but he wasn’t as panicked as he had been the first time je was alone with a crying Mae. He had probably gotten used to it again like he had gotten used to it after she was born. It didn’t mean he had to like that his daughter had been crying for hours now because he didn’t like it at all.

Oliver tried to think about anything that had calmed him down whenever he had felt he needed it, but the only thing that came to his mind was Felicity. Having her by his side and being able to rest his head on her chest and listen to the beat of her heart had calmed him down whenever he had needed it in the last months since he had returned and panic attacks had been almost like a routine to him. The only other thing he could think of was sports and that was even less of a possibility.

Lying down on the mattress next to Mae, he turned his head to look at her. He knew that if there was nothing he could do to calm her down, he should probably just switch off the light and try to catch some sleep. Eventually Mae would pass out from exhaustion and he could catch some sleep, too. He just couldn’t get himself to do so, even if he had thought it was a good idea less than five minutes ago. He wanted to actively do something to help Mae calm down rather than just passively wait for it to pass.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Oliver thought about what Felicity would need to calm down. If his habits didn’t offer any help, maybe hers did. Coding came to his mind, but as soon as the idea was there, he discarded it again since there was no way he could even show Mae how to code. That was Felicity’s thing.

It was that last thought that made Oliver open his eyes and look at Mae. He wasn’t sure if he finally had an idea that would work out, but he definitely had one that he felt was worth trying. If his ways of calming down and Felicity’s ways of calming down didn’t work, maybe the way they had found together would.

“Mae,” Oliver whispered, moving a little closer to her. She didn’t show any reaction, so Oliver just pulled her against his chest and sat up with her in his arms. Scooting to the edge of the bed, so he could get up, he told her, “You and daddy will make a little trip to one of mommy’s and daddy’s favorite places in the world now. Maybe that will help you relax and stop crying.”

When Felicity pushed at the door to the Aquarium, she was surprised to actually be able to open it. She guessed she shouldn’t be surprised that Oliver had found a way to get into the Aquarium in the middle of the night, on a Saturday no less. The Queens were a famous and influential family here in Starling City after all and they had saved the Aquarium from getting closed last year, too. Getting someone out to open the Aquarium for them or getting them to give them the keys for a night probably just took them one short phone call and a little bit of money.

Felicity stood in the dark hall for a long moment, looking into the hallways on both sides of her. Oliver had just texted her that they were at the Aquarium, not where exactly she would find them. The facility was spacious, so she might have to search for hours until she found them. Puckering her lips, Felicity followed her instincts and followed the signs to the tank where the octopus resided.

Back when they had still been in high school, Oliver and Felicity had met here often. It had been the perfect place because apart from some retirees and some kindergarten classes, there had never been a lot of visitors there. Hence, it had been the perfect place for a couple who had wanted to keep their relationship a secret. Besides, watching the fish had helped both of them, Oliver and Felicity, to calm down when the occasional panic of becoming parents had taken over. Felicity shook her head, realizing how far away all of those memories felt.

She wasn’t the seventeen-year-old teenager anymore that had been scared of being abandoned or the subject of everyone else’s talk. She couldn’t understand how she had been able to ask him to keep their relationship a secret back then. It all seemed so long ago. After one year of living without Oliver and suffering from his absence, not keeping him as close as possible to her felt like the weirdest thing. It felt like something she wouldn’t do.

Felicity continued to follow the signposts through the building. One of the reasons why she and Oliver had always met at the octopus tank had been because the tank was far in the back of the building, almost hidden in the rearmost corner. The quiet and privacy there had appealed to them.

As Felicity came around the last corner now and the tank finally came into sight, she stopped at what she saw. Oliver was standing in front of the tank, dressed in sweatpants and a green hoodie. Mae was sitting on his hip, one of her tiny hands clawed into his hoodie at his shoulder while the other was holding onto her pink octopus. Together they watched the octopus.

Mae held her plush octopus in front of her and looked from the toy to the real octopus and back. Then she looked at Oliver and said, “Same?”

Even in the half dark of the room, Felicity could see Oliver smiling at their daughter. He nodded his head and explained, “Yes, it’s the same animal, even though the color is not exactly the same. You know, when daddy and Aunt Thea bought you this before you were even born, I was thinking about this place. Mommy and I came here a lot before you were born.”

“Girl?” Mae asked, pointing at the octopus.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know if that’s a girl. I am not even sure there are boys and girls of octopi.”

“More?” Mae asked.

“You want to see more fishes?”

Mae nodded her head vehemently, making Oliver chuckle. He kissed her cheek before he asked, “Okay, what fish should daddy show you now?”

“Fishes!” Mae exclaimed and pointed her finger at something behind Oliver.

He turned around and walked towards a different tank that Felicity couldn’t see from her spot in the hallway. She tiptoed a few steps forward until she could see them again. Mae’s eyes were wide and full of amazement while she was taking in the fish in the tank. Oliver watched her with adoration.

“Fish!” Mae exclaimed again, pointing at the tank.

“That’s a moray,” Oliver told her.

“Moray?” Mae repeated.

Oliver nodded his head. “A moray, right.”

“Mae no like.”

“You don’t like the moray?”

Mae shook her head and snuggled her head against Oliver’s shoulder. She hid her face against his body like she was trying to hide from the moray. Oliver put a hand to her back and rubbed up and down soothingly.

“Have you ever watched  _ Ariel _ ?”

Mae lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. “ _ Ariel _ ?”

“It’s a movie for TV,” Oliver explained. He chuckled lowly, shaking his head. “Sorry, I guess you are not old enough for TV yet. Anyway, there are morays in that movie, too. It used to be Aunt Thea’s favorite movie when she was younger. When you’re older, we can watch it together, okay?”

“Okay,” Mae replied. She shot a short look over her shoulder to the moray before she pressed herself back closer to Oliver like she was seeking the safety of his body. Then she asked him, “More fishes?”

“Yes, we will search some more fish to look at,” Oliver replied.

He turned around on the balls of his feet to find a new tank to go to. When his eyes caught sight of her, his smile widened, brightening his entire face. Felicity smiled back at him happily, taking in the way Mae had snuggled herself to his side in a way she hadn’t done since he had come back.

Oliver kissed Mae’s temple and whispered to her, “Mae, look who’s here.”

Mae lifted her head from Oliver’s shoulder to follow her daddy’s pointing finger to where Felicity was standing. She smiled when she saw her mother, reaching out her hands for her to take her. Smiling, Felicity approached them and let Oliver hand the toddler over.

“Hi, sweetie,” Felicity said and kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Why are you up so late?”

“Trip,” Mae replied.

“Yeah, you and daddy made a trip to the Aquarium, I can see that,” Felicity said with a chuckle, “but you were supposed to be in bed. You were sleeping when mommy left to go visit Aunt Laurel.”

“Mae no sleep.”

Again, Felicity chuckled, shaking her head. She kissed Mae’s temple. “Yeah, mommy can see that you are not sleeping.”

She looked at Oliver, who had his hands pushed into the pockets of his sweatpants and was watching the two of them with a content smile. When he locked eyes with Felicity, he explained, “Mae woke up like an hour or two after you left. She was crying and wouldn’t stop. I figured it was worth a try taking her here.”

Felicity smiled, taking a look around to take in the place. She smiled reverently at all the memories she had of this place. Here they had decided to have and raise Mae. Here they had started discussing names for her. So many wonderful memories were here.

“I haven’t been here since the last time we were here together,” Felicity said, shaking her head with a sad smile. “I didn’t know how much I missed this place, but I think it just wouldn’t have felt right coming here without you.”

Oliver placed his hand to Felicity’s face. His thumb stroked over her cheekbone gently while he was taking in her face.

“I remember we made plans to take Mae here,” Oliver told her, “but we never got around to doing so. When she was crying tonight, I tried to think about something that could calm her down. This place always felt soothing for the both of us, so why wouldn’t it feel like that for her?”

Felicity nodded slowly, smiling. “She liked it when she was a baby and we were still living here.”

“Right,” Oliver agreed. “It’s been so long.”

“It has been,” Felicity confirmed. She sighed quietly and explained, “There almost wasn’t an Aquarium anymore. They considered closing it at the end of the last year.”

Oliver perked up his eyebrows. “Really?”

Felicity nodded. “I asked your mother to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Queen Consolidated invested a lot of money to keep that from happening. I couldn’t let it go.”

A heavy silence settled between them for a moment. The unspoken words that it wasn’t only the Aquarium Felicity hadn’t been able to let go of but also what it stood for and what it meant for them as a couple that she couldn’t have let go of. She had held onto as many things that connected her to Oliver as possible. It might not have seemed like that on the outside, but it had been exactly like that on the inside.

Oliver and Felicity just looked at each other for several minutes, neither of them saying a word. No matter how long Oliver had been back, it still felt like a miracle or a dream she was actually afraid she could wake up from at any second. She would need time, a lot more time actually, to really accept this as her reality now.

Eventually, Felicity cleared her throat. “You made it. You calmed her down.”

Oliver smiled, nodding his head. “I did.”

“I knew you could do it,” Felicity told him. “I mean… I would have understood if it hadn’t worked because sometimes she just cries for no reason until she falls asleep, but you made it anyway and-“ Felicity stopped to take in a deep breath. “You made it.”

“Yes, I did,” Oliver replied. “I think she is finally getting really used to me. I guess I should have been more patient.”

“I understand why you couldn’t have been,” Felicity told him honestly. “You have been through alot in the past year, we both have. We both came out changed. At the bottom of our hearts, I guess we still are the same people, though, at least with a lot of things. Nothing could have ever changed what a great daddy you are.”

Oliver sucked in a deep breath as tears were springing to his eyes. Felicity took his hand from the side of her face and squeezed it reassuringly. Oliver smiled at her through the tears and quickly wiped them away.

“How did you get in here in the middle of the night?” she asked, figuring that maybe they should lighten the mood a little. It was too late for serious conversations and the night was too pleasant to overshadow it with the heaviness of their situation. “And please don’t tell me you broke in here.”

Oliver chuckled. “No, I know one of the security guards here and called him. He wasn’t sure, but a few hundred bucks and he agreed to let us in. Thank God.”

“It is well-invested money if you ask me.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Oliver replied. He smiled at her for a moment longer before he asked, “How was Laurel’s birthday?”

“It was nice,” Felicity answered immediately, “and a lot of fun.”

“Good.” Oliver nodded slowly. “How is Tommy?”

Boys, Felicity thought and felt the need to roll her eyes, but kept herself from doing so. She had only just  arrived at Laurel’s party when Tommy had already taken her aside and asked how Oliver was and if his relationship with Mae had grown any deeper. He had bombarded her with questions and when she had told him to ask Oliver himself, he had only waved it off and explained that it wasn’t that important for him to know.

Felicity cocked her head at Oliver. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

Oliver gave her a look, one that she knew was supposed to tell her that he couldn’t just ask him for reasons she should know. Of course Felicity knew those reasons Oliver’s eyes referred to. It wasn’t exactly easy to forget when your child’s father and his best friend punched each other at her birthday party. Yet she felt like there wasn’t as much separating the friends as they might have made it out to be. After all, neither of them had meant bad. They just hadn’t understood each other and they had made mistakes and somehow that had all escalated to this.

“I am not ready to talk to him yet,” Oliver explained.

“But you will talk to him eventually?” Felicity asked.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders, avoiding her eyes. “Eventually, I guess.”

Felicity pressed her lips together. They had been to a therapist for the first time this week. Oliver had been terribly nervous. He had held her hand and played with her fingers while they had been waiting for the doctor to call them into his office. Felicity had tried to cheer him up, but even her nervous rambles hadn’t gotten a smile out of him.

One of the things the doctor had told them was that Oliver needed to learn to forgive himself before he would be able to really forgive anyone else and there were a lot of people he would need to forgive. The therapist had explained that it didn’t matter if there was anything that from a rational point of view needed forgiveness or not. As long as Oliver was mad at people for what had happened, he needed to forgive them, not because they needed it, but because he needed it.

He needed to forgive Robert for killing himself. He needed to forgive whatever people there had been on the island that had tortured him. He needed to forgive Moira for giving love another choice when he hadn’t even remotely started to process his father’s death. He needed to forgive Tommy for being able to experience all the moments with Mae that he had missed, and there were probably even more people he needed to forgive. Only then would he be able to forgive himself for going on the Gambit, getting lost for a year and being unable to immediately reconnect with the life he had come back to.

Felicity knew that it was going to be a long process and she knew she would have to be patient. She just didn’t like to see Oliver’s suffering and his falling out with Tommy caused him to suffer, no matter what he said.

“Tommy is really sorry for what happened,” she whispered eventually. “He didn’t realize how bad you must have felt until… well… Mae’s birthday.”

Oliver nodded. “I know he's sorry. I just-“

“Mama, moray!” Mae interrupted Oliver, pointing at the tank Oliver had showed her before.

Felicity smiled. “Yes, there is a moray. Daddy showed you, right?”

Mae nodded. “More fishes?”

“More fishes? But it’s already really late,” Felicity said.

“More fishes,” Mae pleaded.

When Felicity didn’t reply immediately, she turned to Oliver and reached out her hands for him. Smiling, Oliver lifted Mae into his arms and kissed her cheek. Mae giggled happily and held onto his hoodie.

“You want to see more fish?” Oliver asked. Mae nodded, making Oliver smile. “You aren’t tired at all?” Mae shook her head, making Oliver chuckle. “Okay, come on, we’ll go to see a few more fish.”

He adjusted Mae’s position in his arms, so she was snuggled to his side and he could put his free arm around Felicity’s waist, pulling her close. Felicity rested her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his middle. Side by side they strolled through the Aquarium. Oliver showed Mae the tanks and animals inside. He told her the names of the fish and Mae repeated them, telling him if she liked them or not.

With her head rested against his shoulder, Felicity watched Oliver interact with their daughter. His eyes lightened up with joy every time she repeated him or every time she told him if she liked the fish or not.

“This is a cat shark,” Oliver explained to Mae when they stood in front of another tank.

“No cat,” Mae replied, giggling amusedly. “Fish!”

“Yes, it’s a fish,” Oliver told her, “but this is a very special fish and the name of it is catfish.”

“No cat. Fish!” Mae just repeated.

Oliver chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You are absolutely right. The name makes no sense. Let’s just say it’s a shark, okay?”

“Shark,” Mae repeated.

“Yes, a shark,” Oliver confirmed, nodding his head.

“Like shark?”

“Do I like the shark?” Oliver asked and Mae nodded. Oliver puckered his lips a little and then he nodded. “Yes, I think so. Sharks are cool. They are wild. Daddy likes that.”

“Wild?” Mae asked.

Oliver grinned. He put both of his hands to Mae’s waist and held her over his head, leaning his head back to look at her. She looked at him expectantly when he told her, “If you were in that tank with the shark, it would do this.”

Oliver lowered Mae until her stomach rested against his face. Making growling sounds, he pretended to bite Mae. His teeth moved all over her stomach through her pajamas. Mae squealed loudly, kicking her legs in excitement. She was terribly ticklish. The way she screeched between the giggles only proved how much she enjoyed it, though.

When Mae was breathless, Oliver lowered her back against his chest and Mae melted against his body. She put her arms around his neck, resting her head against his shoulder with a sigh. Oliver kissed the top of her head and held her against him closely.

“Aren’t you tired at all?” Oliver asked.

“No,” Mae replied, but her answer was drowned out by a long yawn.

Oliver chuckled. “We better stroll towards the exit now.”

“No,” Mae answered. She shook her head vehemently, but her voice didn’t carry much resistance. “No go.”

“Okay, we are not going yet,” Oliver whispered and rubbed a hand over Mae’s back. He winked at Felicity. 

They strolled towards the exit slowly nonetheless. Mae didn’t notice it. They had barely taken a handful of steps away from the cat shark when she fell asleep in her daddy’s arms. She snored softly, huffing long breaths against the side of Oliver’s neck. She looked peaceful, so peaceful that Felicity was almost unable to believe that the little girl had been crying hysterically before. Of course, Felicity knew that appearances were deceitful, especially when it came to a sleeping toddler.

Oliver locked the door to the Aquarium behind them and called the security guard he had gotten the keys from. He interrupted his patrols in and around the building to get the keys from them. Oliver thanked him a thousand times over and gave him some more money before they said their goodnights, which given the rising sun was actually unnecessary. Taking Felicity’s hand, he led them towards the car.

When they arrived at the car, Oliver unlocked it and tried to lie Mae down in her seat. Her hands tightened around his hoodie, though, and she released a low whine in her sleep.

“Mae, it’s okay,” Felicity heard Oliver whisper to their daughter with soft voice. “Daddy’s here.”

Once more, he tried lying her down, but Mae refused to let go of him. She pressed herself closer to Oliver, once again releasing a whining sound.

“If I make her let go, she is going to start crying,” Oliver said, turning around to Felicity. “What now?”

“Now,” Felicity said, stepping closer to him, so she could pull the keys out of the pocket of his hoodie, “I will drive and you will sit in the backseats with Mae.”

“You didn’t drink at the party?”

“Nope,” Felicity replied, shaking her head. “I don’t drink.”

“Never?” Oliver asked, perking up his eyebrows.

Felicity could almost see how he was trying to figure out if he had seen her drinking since he had come back. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Rarely,” she answered.

Oliver smiled at her for a moment before he nodded to the car. “I guess we should get her home.”

“Yes, I guess that’s best,” Felicity replied and nodded in agreement. Oliver had already turned back around to get into the backseat when she held him back. “Oliver?”

“Hm?” he asked, turning back around to her once more.

“She loves you, you know?” Felicity asked. “Mae, I mean.”

Oliver turned his head to look at the sleeping toddler with a content smile. “She is starting to like me, yes, but I don’t know if I would go as far as saying-“

“She loves you,” Felicity repeated, interrupting Oliver with emphasis. “She is seeking your attention. She wants you close, even when she is asleep. She might still be a little hesitant about it, but she does love you.”

Felicity could see the expression in Oliver’s eyes. She could see the hope that it was true but the cautiousness because he feared it might not and  if that was so his hopes would be shattered. Eventually, he smiled, though. He kissed the top of Mae’s head, snuggling it against his cheek.

“We really are on a good track,” Oliver said. “It’s a good feeling.”

Felicity smiled. “We’ll come back soon and then you can show her the rest of the Aquarium.”

“We can show her,” Oliver corrected her.

“We can show her,” Felicity repeated after him with a smile. “Sounds great.”

While Oliver was getting into the car, careful to not wake Mae, Felicity just smiled. For the first time since Oliver had gotten back, it really felt like they were a normal family - Mother, father and daughter like in thousands of other families. And, God, that felt good.

Restricting herself to a quiet smile, Felicity got into the driver’s seat. She started the engine and released the handbrake.

“Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could need your help with a little click. I am thinking about how to post my next multichapter, so [here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdXFon5_ARK9n8Frd5VjDsLNd3mXWiopH6e_fc6D45ZjqGEfQ/viewform)’s a one-question-survey if you have a minute of your time. :)   
> 


	9. Chapter 9

Once he had buttered the last slice of bread, Oliver turned around to get the other ingredients he needed for the sandwiches out of the fridge and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Mae standing in the frame of the door. She was holding her pink octopus in her arms, looking at him with sleep still in her eyes. Oliver frowned, cocking his head at her.

“How did you get out of your bed on your own?”

Even behind her pacifier, Oliver could see the somewhat mischievous smile Mae shot him in return. When Oliver only chuckled in response, making a come-here gesture with his hand, Mae came running to him with spread arm and Oliver scooped her up while giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked her.

Mae nodded in response, but she rubbed her eyes nonetheless. Then she sighed and looked at Oliver. “Mama come?”

Oliver perked up his eyebrows. “What do we do with the binky when we are talking?”

Mae took the pacifier from her lips and asked once more, “Mama come?”

“Mama’s coming home soon,” Oliver promised.

“Soon?” Mae repeated.

Oliver smiled, nodding his head. “Yes, she’s coming back soon.  What will we do when she comes back?”

“Picnic!” Mae explained, clapping her hands in excitement. When the octopus fell from her arm as she did so, she immediately leaned forward on his arm and pointed at the stuffed animal. “Octopus.”

Oliver picked up the octopus from the floor and handed it over to Mae, who clutched the plushed animal to her chest tightly. He watched her for a moment before he kissed her cheek once more and stepped back to the kitchen counter.

“Do you want to help daddy make the sandwiches for the picnic?”

Mae nodded eagerly, making Oliver smile. His relationship with Mae had gotten so much better. She was talking to him and playing with him. She was actively seeking his attention and it was a great feeling. That night at the Aquarium had been a turning point for them. Since they had moved back to Boston two weeks ago, it had gotten even easier to be close to her. Here in Boston, it was just the three of them – just Felicity, Mae and him.

Tommy and Laurel had moved out. Felicity had told Oliver that they had already been looking for a new apartment before he had punched Tommy. They had never planned on being in the way of Oliver and Felicity’s family reuniting. The thought made Oliver’s stomach twist painfully.

Shaking off the thoughts of Tommy for now, Oliver sat Mae down on the kitchen counter, settling her as far away from the edge as possible so she wouldn’t slip off the counter and hurt herself. She handed him her binky and Oliver put it away, but her pink octopus stayed safely in her arms.

“Don’t move for a moment,” Oliver asked Mae. “Daddy has to go to the fridge.”

Mae nodded, so Oliver turned around and hurried to the fridge. While he was grabbing the bowls with the other ingredients, he shot nervous looks over his shoulder to make sure she stayed put. The toddler didn’t seem to be interested in moving, though. 

“Good girl,” Oliver whispered to her when he came back and she still hadn’t moved. He kissed the tip of her nose and handed her a sliced cucumber that she ate eagerly.

Together they made the sandwiches. Oliver showed Mae where to put the tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce leaves and chicken breast stripes. Then he added some mayonnaise and Mae put the second slice of bread on top. When the sandwiches were made, Oliver lowered Mae to the floor and together they brought everything they needed for their picnic into the living room. They really worked great as a team.

They had just finished setting everything up, including cushioning the floor to make it more comfortable for them, when Oliver heard a key turn in the apartment door.

“Hey, Mae,” Oliver said, looking back over his shoulder where Mae was busy arranging a pillow the way she wanted it, “I think mama is back.”

Immediately the pillow was forgotten as she hurried to the door. Oliver followed her slowly. With a smile, he watched Mae’s face light up with joy when Felicity stepped into their home. She crossed the distance to her mother immediately, reaching out for her, and Felicity lifted the toddler into her arms.

“Hi, Sweetie,” Felicity said and kissed both of their daughter’s cheeks. “Did you have a great day with daddy?”

Mae nodded, lifting her pink octopus in front of her face and mumbling something into the plush that neither Oliver nor Felicity could understand. Felicity frowned, looking at Oliver with a cocked head. Oliver chuckled.

“She woke up from her nap early today and decided to climb out of her bed by herself,” Oliver explained. He shrugged his shoulders. “She is probably just a little tired.”

“Mae no tired,” Mae replied, shaking her head.

Felicity smiled. “You’re not tired?”

Mae shook her head. “No tired. Mae picnic.”

“Of course you are going to have a picnic with us,” Oliver said, approaching his two girls. He put an arm around Felicity’s waist and pecked her lips before he explained, “Mae helped me prepare everything.”

Felicity smiled at Mae. “You did?”

Mae nodded. “Yes.”

“So do you want to show me what you and daddy prepared?”

Again, Mae nodded. She struggled in Felicity’s arms until her mother placed her on the floor. Then she held out a hand for Felicity and one for Oliver to take. As soon as her hands were safely in her parents’, she led them into the living room. Felicity smiled at Oliver on their way and he smiled back happily.

“Wow,” Felicity said when they stepped into the living room. “This is amazing.”

“Well, Mae and I did our best,” Oliver replied.

“I can see that.” Felicity smiled at before she straightened up onto the tip of her toes and kissed Oliver’s lips gently. “Thank you for this.”

“No reason to thank me,” Oliver answered. “It’s my pleasure.”

The three of them sat down on the blanket that was sprawled out on the floor, making themselves comfortable. Oliver poured Felicity and himself a glass of wine while Felicity poured Mae a glass of Raisa’s homemade apple juice. Mae chatted about her day, babbling about whatever came to mind. Oliver and Felicity listened, shooting each other smiles every once in a while and enjoying the food Oliver had prepared in the meantime.

Oliver remembered that they had often done indoor or even outdoor picnics their first year in Boston. Mae had been rolling or crawling around them. Between all the stress with college and raising a baby, those had always been nice moments to spend as a family. Even now that Oliver was only taken a few classes, like his therapist had suggested for this semester, it was still very nice

“How did your class go?” Oliver asked Felicity eventually when Mae decided that she had enough of her parents for now and went over to get herself some toys. “Was the professor as good as you had hoped?”

“She is the best,” Felicity replied. She quickly swallowed down a bite of sandwich and added, “She is unbelievably smart and a really, really great teacher, you know? She’s such a role model.”

Oliver smiled about her excitement. It never failed to amaze him how much she loved talking about college or more exactly her classes. He had never met anyone who loved learning as much as Felicity did.

“So is that what you want to do one day,” Oliver asked, “teach at a college?”

Felicity scrunched up her nose for a moment before she shook her head with a chuckle. “No, I don’t think so, at least not permanently.”

“So maybe summer classes?”

Felicity chuckled. “Maybe I should graduate college first before we discuss whether I should teach there.”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I think it never hurts having plans for the future to work towards.”

“That’s probably true,” Felicity said. For a moment, she looked to where Mae was skimming through the book she had gotten from Professor Stein. Then she looked back at him and cocked her head. “What about your plans?”

“I don’t know yet,” Oliver replied honestly and shrugged his shoulders once more. “I never had anything that I loved so much that I could imagine doing it for the rest of my life.”

“Poppy,” Mae said to herself, pointing at the photo of the Monet. She turned her head to him and smiled, repeating, “Poppy.”

“Yes, those are poppies,” Oliver confirmed and nodded his head. Smiling, he watched Mae turn the page and look at the next picture. He turned to Felicity and added, “The only thing I could ever picture myself doing all my life is being a part of this family, so who knows, maybe I am going to be a stay-at-home dad and let me be kept by you.”

Felicity chuckled, patting his thigh. “Don’t worry, Baby. I will take good care of you.”

“That’s good to know,” Oliver replied.

Smiling, he leaned closer to her and Felicity framed his face with her hands and kissed him gently. Of course, they were just making fun right now, but he knew that if he decided to really be a stay-at-home dad, Felicity would accept his decision. She would respect it and support him. She would never use it against him or see him differently for deciding to stay home with their kids instead of finding a paid job.

“I love you,” he whispered when their lips parted.

Felicity smiled and brushed her lips against his once more. “I love you, too.”

Oliver rested his forehead against Felicity’s and closed his eyes. It had been a while since he had made long-term plans. He had never been really good at it to be honest. Deciding to have Mae had probably been the only long-term plan he had made in his life. On the island, there had been no plans. He hadn’t really dared to make any, scared that he wouldn’t live long to act on them. He had had dreams, though, but he had been too scared to even admit having those. It had been too painful.

Felicity brushed her lips against Oliver’s one last time before she pulled away enough to look at him. Her hands fell into her lap. Oliver reached over and laced his fingers through herd. They smiled at each other for a long moment.

“Since long-term plans are a little too much yet, did you make any short-term plans?” Felicity asked.

Oliver frowned, cocking his head at her. Felicity bit down on her bottom lip, looking away for a moment. Oliver narrowed his eyes at her. There had to be some deeper meaning to her question. He wasn’t sure what it was yet, though.

“Felicity?” he prompted her gently.

“Well, I just wondered if you thought about what the therapist advised you to do,” Felicity finally blurted out, the words falling from her lips way too quickly. She cleared her throat and added, “You know that I am always on your side,  at least ninety-nine percent.”

Oliver smiled sadly, understanding what had made her so hesitant now. His therapist back home had referred them to a colleague in Boston. Dr. Olson was an elderly man, who with his white hair and beard almost looked a little like Santa Clause. Anyway, he had advised him to come clean with Tommy. Coming clean with Tommy was the first step of forgiving people and according to Dr. Olson, it was probably the easiest. Forgiving his father for killing himself in front of his eyes or forgiving himself for all the things he hated himself for would be a lot harder.

“I know I need to talk to him,” Oliver agreed, looking at Felicity. “I am just nervous about it.”

Felicity nodded. “Of course, you are. The last time you two saw each other it was bad.”

“Understatement of the year,” Oliver whispered. He moved his thumbs over Felicity’s knuckles when he explained, “I was completely out of mind in that moment.”

“Because you were bottling up your feelings,” Felicity replied gently. “You know I don’t approve to what you did, but I can understand what drove you to go to such extremes. I am sure Tommy will understand it, too, if you explain it to him.”

Oliver nodded and lowered his gaze. He knew Felicity was right. Tommy was a good guy and if he understood where Oliver had been coming from, he would probably be able to forgive him. Just like Oliver had been able to forgive his friend for not backing off when Oliver had come back because he understood that Tommy hadn’t meant bad. He had wanted to prove that he had been a good friend and had done what Oliver had asked of him. Why would Tommy listen to him, though? He had punched him after all. And even if Tommy gave him the chance to explain, would he really be able to?

It was easy with Felicity. He was more comfortable around her than around anyone else. She was the only person he could really talk to. If it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be able to tell his therapist a lot of the things he told him with Felicity sitting at his side and holding his hand. Part of him felt embarrassed about behaving almost like a child, but he knew it was okay. He was traumatized and it would take time to heal. It was okay to lean on Felicity and let her support and help him feel more comfortable.

Oliver took in a deep breath and released the air slowly with a sigh. As much as he knew that all of this was okay, because therapy made him see those things, he also knew that he had to leave his comfort zone to make progress and get better.

He lifted his gaze and nodded once more. “I will talk to him.”

Felicity smiled, squeezing his hands. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Oliver smiled, lifting her hands to his lips and kissing her knuckles. “Thank you for offering, but I fear I have to do this alone.”

“You are not alone.”

“I know,” Oliver replied and squeezed her hands. “I just… I just feel like I need to do this alone even if I would actually rather have you with me.”

He sighed quietly and Felicity smiled. “I was going to ask Laurel to go shopping tomorrow anyway. You guys will have all the time in the world to talk then. I can take Mae with us. That way you-“

“Actually,” Oliver interrupted her, shooting a short look to Mae, who had put the book away and was now just looking into her toy trunk, “I think I would like to take her with me. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Felicity replied.

Oliver smiled. “Thanks.”

He hadn’t really thought a lot about it before, but now he felt it really was a good idea to take her with him. Mae had a calming effect on him and he was sure that no matter what would happen, he wouldn’t lose control in front of her again. Never again would he hit someone in front of her and set a bad example for her. Having her with him would be good, so he would wait until she had woken up from her nap and then take her to meet up with Tommy. She was certainly going to be happy to see him again. He was her friend after all.

“Hey, Mae,” Oliver said gently causing may to turn toward him. Oliver reached out his hand. “Come here, Sweetie.”

Mae came running towards him, stopping only when she was pressed to his chest. She looked at him with her big, blue eyes, waiting for him to say something. Oliver smiled, resting a hand on her back and rubbing it up and down.

“Would you like to see Uncle Tommy tomorrow?”

“See Tommy?”

Oliver nodded, tugging a blonde curl out of her face and behind her ear. “Yes, daddy wants to go see Tommy tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?”

Mae nodded. “See Tommy.”

“Good, then we’ll go see him tomorrow after your nap.”

“No nap,” Mae pleaded, pushing her bottom lip forward and giving him her most innocent angel eyes.

Oliver chuckled. “You have to nap tomorrow.”

“No nap,” Mae replied.

“What if daddy naps with you?” Oliver suggested.

Mae sighed deeply. “Okay.”

Smiling, Oliver watched Mae turning away and looking at the food like she had done before with her toys. It was like she stood in front of a life-changing decision and wasn’t sure what to do about it.

With a low sigh, Oliver laid down. He rested his head in Felicity’s lap and smiled up at her. Felicity stroked her fingers through his hair gently. Neither of them said a word while they were gazed into each other’s eyes, enjoying the moment of quiet and intimacy. In moments like these, when it was just them spending time together, it felt like everything that had happened during his year away and the first months back was so long ago. Even now that he was better Oliver liked these moments of forgetting.

Oliver closed his eyes sleepily and asked, “Please tell me something.”

“Like what?” Felicity asked back.

“I don’t know. Maybe-“

“Apple,” Mae interrupted him.

Oliver opened his eyes and found Mae standing next to where he was lying, holding out a sliced piece of apple.

“Is that for me?” Oliver asked. When Mae nodded, Oliver sat up quickly and opened his mouth. Mae pushed the sliced apple between his lips and Oliver started chewing, making her smile. “Thank you, Sweetie.”

Smiling, he watched Mae turn away and take in the food once more. He kept watching her for a few seconds, feeling his heart swell with the love he had for his little girl, before he turned towards Felicity once more.

“Tell me about your day,” Oliver prompted, squeezing her thigh.

“I told you about my day,” Felicity replied with a frown.

Oliver rolled his eyes. “In like two sentences. Come on, Felicity, tell me more… like that super-virus you are working on.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t call my x-axis bi-numeric algorithm a super-virus,” Felicity replied.

Oliver chuckled. “I am sorry. If I had known I was hurting your feelings with that, I would have put more consideration into my wording.”

Felicity narrowed her eyes at him mockingly and attempted to slap his chest. Oliver caught her wrist and pulled her against him, so he could tickle her. Felicity was kicking her legs and laughing as she was tried to get away from him. He kept her against him, though, continuing to tickle her.

“Do you still want to be cheeky?” Oliver asked her.

Felicity couldn’t even reply. She was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her cheeks and she seemed to have serious trouble breathing. Oliver kept tickling her nonetheless. It wasn’t long until he felt Mae jumping onto his back and for a moment he thought she was going to hit him to protect her mother. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and giggled into his ear.

“Make shark!” she called out happily. “Make shark!”

“No, not the shark!” Felicity laughed breathlessly.

“Shark!” Mae demanded nonetheless.

Since the night in the Aquarium, ‘making the shark’ was kind of their thing. Oliver would lift Mae into his arms and pretend to bite her tummy, releasing growling sounds as he did so. Mae loved it. It was one of her favorite games lately.

“Let’s show mommy the shark,” Oliver told Mae and winked at her.

He didn’t hesitate and lifted Felicity from his arms a little, leaning down to moved his face against her stomach at the same time. He made the growling sounds Mae loves so much and both, Felicity and Mae, laughed amusedly.

“Okay, I give up!” Felicity called out eventually.

“You do?” Oliver asked, lifted his head from her stomach and bumped his nose against hers playfully instead. “You admit defeat?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Felicity said, trying to catch her breath. “I am giving up. You won. Call my algorithm whatever you want to call it. You won.”

“Oh, say it again,” Oliver asked.

“You won,” Felicity repeated, rolling her eyes. “For the record, you only won because our daughter teamed up with you.”

“Yeah, talk yourself out of your defeat, baby,” Oliver replied with a chuckle and let Felicity sit up on his lap without letting her move away.

“Shark for Mae!” Mae exclaimed.

“I am not talking myself out of it,” Felicity replied. “I am just stating truths.”

“Shark for Mae!” Mae repeated.

She was scrambling about on his back, trying to get higher. Oliver kept one arm around Felicity’s waist and moved the other behind his back to make sure Mae wouldn’t fall and hurt herself.

“Shark for Mae!” Mae called out once more. “Shark for Mae!”

“I would have won without Mae, too,” Oliver told Felicity, “because I am sure that your x-axis bi-numeric algorithm could be turned into a super-virus if it was in less responsible hands and-“

“Daddy!”

Oliver felt his heart beating up into his throat. Until now Mae still hadn’t called him daddy. This was a first since he had come back from the island. Hearing her say it,  as if she’d said it a thousand times before, to demand his attention made him feel even more emotional than when she had first called him dada more than a year ago.

Through the thick tears that sprang to his eyes, he looked at Felicity, and he could see tears in them, too. Her bottom lip was trembling slightly when she took in a deep breath, giving him a smile that left no doubt that this moment touched her as much as it touched him. She knew that he had suffered, feeling his pain deep in her heart. That was how it had always been for them since they had fallen in love with each other. When one of them was miserable, so was the other. It also meant if one of them was happy, usually the other got a little happier, too.

“Daddy!”

By now Mae had managed to climb up his back and over and was now bent over his shoulder. Her head was pressed to his chest upside-down and her legs were kicking his back as she struggled to move forward and climb the rest of the way over his shoulder and into his lap. Careful not to make her fall on her head, Oliver helped Mae onto his lap. She giggled happily, looking at him with the same sheepish expression he knew from Felicity.

“Hi, Sweetie,” he whispered.

Mae got up and shook his shoulders as much as she could with her short arms. “Daddy, shark for Mae!”

Oliver chuckled though it almost sounded like a sob with the rush of emotions that was filling his chest. If the way Felicity put her hand to his knee and rubbed soothing circled against his pants with her thumb, she hadn’t missed it, though. Oliver shot her a look over Mae’s shoulder, seeing her wiping away a tear that was rolling down her cheek.

“You want daddy to make the shark for you?”

“Yes!” Mae exclaimed excitedly, clapping into her hands.

Oliver chuckled. “Come here, Sweetie.”

Putting an arm behind her knees and one around her back, Oliver lifted Mae into his arms quickly and started pretending to bite her stomach. He moved his nose against her body, making the growling sounds she loved so much. Mae giggled happily in response, releasing high-pitched squeals every now and then.

Mae was so happy and so comfortable around him that Oliver eventually felt tears springing to his eyes once more. He hid his face against her stomach, stopping to play the shark for her and just pushing his face against her tummy. He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath, breathing his little baby girl in.

Finally, things were the way they were supposed to be. The father-daughter relationship they had before the sinking of the Gambit was back. Felicity, Mae and him were a real family, living together and loving each other the way they had done a year ago. His year away was still there, still accompanying him day in and day out in his memories, but it wasn’t influencing his life as much anymore as it had done when he had come back. Things were finally falling back into place.

Slowly, Oliver lowered Mae back onto his lap and cradled her to his chest. He ducked his head and pressed it to the side of her neck, kissing her jaw.

“Daddy loves you so much, Mae,” he whispered, “so much.”

“Love you, too,” Mae replied, putting her arms around his neck and hugging him back.

Sniffling, Oliver took in a breath and opened his eyes. He saw Felicity shedding some quiet tears and smiled at her through his own. It took him a moment before he was able to loosen one arm around Mae and reach out his hand for Felicity. Releasing a breathy chuckle, she put her hand in his and crawled over until she was sitting in his lap, too. They were both sandwiching Mae, Felicity pressed to her back and Oliver snuggled to her front. Oliver squeezed Felicity’s hand before he let go to and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into the cuddle.

This was how things were supposed to be and like they always should have been – Felicity, Mae and him together as a family. There was no way Oliver could be happier right now.

 

 

“Mae ring bell!”

As soon as Oliver had reached the topmost step, Mae struggled out of his arms. She had eagerly tried to climb the steps all by herself, only holding his hand for support. Three floors was a lot of stairs for most adults, so they were really unachievable for a toddler. She had given up half the way, stopping and reaching out her arms for him. Oliver had picked her up and carried her up the rest of the stairs.

He let her down now and watched her look back and forth between the three doors, belong to the apartments on this floor, for a moment. Cradling her pink octopus to her chest, she looked at Oliver.

“Where Uncle Tommy?” she asked.

Oliver pointed at the door with number 32. “That’s Tommy’s.”

“Mae ring bell,” Mae announced once more and went to the door Oliver had pointed at immediately.

Oliver quickly took in a deep breath. He had hoped that he would get some time to prepare and figure out what he wanted to say to Tommy and he still wasn’t sure about what exactly to say. Mae was already ringing the bell, though, giving him no time to think. Maybe it was for the better, though, Oliver thought. If she had given him time, he might have found an excuse not to ring the bell and leave after all.

Mae straightened up onto the tip of her toes and stretched out her arms as much as she could until she reached the doorbell. She pushed it several times in a row before Oliver stepped forward and gently pulled her hand away.

“That’s enough,” Oliver explained to her when she looked at him with a confused expression on her face. “Now we have to wait and see if Uncle Tommy opens the door. If he doesn’t, you can ring the bell again.”

Mae waited five seconds, staring at the door before she looked back at him again, “Now?”

Oliver chuckled. “No, we have to wait a little longer and-“

When the door opened, Oliver stopped and looked up to find his friend standing in the door. He didn’t miss the surprise on Tommy’s face that quickly turned into something that almost looked like discomfort. Oliver felt a pang of guilt in his chest and lowered his gaze.

“Tommy!” Mae exclaimed happily, breaking the awkwardness for a moment.

“Munchkin!” Tommy replied and scooped the little girl up into his arms when she approached him. He kissed her cheek and tugged at her little ponytail.

“You look great. Who did your hair today?”

“Mama!” Mae replied. “Mae look like mama.”

“Exactly like her,” Tommy agreed, nodding his head. He shot a short look at Oliver and the lightness that Mae had brought was dimmed once more. “Do you want to come in?”

“If you have five minutes for us,” Oliver replied and pushed his hands deep into his pockets.

“Sure,” Tommy replied and stepped aside, allowing Oliver to enter the apartment. “Laurel is out shopping with Felicity.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Of course you do,” Tommy said awkwardly. “Sorry.”

Oliver wanted to tell Tommy that there was nothing to apologize for, but he couldn’t get the words out. He stood in the middle of the living room awkwardly, shuffling his feet back and forth. Tommy looked back at him, the expression on his face just as awkward. Oliver wished he had put more thought into how to address everything that had gone wrong between them. It would certainly help

“Mae down,” Mae said eventually.

Tommy let Mae down and the toddler immediately started looking around. When she disappeared out of their sight, Oliver quickly called after her, “Mae, you gotta stay out here where we can  see you.”

Mae released a somewhat frustrated sigh, but she turned around and walked back into the living area nonetheless. Holding her octopus to her chest tightly, she took a look around. Oliver watched her for a long moment.

“Do you want something to drink?” Tommy asked awkwardly.

“No, thanks,” Oliver replied. He took in a deep breath to gather his courage and asked, “Can we sit down and talk for a moment?”

Tommy pressed his lips together, but he nodded before motioning to the couch. Oliver’s place on the couch allowed him to keep an eye on Mae, who was strolling around the open room being nosy. Tommy sat down in the armchair opposite of him. Neither of them said a word. They just sat there in silence, avoiding each other’s gaze.

When Mae opened the door to one of the kitchen cabinets, Oliver asked, “Is it okay if she-“

Tommy looked back over his shoulder for a second before he smiled at Oliver and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t mind if you don’t mind.”

Oliver was about to answer when he felt the heaviness of those words settle in. He had envied Tommy for his great relationship with Mae and he had criticized him for acting like he was her dad and trying to explain to him what rules there were for her. He had almost felt infantilized by him.

“I am sorry,” Oliver said at the same time Tommy said it.

The two looked at each other surprised. Oliver couldn’t deny that he had wished for his best friend to meet him halfway or at least take a step towards him. As much as Oliver felt guilty for how things had bottled up and finally exploded between them, he couldn’t deny that he felt like at least a little part of the blame was Tommy’s to carry, too. Oliver had bottled up his feeling about what had been going on and a lot of it had been caused by his hurt about Mae’s rejection, but Tommy could have seen how much Oliver had needed time alone with his family. It didn’t excuse that Oliver had punched him, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he wasn’t the only one to blame for the way things had escalated between them.

Tommy cleared his throat. “Can I go first, please?”

Oliver nodded. “Sure.”

Tommy looked at him for a moment before he opened his mouth. Without saying anything, he pressed his lips together again and looked away. Oliver followed his friend’s gaze back over his shoulder where Mae was emptying out one of the kitchen cabinets. Oliver smiled amusedly at the way his daughter took out one item after another while holding her octopus tightly to her chest.

“I never wanted to steal Mae from you,” it suddenly burst out of Tommy. He looked at Oliver with regret in his eyes. “Really, I never wanted to steal her from you.”

Oliver felt unable to speak. Suddenly all the insecurities he had felt when his relationship with Mae had still struggled were back. He remembered how close she and Tommy had been when he had come back and how he had felt about it. Even now that he and Mae were closer again, it unsettled him in some way.

“I listened to the voicemail you left me before you got on the Gambit,” Tommy explained, “the one where you asked me to take good care of Felicity and Mae while you were away. When we thought you were dead, all I could think about was how much you loved the two of them and how you probably wanted someone to take care of them, so that is what I did.”

“I know that,” Oliver whispered, “and I am sorry I-“

“No, please let me finish,” Tommy asked and continued without a pause, “I did what I thought you would have wanted if you were dead. I was trying to honor what you asked of me. I know I said I love Mae like my own, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know that she  _ is _ actually yours. I don’t ever want you to doubt that I would have done everything possible to raise her the way you would have wanted her to be raised. I would have made sure that she knew exactly who her dad was and how much he loved her. When you came back, I thought this was my chance to prove to you that you can rely on me. I didn’t listen to Laurel when she told me to give you time alone with your family because… I don’t really know why to be honest. I am truly sorry.”

Oliver swallowed down a thick lump that had formed in his throat. He had called Tommy before going on the Gambit and asked him to take care of Felicity and Mae. He had thought it was only a couple of weeks that he would have needed his best friend to support his girlfriend and daughter. Nobody could have known that it would take months for him to get back.

“I am sorry, too,” Oliver whispered eventually. “I understand why you did what you did. I am grateful for what you did for Felicity, Mae and me while I have been… while everyone thought I was dead. It’s a lot easier to accept how close you are to them and be grateful for that than it was before. I was jealous of how much Mae loved you and how comfortable she was around you. I wanted to talk to you about that after her birthday, but all the bottled up frustration-“

“-in addition to my insensitive teasing,” Tommy interrupted.

Oliver huffed a small laugh. “If things had been different, maybe I might have thought it was funny. It felt more like twisting the knife in the wound, though.”

“I know,” Tommy whispered. “Sorry.”

“Sorry for punching you.”

Tommy nodded. Both of them sat quietly for a moment, processing the words that had been long overdue and the apologies. Oliver was glad that they were able to talk everything out. He knew that for some people there would have needed a lot more, but he and Tommy had been friends forever and they were guys after all. Talking wasn’t really their thing.

Eventually, Tommy rubbed his fingers over his jaw. “I’d ask if you have time to go to the gym together, but I can attest that you seem to be in great form. I guess I should rather train alone and catch up to you.”

For a second Oliver was unsure how to take that comment, but at the wide grin on his friend’s face, he grinned, too. “I have been training with John. There is no way you’d survive in the gym with him as your training partner if you aren’t fit.”

“Not surprised about that,” Tommy replied. “His arms look like trunks.”

“And he is just as strong as he looks,” Oliver assured. “Maybe the three of us can go to the gym together.”

“Sounds great,” Tommy agreed, nodding his head.

“We could also make good for that football game we to go to.”

“Sure,” Tommy agreed, “sounds like fun.”

“Watch football?” Mae asked.

She got up from where she had been kneeling on the floor next to all the kitchen supplies she had gotten from the kitchen cabinets and came running over to where Oliver and Tommy were sitting. She crawled up onto the couch next to Oliver and he wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her onto his lap.

“Watch football?”

“Yes, daddy and Tommy want to go to a football game,” Oliver confirmed.

“Mae go, too?”

“Do you want to watch a football game with Tommy and daddy?” Oliver asked her with a smile.

Mae nodded. “Yes.”

“Then you have to ask Uncle Tommy if he wants you to come, too.”

Immediately Mae slid off Oliver’s lap and walked over to Tommy. She put her hands on his legs, looking at him with her sweetest angel eyes.

“Tommy, Mae go too,” she said. “Mae watch football, too.”

“Did you ask daddy if you are allowed to go?” Tommy asked.

“Yes,” Mae replied. “Daddy says… says… Mae ask Tommy.”

“Well, if daddy says yes, then Tommy says yes, too.”

Mae smiled happily and immediately turned back to Oliver. She climbed onto the couch and pressed herself to his back, wrapping her arms around his neck from behind. She snuggled her face into the crook of his neck and shoulder, pulling herself up, so her feet were hovering over the seat of the couch. Oliver pushed an arm under her butt to keep her from choking him.

“Daddy, Mae go too,” she told him.

“I heard,” Oliver replied with a chuckle. “It’s cool that you get to come with us.”

“Mae jersey?”

“Of course you get a jersey,” Oliver replied. He looked back at her over his shoulder and smiled at the happy expression on her face. He winked at her. “It’s boring without a jersey, right?”

Mae nodded. “Right.”

Oliver pressed a kiss to the top of Mae’s head and looked back at his friend again. Tommy watched them with a smile.

“You two seem a lot closer to each other than the last time I saw you,” Tommy said.

Oliver nodded. “Yes, absolutely. We had a breakthrough the night Laurel’s birthday party.”

“Daddy and Mae see’d fishies.”

“You saw fish?” Tommy asked.

Oliver lifted Mae over his shoulder and pulled her onto his lap. He kissed Mae’s head and asked, “Do you want to tell Tommy what happened?”

Mae nodded and explained, “Mae no sleep. Mae and daddy see fishes. Mama too.”

With a sigh, Mae leaned back against Oliver’s chest and reached out her hands to his face. She played with his stubble. Oliver chuckled.

“She couldn’t sleep, so I took her to the Aquarium,” Oliver explained to Tommy. “She liked it and somehow that helped us connect. It’s really hard to explain, but somehow things changed that night. I am no longer a stranger to her anymore, or just the guy spending time at her home. We share a real bound, one that is more than just DNA.”

“I am really happy for you,” Tommy told him.

“Thanks,” Oliver replied, feeling his throat growing tighter. He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to get a hold on his emotions. Eventually, he cleared his throat and said, “I am feeling a lot better since I started therapy.”

“Oh,” Tommy said, obviously surprised. “I didn’t know.”

Oliver shrugged his shoulders. “I was hesitant in the beginning, but it was the right choice. Therapy helped me see a few things and… I don’t know… I am just glad that I am getting better.”

Tommy smiled and was just about to say something more when they heard the door being unlocked. With a short look at his watch, Oliver figured that Felicity and Laurel’s shopping trip must have come to an end.

When Felicity and Laurel stepped into the apartment, Oliver ducked his head and whispered into Mae’s ear, “Mama’s here.”

“Mama!” Mae exclaimed, sliding off his lap and running over to Felicity.

“Hi, Sweetie,” Felicity said, lifting Mae into her arms and kissing her cheek. “How are you doing? Did you make sure that daddy and Uncle Tommy made up?”

“Yes,” Mae replied, nodding her head. “Mae made sure.”

Felicity shot a look in Oliver’s direction just when he saw Laurel glancing at Tommy, too. Both women looked at their boyfriends with questioning eyes. Oliver and Tommy glanced at each other for a second before they looked back at their girlfriends.

“We’re good,” they said in chorus.

“Thank God,” Laurel sighed with relief. She sat down on the armrest of Tommy’s chair, framed his face with her head and pecked his lips gently. “You are unbearable when you two are fighting.”

“I am not unbearable,” Tommy complained.

“If believing that makes you feel better,” Laurel replied, rolling her eyes.

Felicity approached Oliver and sat Mae back down on his lap. She looked at him intently for a moment, wordlessly asking if he was okay. When Oliver smiled in response, she smiled with relief, too.

“Daddy,” Mae asked, tugging at his shirt.

“What’s up, Sweetie?” Oliver asked her.

“Mae eat ice cream?”

Oliver smiled. “You want ice cream?“

“Yes!” Mae replied, clapping her hands.

“Then we’ll go and eat ice cream,” Oliver replied.

“Yes!” Mae exclaimed once more.

“But first you gotta put the kitchen supplies back where you got them,” Oliver told her.

“I can do that later,” Laurel told him.

“No, no, Mae can do that herself,” Oliver told her. “Right?”

“Right,” Mae agreed with a nod of her head. She handed him her octopus to hold for her and quickly ran over to where she had put the pots and pans. One by one she put them back into the cabinet.

“Do you want to join us?” Oliver asked Laurel and Tommy in the meantime. “We could all go together.”

“Nah, you have fun as a family,” Tommy suggested. “We get together some other time.”

Oliver grinned. How easy things could turn when you just talked about your frustrations. He wouldn’t mind Tommy and Laurel going with them now, but he appreciated that Tommy wanted to take a step back nonetheless.

Once Mae had put away all the pots and pans, they all said goodbye to Laurel and Tommy and headed out. With Mae between them, holding one of each of her parents’ hands, they strolled down the street. Mae didn’t say much. She just kept casting short glances to her octopus in Oliver’s hand every now and then like she feared he could lose it.

“Thank you by the way,” Oliver said eventually, breaking the silence that had settled.

“For what?” Felicity asked, looking at him with confusion.

Oliver smiled. “For encouraging me to talk to Tommy. It feels good having this off my chest and having things talked through.”

“You two would have made up without my encouragement eventually.” Felicity replied.

“Probably,” Oliver agreed, “but it would have taken a lot more time.”

Felicity smiled at him for a moment before she looked away, an unreadable expression on her face. Oliver frowned, just watching her for a moment. He could see her bottom lip trembling slightly and tears springing to her eyes.

“Hey,” he said gently. He stopped, lifted Mae into his arms and pulled Felicity against his chest. When she rested her head against his shoulder with a sob, Oliver frowned and tightened his hold on her. “What’s going on?”

Felicity couldn’t reply. She continued to sob against his shoulder, her hand tightening around his shirt. Oliver rubbed his hand up and down her back comfortingly, pressing his lips to the back of her head.

“Mama sad?” Mae asked him.

“I think so, yes,” Oliver replied.

Mae pushed her bottom lip forward and gently patted Felicity’s head. “Mama, no cry.”

Sniffling, Felicity lifted her head from Oliver’s shoulders and wiped her tears away from her cheeks. She took in a deep breath before she breathed out slowly. Resting her head against Oliver’s forehead, she closed her eyes.

“What’s going on?” Oliver whispered.

“It’s all over now,” Felicity whispered.

Oliver frowned. “What’s over now?”

“All this… this… this trouble,” Felicity replied. She took in another deep breath and looked at him with eyes still filled with tears. “We can finally move forward now.”

“Yes, we can.” Oliver smiled, nodding his head. “Now it’s going to be just the three of us as a family with the rest of our loved ones supporting us and us supporting them like it’s supposed to be.”

Felicity smiled. “I am happy.”

Oliver nudged her nose with his. “So am I.”

He brushed his lips against hers gently and Felicity straightened up onto the tip of her toes and pressed her lips to his a little more firmly. It didn’t take long until Oliver felt Mae’s hand at the back of her head. Then she leaned forward and joined into the kiss, just like she had when she had still been a baby. Oliver felt Felicity chuckle against his lips in response.

Professor Stein had been right. There was a difference between arriving home and coming home. It had taken some time, but Oliver knew that he had finally come home and was able to move forward. Almost three years ago, he had thought his world was falling apart when Felicity had told him she was pregnant and now here he was, standing in the middle of the sidewalk and kissing both of his girls, and he couldn’t imagine his life any different.

It’s like he had once told Felicity when she had still been pregnant. If having Mae had been a mistake, then it had been the best mistake he had ever made. He didn’t know where he would be if it hadn’t been for her and he didn’t even want to find out because it couldn’t be a life as happy as the one he had now.

When their lips parted, Oliver smiled at his two girls. “Now let’s get that ice cream.”


	10. Epilogue

_ Six years later _

“You ready?” Felicity asked Mae in a whisper.

The eight-year-old nodded eagerly, putting her hand to the door handle. “You?”

“One second,” Felicity replied, lighting the one candle on the cake. She pushed the lighter into the pocket of her sweatpants and gave Mae a nod. “Ready.”

“Okay, then one, two, three.”

Mae opened the door and both of them started signing, “ _ Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear daddy, happy birthday to you _ .”

Oliver had opened his eyes and sat up in bed halfway through his birthday serenade. His hair was tousled, an imprint of his pillow showing on his cheek. Mae jumped onto the bed and hugged her daddy tightly.

“Happy birthday, daddy!” she exclaimed.

Chuckling, Oliver wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. “Thank you, sweetie.”

Careful not to drop the cake, Felicity sat down on the edge of the mattress and scooted closer to her two loved ones. “Make a wish.”

Oliver smiled at her for a moment and closed his eyes before he blew out the single candle. Felicity had debated with herself whether or not to put all of them on it, but since she didn’t want her husband’s birthday to start with a burning bed, she had decided for the much safer version. Mae clapped her hands while Felicity put the cake on the nightstand for later.

“Happy birthday, Oliver,” she whispered then.

“Thank you,” Oliver replied.

Felicity leaned over and brushed her lips against his in a gentle kiss. Oliver’s hand came up to cup her cheek. His thumb stroked over the edge of her jaw gently. Felicity was about to deepen the kiss when Mae demanded, “Mom, you have to get the presents now.”

Chuckling, Felicity and Oliver broke apart. Felicity turned her head to look at her daughter, complaining in a mocking tone, “I was giving daddy his birthday kiss.”

Mae rolled her eyes, making both of her parents chuckle. At eight years old, Mae was starting to feel like her parents love for each other was less sweet and more embarrassing and annoying. Felicity had hoped that attitude would wait until high school, but of course everything happened way too fast, just like it had always been with Mae.

“Well, now that Mae mentioned presents…” Felicity turned her head to Oliver, perking up an eyebrow. He gave her an innocent smile before he whispered, “I’d be really interested in that.”

“And the birthday child always gets to make all the decisions,” Mae told her mother.

Felicity puckered her lips and nodded. “That’s right.”

“The birthday  _ child _ decides it’s time for presents now,” Oliver said, “so chop-chop!”

Chuckling, Felicity turned on her hands and knees. She was about to crawl to the edge of the bed when Oliver slapped her butt playfully. Mae giggled at that, while Felicity turned her head back over her shoulder and gave Oliver a look that was a warning as much as it was a promise. Once Mae was in bed at the end of the day, she would take this up. Since what she had in mind wasn’t exactly child appropriate, it would have to wait until Mae was fast asleep.

Felicity strolled out of their bedroom and headed towards her home office where she and Mae had hidden all the gifts for Oliver. She grabbed the small hamper they had put all the presents in and returned to their bedroom. She was still in the hall when she heard the whispered voices of her husband and daughter.

“So you’re sure mommy didn’t bake the cake herself?” Oliver asked.

“Yes,” Mae replied. “Raisa baked it and mommy got it yesterday after work.”

“You are really sure about it?”

“Yes.”

“So I can take an extra big piece of it without having to feel like my insides are dying with every bite?”

“Yes,” Mae confirmed once more. “We don’t want to repeat the disaster of your eighteenth birthday, right?”

Felicity rolled her eyes, unable to keep herself from chuckling at her daughter’s words nonetheless. The way she mimicked Oliver’s voice whenever he told her that her baking wasn’t a good idea given the terrible muffin she had baked for his eighteenth birthday. She had planned on baking at least a dozen for him, but only that one muffin had made it out of the oven without being either raw, burnt or a mixture of both. That one muffin had made it, though. It had looked perfectly fine. Unfortunately, it had tasted terrible as Oliver loved to remind her whenever he got the chance.

“You two do know that I can hear you, right?” Felicity asked, stepping into the room.

“We didn’t say anything,” Mae hurried to say. “I just told daddy that I am sure the cake is yummy.”

“Mhm,” Felicity hummed, giving the two a look that told them that she had caught them. When she winked at them, though, they both chuckled. Joining in on the chuckle and shaking her head, Felicity put the hamper on the bed. “Now let’s start with the presents.”

“Oh, there are so many presents,” Oliver said with a look at the hamper. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Take that one,” Mae urged him, pointing at one of the presents.

“Mae,” Felicity said quietly, cocking her head a little. “Let daddy decide.”

“But, mommy,” Mae replied, giving her a look.

Felicity had to bite her tongue to contain the huge smile she felt threatening to form on her lips. Mae loved birthdays and she had been very excited about this birthday in particular. For the last two days, she hadn’t been able to talk about anything else. Felicity had almost been worried that she would spoil the surprise before Oliver’s birthday. She was sure that if they didn’t reveal it soon, Mae would burst.

“Okay, I will start with this one,” Oliver said, taking the gift Mae had pointed at. He looked from Felicity to Mae and back again. “Since it seems to be so important to Mae.”

“Mommy and I made it together,” Mae explained to him.

“That sounds like a very great present to me already,” Oliver stated.

Felicity smiled. She put the hamper down on the floor and snuggled to Oliver’s side, watching him unwrap the present. He discarded the torn paper on the floor carelessly, looking at the photo album in his hands.

“You made me a photo album?” he asked.

“Yes,” Mae replied immediately, nodding her head, “with all the memories since you and mommy met.”

“Thank you,” Oliver said. He kissed Mae’s head and then turned to Felicity. He smiled at her for a moment before he leaned in for a kiss. Felicity duck her head, pressing her lips to his gently. Her fingers moved through his scratchy scruff slowly. He nuzzled her nose before he repeated, “Thank you.”

“Mae did a lot of the work,” Felicity said, shooting a short look at her daughter, who smiled proudly. “I couldn’t have done it without her.”

“You need to open it, Daddy,” Mae prompted, already opening the album.

Felicity couldn’t bring herself to tell Mae to slow down. As much as she wanted Oliver to enjoy looking at the photos that were a reminder of all the years they had spent together, she also couldn’t wait to reveal her surprise to him. She actually felt her heartbeat quickening at the thought of it. Taking in a deep breath to calm her nerves, she rested her chin on Oliver’s shoulder to look at the photos with him and Mae.

“God, it’s been so long,” Oliver said with a chuckle when he looked at the first photo of Felicity and him together. They were sitting in the library at their high school. Felicity remembered how Oliver had tried to take a photo of her, but she had tried to fight him given that she had thought she looked like crap. In the end, he had convinced her to take a photo of the two of them together. They were both making faces at the camera.

More photos of their first months together followed. Though they had never been able to share the photos with anyone and there had always been the danger of someone getting to see them, Oliver and Felicity had taken photos whenever they had felt like it. Keeping their relationship a secret had been one thing, forbidding themselves to do at least some things a normal couple would do was completely different.

Photos from the time during the pregnancy and their first year with Mae followed. In some ways it felt like yesterday that they had taken those photos, in other ways it felt like it had been a lifetime ago. She and Oliver had been so young back then and all too often they hadn’t really known what they were doing. Yet they had made it through and raised a beautiful and wonderful girl.

When they got to the two pages of photos that had been taken of Mae while Oliver had been away, Felicity took a look at his face. She saw the slightly saddened reaction on his face. No matter how much time had passed or how good his relationship with Mae was right now, the pain of having been robbed of a full year with his daughter and her had never fully left him.

Felicity understood that. She felt the exact same way. When she had started working at Queen Consolidated and had started to take over more and more tasks at the company she had to going on business trips, it hadn’t been easy for her to go. She had almost canceled when Oliver had offered for him and Mae to come with her. It had taken years of slow progression from one night away to one week away now. More than one week away from her family was still impossible for Felicity and she saw no reason to push herself past that limit.

Felicity put a gentle hand to Oliver’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. Oliver turned his head and looked at her, so she gave him a comforting smile. Not taking his eyes off her, Oliver took in a deep breath and tightened his arm around Mae’s shoulders, nodding his head at Felicity slightly. Felicity pecked his lips and turned the page for him.

They looked at the first photos that had been taken since he had come back from the island. None of the photos showed any sign of how hard that first time had been. Felicity looked at Mae and about how she told stories about the photos though she probably couldn’t remember anything and just recited what she had been told about them. It was like Oliver had never been away. Of course, Mae knew that her daddy had been away for a year, but she loved him because he had always been a part of their lives, even when he had been away.

They looked through the rest of the photos as Mae continued to babble on. Oliver always smiled when he told her how much she had taken after her mother with her talking. As much as Felicity liked to object, she knew that it was true.

“Mommy, the last page is coming,” Mae pulled Felicity from her thoughts, shaking her knee slightly.

Felicity chuckled though she felt her heart beating up into her throat. She had been waiting for this since the beginning of the week. Actually, she had waited for it even longer, but she had only allowed herself to really hope for this since the beginning of the week when she had gotten confirmation.

Oliver turned his head to look at Felicity and she could see in his eyes that he already knew. She wasn’t good at keeping secrets from him. She had been sure that he had suspected that something was going on. Now she knew that he had known all along what exactly it had been.

She watched Oliver take in a deep breath and turn the page of the album, revealing the photo of Felicity and Mae, holding a positive pregnancy test together.

Felicity bit her lip, looking at Oliver expectantly. When they had gotten married last year, they had decided to wait for another six months until the project Felicity had been working on at QC had finished before starting to expand their family. Four months ago, Felicity had trashed her pills and since then they had worked on it constantly.

“We’re having a baby!” Mae called out when nobody said a word. “Well, mommy is having the baby, but then we all get to have it.”

Oliver didn’t reply. His fingers moved over the picture slowly like he couldn’t feel the plastic under his fingertips and was trying to convince himself that this was real. Felicity felt her heart stumbling in her chest at the sight and she felt it stumbling even more when Oliver suddenly turned his head and, with a heartbreaking sob, pushed his face against her chest to hide it. Felicity wrapped her arms around him, holding his trembling torso to her body and cradling his head to her chest.

Felicity kissed the crown of his head and whispered into his hair, “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

She had prepared for a reaction like this. She had been close to tears when she had seen the result of the pregnancy test, too. As much as they had done whatever they had been able to do since they had learned about Mae, she knew that they had both been young and made mistakes and life hadn’t been easy on them, either. This, this baby, was their chance to make things right and make it work better than they had managed to do with Mae. Felicity wouldn’t push Oliver away. Oliver wouldn’t feel guilty if he needed a little more freedom. Neither of them were going to leave this family, willingly or unwillingly if they had any control over it. This time they would do everything right.

“Is daddy sad?” Mae asked, frowning in confusion at what was happening right in front of her eyes.

Felicity snuggled her cheek to the back of Oliver’s head as she looked at their daughter. “No, Sweetie. Daddy isn’t sad. Daddy is very, very happy, but this is also a lot for him to take in.”

“But he wants a baby, right?”

“Yes, of course he does,” Felicity replied. “You know, he just missed so much time with you when you were little and he knows that he’s been given a second chance now. He loves you very much and he wishes everything would have worked out the way we wished it would have when you were little, but it didn’t. Daddy loves this baby, too, so now he hopes everything will be alright this time.”

Mae looked at her for a moment before she hugged Oliver from behind, resting her cheek between his shoulder blades. Her arms wrapped around his torso as far as they could reach.

“It’s okay, Daddy,” she told him. “This time everything will work out. Everything will be right for the baby.”

Felicity smiled, putting a hand to Mae’s head and stroking over her hair in silent thanks. Eventually, Oliver took in a deep breath before pulling back slightly. He pulled Mae closer, so she was sitting right between him and Felicity. He kissed her head before he looked at Felicity with tear-filled eyes.

“I am not going to miss anything.”

“You are not going to miss anything,” Felicity repeated, the reassurance strong in her voice.

Oliver brushed his lips against hers, pulling Mae closer at the same time. They sat like that, hugging each other and holding each other close for several minutes, celebrating the new start of their family.

Felicity put a hand to her stomach, thinking about Mae’s words.  _ This time everything will work out. Everything will be right for the baby.  _ Felicity hoped she was right. Actually, she felt pretty confident about it. Resting her cheek on the crown of Oliver’s head, she closed her eyes.

This was their second chance and this time they’d do anything right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for everyone who has been patiently waiting for the story! 
> 
> I am slowly getting back into writing more and though I might not have as much time as I used to, I am confident that I will get out the missing three chapters I still have to write in time, so there won’t be any too long pauses. 
> 
> For now, you get a new chapter every Sunday. I hope you will enjoy! :)


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